Bringing the Past Home
Connecting with an Ancestor
by Cherie Logan

After our first child died, my interest in genealogy increased.  I thrilled in placing as many people as possible into their family groups.  However, I found a special compassion for those ancient families who had also experienced the death of children.

One day Neil walked in on me as I sat crying over my paperwork. He asked what was wrong. "Look at all these children who died in this family."

"When?" He was concerned. He had heard of no local tragedy.

"In the 1500's."

Neil looked at me as if I had partly lost my mind. In very puzzled and quiet tones he said, "Cherie, they are all dead now."

I laughed then and realized how right he was. It also brought a change in the way that I began to look at my families. As I looked at that particular family and their naming custom, I found myself noticing the age of the mother and remembering how I felt at that age.  Now, instead of just feeling the thrill of discovery I also began to liken my life emotions and experiences with theirs.  Suddenly, this long dead woman became very real to me.  All the information I had before me was off a single family group sheet, however, it opened a door in my heart that made this work vibrant.  This ancestor comes to me through my Humphrey line and was a joy to discover.

Meet Susan

Her name was Susan. She was born in England in 1569. When she was seventeen-years-old, she married twenty-one-year-old Thomas Starr. Shortly after her marriage she became pregnant and gave birth to her first son when she was only eighteen years old. She named him Jehosaphat. The name comes from the Old Testament after a King of Israel.

I also had become pregnant shortly after my marriage. I understood first hand the feelings of awe at having life in me for the first time. I knew the struggles of being sick and being a new wife at the same time. I knew the frustrations and insecurities of trying to fulfill all the wonderful things I wanted to do in my home and finding myself so very sleepy because of the pregnancy. I imagine that if I had been only seventeen years old, the various feelings of insecurity would have been magnified. Perhaps it was the custom to marry early, but the physical body and its changes would not have been any different than they are today.

When Susan was nineteen, she found herself the mother of a little toddler and pregnant again. She was twenty when she had her son Comfort. I knew what it was like to have a toddler and a new baby. I remember the wondrous realization that I could so deeply love two children as much as one child. I can still feel the grief at realizing that my older child had to wait for a meal because the little baby was needing mommy. I'll never forget my frantic effort to try and meet the needs of the toddler while the baby was crying and needing me once again. I learned the hard way how to survive on less sleep than I ever thought possible. I worried over the baby choking on something that the toddler might have left within reach. I still remember trying to teach my toddler to be gentle with the baby's eyes. My arms still feel what it was like cuddling my two miracles in the recliner and gently rocking them to sleep.

Susan was only twenty. She didn't have a rocker-recliner. She didn't have a dishwasher. She didn't have already baked bread. Yet I knew the learning process of being a mother must have been the same. She still must have felt torn at times between the two little lives that were so dependent upon her.

By the time Susan was twenty-one years old she was pregnant with her third baby. By now she had adjusted to having a three-year-old and a one-year-old. Something went wrong. Either they had difficulty making ends meet and having enough food to eat, or she had ignored symptoms that her baby might come early or it was just an unexpected event, but in 1591 at age twenty-two, Susan gave birth to a little daughter. One can feel Susan's heart drawn out in joy that she had a daughter and in grief and compassion at this little one's struggle to live. She named her sweet little girl NoStrength.

NoStrength must have fought valiantly to stay. She must have lacked the strength to nurse well enough to grow as a baby should. Susan buried her little angel when she was only ten weeks old.

I remember being twenty-two and giving birth to my Marshall, my little son weighing only three pounds and six ounces. I stayed by his crib side in the hospital praying that he would live. I watched him fight to overcome the problems of prematurity. I remember the grief when I realized he would not live and yet the endless hope that this trial would be like Abraham's and he would miraculously be healed.

My Susan of the 1500's did not have the Neonatology unit. She did not have my knowledge of eternal families. Yet we both knew the confusing joy of a new life and the intense tears of watching and living that struggle and finally the need to release our beloved into the hands of our God.

Susan didn't wait a moment. She became pregnant as soon as possible and in one year at the age of twenty-three she gave birth to her son. She named him Moregifte. He was a gift in her arms to comfort her in her grief. By now her older boys were about three and five-years-old. This time she had two children old enough to play together as she sat the many hours needed to care for a newborn.

I remember being pregnant with Chani following my Marshall. I remember the joy of feeling her new life moving within me and yet the overwhelming fear that she too would not be able to stay. I remember holding her night after night, gratitude filling my heart in fervent prayer for this joy and comfort in my arms. I knew exactly the feelings this Susan of long ago had experienced.

When Susan was twenty-five years old and her children were two, five and seven, she gave birth to William. If she was anything like me, life as a mother would have settled down by now. Routines that worked with the children had all been established. She had by now enough experience with the various odd behaviors of little ones, with the various development jumps, with the joys and frustrations to take things in stride. Life was beginning to have a rhythm to it.

