My pregnancy with Chalae was very similar to the other pregnancies.  I didn't have a repeat of the high blood pressure because I refused to take any asthma medicine.  I didn't have a repeat of the few spikes in blood sugar.  The factors related with threatened prematurity continued as always and at fifteen weeks of pregnancy I went to bed rest and relaxing on the couch.

This time my children were older and the family mechanics of mother being down survived with minimal problems.  Chani got assigned the job of laundry and fixing dinner.  The other children rotated through on their jobs as always.  It was during this time that Cheyanne learned to come and let me know what she needed so that the assigned person could help her.

There were a few differences compared to previous pregnancies.  It was during this pregnancy that I discovered online communication.  I got involved in a Stay At Home Mothers online bulletin board.  What a wonderful group of women!  I laughed and cried with them throughout the pregnancy.

This gave me an emotional outlet that I had not previously experienced.  I had written in journals before but having living eyes to read my pondering helped me to write more often.  Later this would lead to my writing this book.  I had been thinking for years that someday when I had a big family I would write about the experience.  Through this group of women I finally came to the realization that expecting a ninth meant that I did have a big family!

Another thing that was different was that my older children were attending Benjamin Franklin Academy three days a week.  Having them gone during the day left an emptiness in my heart and it was hard to stay focused on educating the children still at home.  I already was saddened by Stephanie having moved out.  I had thoroughly enjoyed the way she and I worked together to school her three children and mine.  Still, both changes were important ones, changes the Lord had inspired and the blessings came one upon the other.

When it was close to delivery, Chani was also working on graduating from B.F.A. (like graduating from High School) through testing and through an extensive report that included 3,000 facts on history.  I saw her further developing her commitment to accomplishing something difficult on her own initiative.  Shortly after Chalae's birth she did graduate from Benjamin Franklin Academy at age fourteen.

I was in a puzzle over the spirit whose body was developing within me.  For years I had seen these two children.  They were always together.  They stood together and they felt as if they were twins.  Spirit twins in much the same way that Ben and Chamrie were twins.  I wanted them to come together.  I had wanted twins in every pregnancy but I really didn't expect them until this one.

I started listening to the heartbeat early to see if I could pick up two.  Yes, it sure seemed like it.  My midwife listened several times and for long periods to determine if there were two babies.  In the end she always felt there was only one baby.   She ended by saying that if there were two babies in me it would be a surprise to everybody.

Whenever I had seen the spirit children they were a boy and a girl. The boy was darker and the girl was blond.  The boy seemed larger and more dominant and the girl was slender and kind of ethereal.  She was a dancer, graceful and quiet compared to her brother.  He was strong and confident.  He was usually slightly more in the forefront from his sister.
I had always hoped that they would come together but I had also assumed that if they came separate that the boy would come first.  One night a few days before Chalae's birth I saw the two children again.  The boy did not seem too thrilled.  In fact, he seemed a touch put out.  This worried me and I asked what the problem was.  Folding his arms he told me that, "She gets to come first!"

The beautiful young girl teasingly moved in front of him and seemed to be dancing on air.  She had been so quiet and now she was bubbling with joy.  There was a clear feeling of her enjoying the arrangement of coming first.

After that experience we went to have a sonogram done.  This was the second sonogram that I had ever had as the first one was to determine Ryan's position.  On the way to the doctor's I told Neil about the vision.  I still hoped that there would be two children, the girl being oldest by only a few minutes.  I was 37 weeks pregnant and the midwife wanted to be certain about the position.

When the technician began to do the test, she started to tell us about the baby.  Our baby was now full-term and so was a bigger baby than the technician was used to doing.  Before long she became concerned with what she was seeing and went out for the doctor.  The two of them spent a full thirty minutes thinking that they were seeing two babies.  For a half hour I had the desire of my heart and had two full term and healthy babies inside me.  Then they came to the accurate conclusion that there was only one baby.

I knew it was my little girl.  I had decided to name her Chalae.  This comes from the word chalet.  I spent lots of time deciding a spelling that would give me the same pronunciation but without the silent French “t”.  Over the years my perspective of unborn children has expanded to include grandchildren as well as my own children's future companions.  Believing that we are siblings and friends before our birth, this broadened perspective sits well on my heart.  The young man that I had seen so often with Chalae, whether he is brother, companion, or a child from a future generation makes little difference.  He was close to her before and that relationship holds every promise of continuing. 

