The five elements that I believe go into our family’s homeschooling are:
1.  Developing the Long View - the Purpose.
2.  Philosophies which guide behavior to match view.
3.  Structure to support the view.
4.  Communication to enrich understanding and keep us moving in the desired direction
5.  Attitude Management because it is the attitude that keeps the fire lit.

I. Purpose.

Our specific purpose is that we are raising our children to be independent learners, successful husbands and wives, loving and capable mothers and fathers, good friends and service oriented, moral adults.

When I first started homeschooling the most frequent questions I was asked were how long will you do this, forever?  What about High School?  What about teaching algebra?

I would smile and answer: I don't know about forever, but I'm doing it this year.  Chani is only 5, she has a few years before High School.  And to the last question I would say, "Oh, my children are not allowed to learn algebra until they leave home!"

As long as homeschooling fulfills the reason we are doing it, we will continue. We are homeschooling our children because we are convinced that it is the very best lifestyle for our family and will allow each child to develop their unique personalities and prepare them for the important responsibilities and relationships of adulthood.

Discovering what I wanted for my children wasn't an overnight awakening.  At first, I didn't want to think about my little ones as adults.  I wanted to be careful to not put any limits or expectations upon them.  There is a belief that parents who do that push their children or hold them back.  It took a while for me to realize there was a difference between saying you want your child to be a doctor or a lawyer and saying that you want your child to be a successful husband or wife.

Step by step I discovered what I wanted for my children.  With each step, I became more confident in evaluating the things that will help me prepare them for those important roles.  With a solid purpose behind our homeschooling adventure, days like the one from my journal become like a summer shower interrupting a game, we rest a bit and wait for the rains to blow past.

There are several philosophical concepts I believe will best bring about the purpose we have established for our family..

A.  Our actions need to be based on our long term goal and not on what seems to be immediately preferable.

I can clean up after dinner and wash dishes much faster than any of my children, regardless of their age.  This is a law of nature.  However, if my goal is to not have my future son or daughter-in-law grumble at me, if I want my children be successful husbands and wives, then I  would be wise to assign the task to my children, even if it takes an hour longer to finish.

As a teaching mom, I know that my preschoolers enjoy watching wonderful educational programs.  This entertainment can occupy them quietly for several minutes.  However, I also know that my older children..again, regardless of their age...will stop whatever they are doing to watch the same shows.

Because I am focused on the long term purpose of my children becoming independent learners, I find I have to arrange their learning environment by scheduling when educational programs can be viewed.  This doesn't mean that the younger ones won't ask every day if they could watch something and it certainly doesn't mean that they will never fuss at me when I say no.  The short term effects of my scheduling is a real trial in daily patience, but the future benefits strengthen my resolve.

There are times when the long-term vision gets crowded out by necessity.  Rainy days happen, over-scheduling and illnesses intrude on the normal daily flow.  Taking a day off to watch 6 hours of Pride and Prejudice or surviving through a day long game of monopoly makes for a pleasant mental and emotional vacation.  These occasional days do wonders for creating new energy when you begin to refocus.  Be flexible and accept these diversions as part of the living process.  These vacations are normal and ultimately desirable because they renew everybody's energy.  Because there is an established long-term purpose, these little vacations will not crash your entire program.

B.  Another concept centers around teaching and learning.  How you view these two processes will determine how you manage your curriculum.

Over the years we have developed a teaching and learning philosophy that works well for us.  Basically, it goes like this: Teaching is the parent's job.  Learning is the child's job.  What, when and where teaching is done is the parent's responsibility.  How teaching is done is based upon the child's personality, the family interaction and the parent's comfort level.  This doesn't mean that the parent never learns and the child never teaches, but when it comes to responsibility, parents teach, children learn.

We feel it is our responsibility to determine if our child will be taught at home, at private or public school or a combination of places.  It is also our responsibility to decide on a curriculum for our children.  We have the task of forming a schedule that is compatible with our family's needs. Our job includes evaluating each child's strengths and weaknesses and plan a course of private study to compliment the group lessons.