When Susan was twenty-eight and her boys were three, five, eight and ten years old she gave birth to another little daughter. In the naming of her daughter one can feel the great joy and gratitude she felt to finally have a little girl. Mercy was her name, for God surely was merciful unto her.

A year later, when Susan was twenty-nine and her boys were four, six, nine, and eleven, and her little girl was only one, she gave birth to another daughter. Again her joy is expressed as she praises God for his placing into her care another little one to raise. Her baby daughter was named SureTrust.

Early in the year 1600, when Susan was thirty-one years old she was again pregnant and her sons were six, eight, eleven and thirteen. Her little Suretrust was two years old and she was getting ready to celebrate her Mercy's third birthday when tragedy again struck this mother's heart. Little Mercy died shortly before that birthday and her dear mother had to place another little angel in the grave hoping that there really would be a resurrection and that she would hear her angel's laughter once more. Grief must have been overwhelming and yet there were the five children still needing her and the little one moving within her. Three months later she gave birth to her son. Here again in the naming of this little child one can feel the mother's faith and courage. He was named Standfast and he brought the comfort to help his mother stand fast in the faith.

When Susan was thirty-three years old, her children were two, four, eight, ten, thirteen and fifteen. She now had two teens, one preteen, two middle children and one toddler. She also gave birth to another daughter. She named her Judith after the Judith of the Apocrypha who is said to be the ideal of piety, beauty, courage and chastity.

I know the blessings and struggles of having children all up and down the age scale. I cannot but identify with this woman who lived a life so different but so similar to my own.

When she was thirty-five-years-old, another child was born. I do not know if this was a son or a daughter. This child did not live long enough to marry and yet there seems to be no record of the death. Susan named this angel Truth Shall Prevail and leaves me to wonder at the circumstances within this family to cause such a bold statement or such a plea to God with the bestowing of that name.

When she was 38 years old, the same age that I was when my little Chalae, my ninth baby, was born, she gave birth to her eleventh child. Here is where I come to suspect that Truth Shall Prevail had died as a young baby. This eleventh child, another son, was named Joyful.

Joyful lived to marry, which was a blessing to the researchers. His second wife was named Constance. Seeing that Joyful and Constance were married to each other, their individual sexes could be confusing as the naming customs do not make it clear which was husband and which was wife. However, his first wife was named Margaret so there was no confusion after all. Margaret must have died within the first eight years of marriage and then he married Constance. She must have died not long after as he married Martha two years later.

When Susan was my age, her daughter Judith died just before her seventh birthday and only eight days later her nine-year-old Standfast also died. The thought of having my eight-year-old Nathan and my ten-year-old Chiya leaving us at the same time is unbearable to my heart and imagination. It must have been an accident that involved both children or an illness that she tried to nurse them through. Either the sudden fear and panic of an accident or the exhausting vigilance of a serious, contagious illness would cause her spirit to be drawn out in mighty prayer and pleading. Did she remain faithful when she had to allow her angels to be taken from her arms that one last time? The answer comes a year later when at age forty-one, she gives birth to her twelfth child, a little daughter. She names her Constante and one can hear the honor and faith as she lets her Lord know of her constant hope and his constant comfort.

What happened to Susan between her forty-first and forty-seventh birthday we do not know. Was her dear Thomas gone? That is unlikely. Knowing Susan and Thomas' history of the arrival of children I feel certain she experienced the pain of miscarriages and perhaps stillbirths. When she was forty-seven, she celebrated with her family the marriage of her son Moregifte to Rachel, and then twenty-one days later she gave birth to her last child. This little one was named Beloved.

One year later Moregifte died, leaving a grieving bride and loving parents. A year later Susan's daughter Suretrust married Faithful. Four years later in 1622 when Susan was fifty-three years old her son Jehosaphat married Mary. Five months later Susan's four-year-old Beloved died. By now grandchildren were arriving and they surely were a comfort to Susan's empty arms. Still I know throughout my whole being what a comfort the knowledge of an eternal connection between her and her silent child would have been.

Sometime later Susan experienced a separation of a different sort as she and Thomas moved to America with her daughters Constante and Suretrust and her son Comfort and their families. She had to say good-bye to the rest of her children and her grandchildren knowing that she would never see them again in her lifetime. I realize as I study this family group sheet that only the gospel could bring abiding comfort to this woman born 400 years ago.

"No," I said, to him, laughter bubbling out of the joy inside me, tears coursing down my cheeks, "No. They all still live."

The articles were written in the hope that they will help mothers realize just how normal chaotic life with children really is and how priceless the journey.  If your heart is touched, your mind enlightened, your spirit strengthened please visit Our Missionaries, the link will be at the bottom of every article.