There was another problem during the pregnancy that for a month caused great worry on my part.  In listening to the heart tones I noticed that they were irregular.  They would vary not only in rhythm but also in speed.  They would drop quite low.  I wasn't sure I was getting the tones clearly enough and I was very worried.  I felt that all would be ok and at the time I was still hoping for twins so I wondered if the variance I heard was from two different hearts.

Every day for a month I listened.  I kept the worries to myself.  Finally, just before my next midwife visit I asked Neil to listen to the baby's heartbeat.  He listened carefully.  He found the rhythm to be greatly erratic.  He knew my worries and as tears rolled down my face he gave me a blessing.  In that blessing he also voiced a blessing for our unborn child.

The next day when the midwife visited we told her of what I had been hearing for an entire month.  She listened carefully and then she had us listen with her.  The baby's heartbeat was perfect.  That little heart beat perfectly from the time of that blessing all the way until the moments of labor.

Again the day came when I felt driven to have the baby.  I was two and a half weeks from my due date and I knew that we shouldn't wait for labor to start on its own.  We made all the arrangements.  Chani had been present for Cheyanne's birth.  It was the first time we had any of our children actually attend the birth.  Until then we had the children come in after the baby had arrived.  We had also tried to have the baby after the children had gone to sleep.

Cheyanne's birth was unexpectedly serious because of the medication.  This is the main reason I had not allowed the children to be present.  I had such a strong feeling that all would be ok and that it would be ok for Chani to be present.  During that same time Chamrie had awakened.  She was very worried about me and wanted to come into the room but she wasn't allowed in.  I didn't know she was outside the room until after Cheyanne was born.  The way things were handled with her by others during my labor had hurt and frightened her.

So as we put this matter to prayer while pregnant with Chalae.  We felt that we could again invite some of the children in for the birth.  I had felt that it should by my three older girls but I was concerned about skipping over Ben in the invitation.  I talked with him and he was clear that he wanted to see the baby after the birth but didn't want to be there until that time.

Every two years when I am pregnant, we have a course of study that centers on the developing baby.  Having taught childbirth classes, I have several videos and books on the subject.  My children watch these with me and they are familiar with a healthy knowledge of labor and delivery.  We felt our daughters were well prepared to be present at the birth and we had one friend there just for them.  She had been a midwife and could answer any questions.  She knew my children very well and so could tell if they were at all stressed.   My girls were nine, eleven and fourteen at the time.  They enjoyed the birth and were happy to have been present.

After everybody who we had planned on being present had arrived and the younger children were asleep it was time to break my water.  Blood pressure was taken and it was my normal low pressure.  Everything was healthy and ready.  The midwife listened to the baby's heartbeat and it was low.  She listened a second time and it was still low.  She had me lay on my side and instantly the heart tones became normal.  I got up and did a few things and we took the tones again.  They stayed normal and strong.  We waited another half hour and they consistently stayed normal.  She thought that perhaps the baby's cord had caused the drop in the tones because after lying on my side all seemed fine.

Labor began and progressed rapidly.  In the end it was a two-hour labor.  It was also a very frustrating one for me.  I did not feel a single contraction.  I sincerely believe that this labor would have been just like Chiya's except one painful problem.
Instead of contractions I would feel this wave of bladder pain.  I spent nearly the entire time on the toilet needing release from the painful feeling in the bladder.  Yes, it was rhythmic but I also knew it wasn't uterine.  I could not understand this!  I had never experienced anything like this with any other birth.  It frightened me.  I couldn't relax or be still.  I was nearly out of control, which was something that had never happened.  Between the waves, I would say that it wasn't the uterus it was the bladder.

Right before delivery heart tones were lost.  Chalae's head was born and the midwife used a suction device that she had never used before.  I knew at that point that something unusual was happening.  Then my baby was out and on my tummy.  She was so beautiful and healthy.  We never did find a reason for the problem with her heart tones.  Her cord was not wrapped around any part of her body.  Later, at the hospital nothing was found amiss.  It was just a case of her needing to be born right then.  I am again, as always, grateful for the inspiration that protects my family.

Once my daughter was born, the cause of the bladder pain was immediately evident.  She had held her little fist up by her head.  Most babies with a fist along the side their face either has the fist on the downward side of the head or it moves out of the way.  This little girl had her fist at her upward cheek and it was pressing into and streaking along my bladder every inch of the way.  If only that position was different it would have been a beautifully painless labor!

Not knowing the cause of the drop in her heart rate before labor or the cause of the loss of tones before delivery, my midwife kept close watch on Chalae.  Everything about her seemed perfect.  When morning arrived, my midwife looked our baby over again.  She felt that although everything seemed perfect it would be best to get an x-ray of her lungs and heart just to be sure.  She feared a birth defect might be present that we were missing.