Once these things are worked out and teaching begins, then it is our child's responsibility to learn. Learning means following the instructions, the outlines, and the schedules presented. Learning consists of listening, thinking, creating and remembering.

When something interferes with this learning process than it is my job to find out where the problem lies.  Will a change in teaching technique overcome the difficulty?  What about a change of schedule?  What about more repetition?  More physical or creative work?  If something doesn't work then I try something else until everything begins to run smoothly.

Sometimes, the learning problem is centered in my child.  He could be having a rebellious day, she could be lazy and whiney about doing the work.  At this point, I need to recognize that the responsibility for the behavior belongs to my child.  He is the one who has the job of learning.  If I have provided all the tools and made adjustments to suit his learning style and he still refuses then it is time to work on attitudes.  The first attitude assessment needs to be my own.  Am I being stubborn when a little negotiation will work wonders?  Have I taught clearly?  How important is the thing being resisted in relation to our Purpose?  After my own evaluation, I need to evaluate my child.  Is he getting enough sleep?  Is he skipping breakfast to play on the computer?  Is it stubbornness or laziness?

Once the assessments are made then it is time to take action to overcome the problem.  There are a few courses of action that we consistently use.  The first is that there will be no playing with friends until school work is finished.  The other is that school continues until a specific hour and then is done.  This may seem to be in conflict but having the two different norms in our home allows me to decided which one is best under various situations and because they are both used frequently, my children consider it consistent.

When it comes to teaching, a parent's comfort level comes into play concerning subject matter.  If I am not comfortable teaching something than my children can choose to learn more themselves, my husband can teach it, I can find a tutor for that topic, send the child to school for the one class, get a home study college class with a mentor following the child's progress, or even decide that learning a particular subject can wait until the child is grown and learning on his own.

C. Another philosophy we follow concerns priorities:

We all have priorities in life.  Sometimes they are obscured by the busy nature of our daily activities.  By spending some time focusing on priorities we can make choices which are in keeping with our homeschooling goals.

Through establishing priorities we develop our own yardstick to measure the use and abuse of our time.  We are better able to make intelligent and guilt-free decisions in a wide variety of situations.

Years ago Neil and I attended a class on husband and wife communication.  It was fascinating.  One exercise really stood out and had a profound effect on our traditional argument.  Neil and I only argued about one thing...how I spend money and how he doesn't.  At least, that is how the argument seemed to us.  The exercise that brought the real conflict out into the open consisted of each of us making lists of what was important to us.  After making our individual lists then we were to go through and determine the order of importance for each item.  Then we compared lists.

Neil's list was detailed and mine contained broad categories.  In order to compare the lists we had to look at Neil's detail and figure out which of my categories each of his items belonged.  Sort of like finding the common denominator in a math problem.  Once that was done, we looked over the list and were thrilled to find that our first four items matched exactly.  They were in order: God, marriage, children, and church.  The next two items on our lists were the same except that their order was switched.  His next item was our health and my next item was what I called Experience which meant books, education, dates, field trips and so forth.  The big conflict in our life wasn't really money, it was these two items being switched.  I would get irritated because he didn't like me spending money on experience and he was frustrated because I would sacrifice healthier food for those experiences.  By identifying where the problem really was I was able to be careful to budget for both healthier food and the experiences I wanted for my family.

Once prioritized, the first five items are the most important.  Looking at only those items: If you and your companion have the same priorities and they are in the same order then the unity between the two of you as decisions are made will be strong.  If you have the same top priorities but in a different order any conflicts you have might be organizational in nature.  If some of the top priorities differ between the parents then it is possible for those areas to be sources of conflict.  The parent who has a priority that the other parent does not have is the one responsible for following through and upholding that priority.  Conflict comes when one parent wants something but doesn't want to do it and the other doesn't about care it.  Or when the one who doesn't care doesn't want the other doing what they feel is important.

