---------------------

Sending Husband to the Store

Some years ago when I was pregnant with Ryan and house-bound I sent Neil to the grocery store for three items.  He was instructed to bring home Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing, stuffing and a casserole dish.

He returned with Hidden Valley Low Fat Ranch.  It is regular or die at our home.  He also had bought cornbread stuffing.  We have never used cornbread!  The final item turned out to be a square baking dish.    For a family of eight people?

Needless to say, I was not real pleased.  To keep the peace he returned to the store to exchange the items.

Neil walked into the store and up to the manager.  He began pulling the things out of the bag.  "You may not believe this but... This is not stuffing.  This is not a casserole dish.  And this is NOT Ranch dressing!"

The manager, a woman, gave him a deeply sympathetic look and said;  "You're wife is pregnant."

Asking Wife to Help Fix the Car

As he was driving home from the office Neil noticed that the brakes were failing.  It was 11:00 p.m., beginning to drizzle and cold when Neil decided he should fix the problem that night.

Being a little unsure of my doctor-husband's skill with auto repair I asked him if I should call a close friend to assist.  He suggested instead that I help.  He then asked that I very slowly push the brake down, release it and repeat the process while he put in the break fluid.

After following his instructions for several minutes I heard him ask, "Is it going all of the way to the floor?"

"Yes,"  I replied.

A few minutes later he asked, "Is it starting to tighten up?".

Somewhat unsure I replied, "Well, I think so, yes, maybe."

After several more minutes I could tell that he was getting frustrated with standing in the dark, in the rain and not succeeding.  Suddenly, I began to laugh.

"What are you laughing at?" He was mumbling in that calm but exasperated manner he has.  I was barely able to get my words out between peals of laughter as I informed him that I had been slowly pumping the gas.