Years before I had dreamed of giving birth to a baby girl who was pre-due date.  In the dream I kept saying with the firmest of convictions that the baby was healthy and didn't need to go to the hospital.  We had induced Chalae's birth earlier than any other induction.  Even so she was a good size baby checking in at eight pounds fifteen ounces.  I was certain that she was the baby from that particular dream.

Even so, we have a tremendous respect for our midwife's knowledge and skill.  She wanted to rule out something none of us could see.  I had lost more blood after this birth than was normal for me.  My midwife wanted me to stay home and rest while they got the tests run on the baby in case there was going to be a long ordeal ahead of us.  The doctor and hospital were less than five minutes away.  I finally agreed to let Neil and Chamrie take the baby to the doctor since they would quickly return so I could nurse my sweet angel.

Our doctor checked the baby over and felt she was totally healthy.  The midwife's concern was that she might have only half a heart.  She was persistent in feeling a need to having this checked out.  We persisted in wanting an x-ray because of her concerns.  The doctor did agree to have an x-ray and a blood test done to be sure.

He was not able to do them in his office.  Neil returned home for a few minutes while we tried to find a place other than the hospital to do the tests.  We were unsuccessful to Neil and Chani took Chalae to the hospital with our doctor's prescription to have a blood test and an x-ray performed.  Once he arrived at the hospital the intern there refused to run the tests unless Neil admitted the baby.

Neil asked them to follow the doctor's written instructions to do the tests and then see if there was anything wrong.  They refused.  Neil telephoned me to say that he would have to admit our baby into Intensive Care or they would not do the x-ray or blood test.  We both felt strongly that she was healthy and we only wanted to do the test because it seemed a responsible thing to do considering our midwife's concerns.  While he was talking to me, another doctor came up to him and I could hear him challenging my husband.  He was threatening confiscation of the infant if Neil didn't admit the baby.  There were no choices left.  We admitted her.

They admitted her immediately into Intensive Care because she had been born out of the hospital.  They ran the blood test and x-ray and in thirty minutes came back with the results.  She was totally normal and healthy except a drop in blood sugar because of being away from her mommy's nursing for too long.  I wonder why?  There was also extra blood in her because of the delayed clamping of the cord, which would mean some sleepiness and jaundice but nothing different from any other baby to which I had given birth.

Did they then let this healthy baby leave and return to her mother?  No.  It was the policy of the hospital that any infant admitted to Intensive Care remains for a minimum of three days regardless of condition.  She simply was out of our hands because of dire threats from arrogant professionals.  It would have been a simple thing to do the x-ray and be sure her lungs were clear and her heart normally formed.  It was an easy thing once they had their way.  Once their power was exerted and acknowledged, there was nothing more we could do.

They put an IV on her with antibiotics as standard procedure but she never showed any kind of infection.  In the three days I was with her around the clock, sitting in a rocking chair.   A few hours several times each day Neil would spell me so that I could sleep in the mother's room.  The doctors were very clear with us that she was totally healthy and had always been.  Yet we could do nothing to bring our baby home where she and we belonged.

She did develop jaundice.  We asked and insisted on treating it at home.  We went home with a bassinet used for jaundice home health care.  A nurse came every day for a few days to check her blood.  Then the machine and the nurse were gone and our week old baby was finally, safely and completely free.

This was something that I have pondered frequently and have not yet discovered the answer.  She was clearly the baby of the dream.  She was healthy and did not need that hospital stay.  In the dream I was insistent that she did not need to go to the hospital.  I did tell my midwife that Chalae was OK.  My midwife was persistent in insisting that it would be wise to get the small tests just to be sure.  She does not do this firm command lightly.  We respect her counsel.  Her worries were completely valid and we are grateful for her expertise and concern for our baby’s precious life.  If the hospital had been true to the doctor’s order, her worries would have been eased without painful consequences to our family.

If I had persisted and ignored her concerns all would have been ok.  They would have been joyfully normal.  Hindsight shows that without doubt.  Was the purpose of that vivid dream to warn me to not take this baby?  Was the purpose of the dream to comfort me that though Chalae would go, she would be found completely healthy?  Did we go through that terrible experience because I wavered in my faith and gave into knowledge and experience rather than to the instructions of the Spirit?

Knowing the moments surrounding the experience, I do not see that I could have done anything differently.  We have always been responsible parents.  We choose homebirths because we have studied, prayed, prepared and deeply believe that for us and our babies, each decided individually, it is the best choice.  We choose the midwife and the doctors through that same process.