For an example of using life priorities in home education: If my child has been rebellious in school, refusing to do something no matter what options are given, I would tell him that he may not play until the task is finished.  If a friend calls and wants to take him swimming, he can't go.  If a friend was going to come over, the friend is called and the play time canceled.  But, if a church activity is happening, my child would be allowed to go.  Why?  Because I believe that my child is the Lord's child first and therefore it is not my stewardship to interfere with His programs.  Since my husband and I have God as our highest priority there is no conflict in this decision.

Make another priority list just pertaining to homeschooling.  What you want your children to study, what is important for the day to go right etc.  Your list will be quite long and you know there is no way you can cover everything every day.  Then go through the prioritizing process. If the first five things on the list are covered you can consider that you have had a successful day.  However, if you are finding that you are worried about how school is going, or about how you are doing with organizing the day then it is time to look at your list.  You will probably find that the first five things are not being consistently done.  Use this list to keep yourself on track.

There is a draw-back to this.  Very few children have the same priorities as their parents.  There are not many who would put school work before playing with friends.  As their mother, I have a longer view of what is important and it is my job to enforce my priority of school work over theirs of no schoolwork.  It would be nice if they always loved what they had to do but some things in life are done just because they must be regardless of how we feel about them.

D.  The next philosophy concept is: There is time, eventually, to learn whatever is important to learn.

It doesn't have to all be done today or even this year.  Keeping a long view and staying centered in the reason you are living a  homeschooling lifestyle helps you relax through the frustrations.   Give yourself time to learn the techniques that work best in your home.  Give your child time to blossom.  The future is made up of all the small components called Right Now...relax and enjoy those moments.

E.  Our fifth homeschooling philosophy is: I don't have to do everything, teach everything, understand everything.

In fact, if I was everything then eventually the important things in life would fall apart.  When I am not comfortable with a subject, I find a tool or another person to teach it.  Grandparents can be great mentors.  My mother has pointed out a few areas  that need my children's attention.  It was wonderful to have her help in the area of social etiquette!  There are computers, videos, friends to tutor, classes, and always remember that children will grow up...some things can wait until they are adults.

Remember that just because you can do something doesn't mean that you should.  If you are doing all the teaching, cleaning, cooking, shopping, and organizing, will you have time to read to your toddler, nurse your baby, work on your hobby, have dates and planning sessions with your husband, relax and watch television, exercise, sleep?  If you are doing it all will your child be prepared to be a mother or father, a wife or husband, to live on their own, to have experience working with and teaching another person?

Simplify your life through scheduling meals, shopping, and chores.  See your working self as a supervisor, and organizer rather than as the cook and cleaning lady.  When your children are tiny you have to do almost everything that needs doing in the home.  As they grow those jobs should shift more and more away from you and towards the children as they learn how to care for their needs and those of others.  By the time they leave your home, your children should be able to cook, clean, teach, help others and organize their lives.

This is the form and function of the goal.  What curriculums will you use?  What routines will you follow?  What schedule works for your family?  After developing your goal and philosophy then you need to create a structure for your school day.  Expect the structure to change from time to time as you experiment with new ideas.

In our home we use a couple of curriculums that work well together.  One is a guideline type that allows me freedom by not telling me what I should do every day.  The other is composed of many enjoyable books for group study and personal reading.  By the time my older girls became teens they were pretty independent in pursuing their interests.  They join us for group lessons and I make suggestions for their continued learning.  It has been a joy to watch them develop talents and pursue worthy interests. My teen son, on the other hand, does best when I clearly outline what is expected of him in educational matters.  Like his sisters, when it comes to helping others and fulfilling responsibilities, he is willing and reliable.

I have found that my family needs a combination of group lessons and private studies.  The private studies allow each child to work on what they need at their unique level.  The group lessons provide unity among my children and makes teaching much easier for me.

We do our morning jobs before school starts, most evening jobs just before dinner and a few right after.  During school time, I don't worry about the chaos that teaching nine children makes in a home.  One year we focused on always having the home orderly during school time. We found that we had little time for anything except pick up and keep up.