Ben's birth was an unforeseen emergency and we followed every step the doctors laid out.  Ryan's birth was a hospital requirement that the Lord guided us right into.  We have shown that when the Spirit speaks or when the need for care is beyond us we follow the wise course even if it is a hard path.  I deeply regret taking her to the hospital.  I also do not see that I could have done anything different knowing our character as I do.

The anger intensified when they gave us the hospital bill.  The same company owned both the hospital Cheyanne had been in for her infant urinary tract infection and the hospital that Chalae was in.  Cheyanne had been a sick infant that had several tests and stayed three days.  Chalae was a healthy infant that was forced to stay three days.  Cheyanne's bill was $2,500.  Two years later Chalae's bill was $10,000.  Somebody made out well on this event but it wasn't my little daughter.

When we checked Chalae out of the hospital, Neil went to their billing department and told them that we would pay for the extra and the blood test that our doctor had prescribed but that we would not pay a penny for the forced hospital stay and the resultant additional charges.  We never heard another word about the bill.

I don't remember much about the birth.   In the morning Chalae was laying next to Mom and I said, "Mom, Chalae is really purple."  Mom said that babies look like that after birth.  Then I repeated that she looked a bit blue.  The midwife took her and held her to the window to see her color in natural light.  She was changing colors and this worried the midwife.  The midwife kept a close eye on her for a while after that.

Then Dad and I took the baby to see the doctor.  He said that she was fine but he agreed to have the tests done.  So we took her back home to nurse and then Chani and Dad took her to the hospital for the tests.

When Chani went into the hospital, the nurses were acting as if she was Chani's baby.  Chani said they were asking her questions like, "How was the labor?  Was it really painful?"  Chani would answer the questions as best as she could and then tell them she wasn't the mother.  The nurses treated her as if she was in denial of being a teen mother.

When Chalae came home, she was under the lights and the nurse came every day to prick her heel to test her blood.  We would see these little pinpricks on her foot.

Mom was really mad afterwards because the doctors had made Chalae stay in the hospital when she was healthy.  The doctors said that they would have charged Dad with child abuse if he had taken her from the hospital.  Then the hospital wanted us to pay for the forced stay!

I remember that Chalae was more purple than Cheyanne was.  We cut the cord a little late because Diane wanted to be sure there was nothing wrong with Chalae.  Later, the doctors told us that the delayed cutting was the cause of her darker color but it was not anything serious.

The midwife told Dad to take her in for a few tests.  He went to the doctor's office and they could do one test there but the other one they needed to do in the hospital so Dad decided to do both in the hospital.  He brought the baby back home so Mom could nurse her.

I went with dad to the hospital.  The hospital staff took the baby and me to a room while Dad talked to the doctors.  I was rocking the baby.  A doctor came in and peeked under the blanket at Chalae and said, "This is a really unhealthy baby."  She looked normal.  She acted normal.  I didn't have any respect for the doctor.  He treated her like she was something that came out of the gutter.  He didn't really look at her.  He left to talk to Dad.

A nurse came in and started asking me all these questions about her birth.  I answered them because I was there and I knew the answers.  She asked me how I was doing.  I looked at her real strange and told her I was fine.  Then she asked how long I had been pregnant.  I started laughing.  I explained that I was not the mother and that the mother was at home resting from the birth.  I was the daughter and had been at the birth.  She kept telling me that lots of teen mothers are in denial.  Dad came in and she asked if he was the father and I said, "Yes."  Then she looked at me strangely and left.

Two men and a nurse came in to do the blood test.  We put her on the table and I held her hands.  They couldn't find the right spot to get the blood on her foot so they had to poke her three times.  They treated her so mechanically.

After they left, an x-ray man came in and he had me wear a vest.  He treated her really nice.  He cooed at her while he took the x-rays.  He calmed her down from the heel pricks. Dad came in and they took us up to intensive care.  The staff had me sit in a wheel chair and carted me up to intensive care.  I kept asking why we were going up there and they never told me.  Dad had left to get mom and bring her back.

Chalae was the only other baby there that was on a warming table.  The nurse just looked at her and went away so I sat by the baby until Mom came.  She just walked in, not wheeled in a chair.  I was completely revolted by the hospital and the way they treated my sister.  I loved the feeling of the birth.  There was a big contrast between the sacredness of the birth at home and the coldness of the hospital.