Once school is over, I find that it is a good idea to have the children play rather than return to chores right away.  This gives me a little breather before supervising the clean up and helps the children stay focused on school knowing that once it is over they can get together with their friends for the afternoon.  They all need to be home by 4:30 to do the evening jobs.  Once they are finished, if dinner isn't ready, they can play longer.  This helps them to hurry with the chores.

I like to pair up my children during group lessons having an advanced reader work with a less skilled reader.  This encourages the children to help and learn from each other.

Structure management takes creativity and assessment.  While the homeschooling purpose will change a little over the years and philosophies will slowly refine over time, structure should be allowed to adapt according to mother's discretion.

This brings me to my fourth element of homeschooling which is family communication.  There are so many facets to this element that I wish I could go into greater depth but time won't allow it.  I hope to share enough to interest you to pursue a personal study of family communication.

The brain of each individual utilizes several different 'modalities' in order to understand and communicate with the world around them.  When you understand how your child's brain works, you will be able to interact and teach with greater success.

There are three basic methods of communication and each of them has an Internal and an External manifestation.

Thus you have:
Internal and External Feeling which is called Kinesthetic, shortened to Keno, Internal and External Auditory, and Internal and External Visual.

Examples of each:
Internal Keno might show itself with warm feelings in the heart for good things or a sickness in the stomach for bad things.

External Keno might include touch, physical manipulations, or chills.

Internal Auditory which would be mental conversations, and sounds.

External Auditory would be hearing the sounds and conversations happening around us.

Internal Visual would include dreams, mental pictures, visualizations, visions.

External Visual are the things seen by the normal eye.

A person interprets the world through the methods he is most comfortable with.  You can develop all of the levels if you desire.  The more variety you can use in your communication the more effective you are with a wider range of individuals.  No one method of communication is more important than another.  The purpose of communication is to be understood, regardless of how it is done.

Keeping in mind that while all methods may be developed, we usually rely on only a few most of the time.  Here are some things that might help you determine the methods each family member uses:

Keno individuals tend to speak slower than the others, and glance down as if checking their heart and their feelings about things before responding to questions.  This isn't the same as looking at the ground or being insecure.  It is a unconscious glance downward to find the data to respond.  They tend to be quieter.  They answer better if asked what they feel instead of what they think.  Sometimes speaking is impossible because of all the emotions.  Pushing a feeling person to hurry under stress often causes more stress to the point that they actually stand still and are unable to move at all.  This is not rebellion, it is a mental and emotional overload.  A feeling child might not seem as quick as an auditory or visual child..that is only because they don't output as fast.  But the depth that a feeling person understand subtle meanings often far surpasses the auditory or visual

An Auditory person is fairly balanced when communicating.  He is often gifted in the use of words.  If he is not careful, he can be a boring teacher.  However,  if he is sure to touch into both feeling and visual expression then he will be an excellent instructor.  He speaks at a comfortable pace and is tolerated well by both the feeling and the visual people.  His eyes stay in the center when accessing information.  He responds well when asked what he thinks or what he knows.  He can be a mediator between visual and keno people.

A Visual communicator usually speaks louder and faster than the other two.  Keno people sometimes feel exhausted when around a visual person in high gear.  Visuals see patterns, see detail, see their way clear, or can't see it at all.  He is tempered by Auditory people and they can bring his excitement and volume down a notch to make interaction easier.  He is often frustrated with a Keno person because they don't act fast enough, answer fast enough and can't see the picture.

Now for examples of the blending of types.  They are described as the ways each person processes and in the order that it is done.  Since a person uses between 2-3 of the 6 methods and the order varies from person to person you can see that there is a wide range of possible techniques.

The pattern I use most of the time is Internal Auditory-External Auditory-Internal Visual.  I hear the information inside me, I then say it out-loud until I can give it an internal visual shape.  Sometimes, I will take the time and effort to get a feeling.  I have to listen very carefully to be sure about the feeling.  Notice that I said LISTEN to the feeling.  For me, even feeling has auditory tones to it.