Right from birth Chalae nursed every four hours with one seven-hour stretch.  I was distressed over this for nearly a month.  I had heard of babies doing this.  Some mothers have babies who sleep through the night right from the beginning.  I had never been so blessed.  I cried as I tried to wake her up for nursings that she didn't want.  I fretted and sobbed and worried.  I was like a mother who had never nursed an infant before.
    As the first month came to a close, I realized that she simply didn't want to nurse more frequently.  I finally relaxed and what a joy!  For the first time in a lifetime of babies I could sleep through the night.  I could get more done than just rock and nurse the sweet newborn.  I liked rocking and nursing the newborn!  I also loved the sleep.
    When she was five and a half months old she got her first tooth.  That change brought her around to having sleep patterns just like the other babies.  Today she is nearly seventeen months old and has the worst sleep patterns of any of my children.  She is awake until close to midnight.  Awake, happy and cute but still running around wanting us to play.
    Chalae was an early talker.  I tell people that she was born talking.  She might have found it difficult to get the thoughts out in word form but she was certainly willing to work at it.  She communicated with great skill.  She even talked in her sleep.  Chamrie and Ryan were also early talkers but they never talked while asleep and they did have an infanthood where their talking ability was submerged for a time.
    This sleep talking is fun and has given us a few chuckles.  Once she sat up while still asleep and began to make demands.  "I hungry!  I hungry!  I want butter!  I want butter!"
    Another time she started yelling in her sleep, "No Ben! Ben, no!  Do this.  Now!"
    One night while asleep she crawled off the couch and started pulling on the cushions.  Then she started crying, "Mom!  Nurse!  Mom!"  She thought I was the cushion.  Another night she was asleep on the couch and Chiya was sitting next to her.  Chalae suddenly woke up, or so it seemed to Chiya.  Chalae started to reach out to Chiya and then crawled over to her.  She was whimpering, "Momma, momma, milk!"  This about terrified Chiya until I told her she was just talking in her sleep.
    Cheyanne came right between two talkers.  She was so quiet and peaceful.  Once it became obvious to her that Chalae was about to take off in the realm of language Cheyanne decided to start talking.  She still has her quiet moments but silence is no longer the norm for her.
    Chalae adores her Grandpa.  Neil's dad moved in with us when Chalae was only four months old.  Bampa was one of her first words.  Whenever she hears him stirring in his room or whenever she sees him she calls out to him and runs up to chatter with him.  We have a child gate that keeps her from going into his room unsupervised.  He usually has a heater within reach and we don't want her touching it.  Anytime that gate gets left open for a moment she is through it and in talking to her Bampa.
    One of the other first words for Chalae was Keeeeeyaaaaaaah.  She learned to call her sister and Chiya was her first choice if Mom or Dad were absent.  Sometimes this tires Chiya out!  Chalae learned to whistle before she was fifteen months old.  She frowns at us when we tell her not to do something.  She is adamant about what she wants and won't be persuaded to change her course.
    There is no doubt in my mind and heart that she is that beautiful, graceful girl spirit that I had seen.  I am completely surprised at her verbal and powerful personality.  I wonder if it has had a chance to blossom because she arrived here before her brother that still waits his time.  Neil and I also smile in fearful anticipation that she seemed quieter because he is so much more verbal and forceful.  What a handful that son might turn out to be!
    All of our babies have slept with us for as long as we felt they could do so without falling out of the bed.  When we moved to Utah, we moved into a home that required four girls in a room, three boys in a room, Grandpa in a room and Neil, myself and Chalae in a room.  As a result she is still in bed with us.
    She spends half the night sleeping in a small port-a-crib.  At some point in the night she wants to be between her mommy and her dad.  I have enjoyed the closeness even if it means my sleep is less than perfect.  I am not willing to move her downstairs to the children's rooms because I am certain it would lead to her weaning and for me she is still too young for that step.

    Chalae is now five and convinced that she already knows how to read.  She is so much like Chamrie.  It is as if she came from heaven already knowing everything.  She is reliable, helpful and extremely independent.  Chalae joined Chani and Nathan in nursing the longest.  She weaned when she was 35 months old.  And she missed that special cuddle time.  Her favorite part of the day is when I put she and her sisters to bed.  I tell stories, pray, read scriptures and sing to my little angels.  It is my favorite time as well.  Chalae loves her mommy.  Oh, she loves everybody else in her world but her mommy is the best.  It is a wonderful time to be with my Chalae.  I've been a mother long enough to know that it will not always be smooth sailing but if she keeps her course it will be a fun and incredible journey.

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