My husband, on the other hand, interprets things by feeling them first, then checking to see how they look and then checking back with his feelings to be sure he saw it right.  His pattern is: Internal Keno - Internal Visual - Internal Keno.  He bounces between the two, relying mostly on the feeling with the visual added for better understanding.  He rarely ever hits the auditory level.  Now, when he is acting as a doctor teaching a patient about something, he is auditory out of necessity.

When we were first married, I would ask him, "What do you think about..?"  He would NEVER answer me!  I would wait and wait and then impatiently say, "A simple yes or no!  It's not hard!"  This didn't go over very well.  When I learned about communication I learned that I had to ask him, "What do you feel about...?" And then he could answer me somewhat quicker and with more surety.  When I asked him what he thought about something I was asking for an auditory person's response.  Even now, knowing and practicing communication for almost 13 years, I will still first say, "What do you think?" and then instantly change it to "What do you feel?"  I have had to learn to give him time to respond.  Keno people just don't express things as quickly as auditory and visual people.  Giving him time is much harder than simply rewording my questions.

Because my husband's pattern doesn't easily include auditory, it eased our marriage tremendously when I realized that he "didn't talk to me" not because he didn't care but because accessing talk was not normal for him.  So I compensated by allowing myself to be thrilled if all he did was provide the live body to bounce the sounds off of when I needed to talk. In return, although I am not a feeling communicator, he is, so I need to help my home have some quiet time and be careful to not over-schedule his life.

A visual mother needs to come down in her presentation for a feeling child.  If she talks too fast and too loud than she will frustrate and lose him.  A Feeling mother can be overwhelmed in dealing with a visual child.  She needs to teach him how to slow down to the auditory level when they need to communicate.  Meanwhile, she can work on moving up to the auditory level as well.

Another example of communication effecting learning can be seen in the process of memorizing a piano piece.  A visual person might see the notes in their mind.  An auditory person will hear it and a Keno might feel the placement and timing in their fingers.  Most likely, more than one method will be used to process the information.

Reading to your child is a wonderful activity no matter what their modalities happen to be.  If your child is auditory, don't worry much about the best way to read.  Probably the biggest problem you will have is your auditory child interrupting the story with comments.  If your child is visual then expect that she will want to look at a picture on the page and then bounce around a bit while you read and then check back for the next picture.  You might begin to feel that you are not reading fast enough for her visual mind.  If your child is Keno then read to her in quiet settings.  Slower, gentler stories would work well.  Help her come up to the auditory level by reading to her the same story over and over..she will begin to vocalize the words in her mind or even out loud.  Say a familiar sentence but leave off a part so she will add in the words.

This is only one part of the communication profile of an individual.  Some of the other elements include:
Intersecting or Moving Through Time, Being Future, Past or Present Oriented
Moving toward or Moving away from Motivation
Being Logical or Creative, Sequential or Optional, Predictable or Mismatched
My Rule/Your Rule/God's Rule Validity
Prefers Detail or Outline, Consistent or Flexible Attitude

These are foreign terms for many of you but are all components of communication and make for a fascinating study in family relationships.  Make understanding and using communication techniques an important unit of private study for yourself.

Attitude strengthens communication, supports structure and keeps the fire lit under the Purpose of homeschooling throughout the years.

How I act and how I feel about myself, my husband, my children and our lifestyle causes me to enjoy life and or be miserable.  If I am miserable while doing what I know is best for my family then it is time to take control of my attitude.  Sometimes this means making adjustments in the structure of our schooling or the management of my time.  Often it means gaining an understanding of how my family is interacting with each other. Occasionally it means that I have become lazy and have not been focused on why we are doing this very unusual thing called homeschooling.  Here are a few things that help keep perspective and joy in the homeschooling mother's life.

Relax and enjoy the daily routines.  Be amused at the minor conflicts and challenges.  You will see them over and over and over.  If they drive you insane today and tomorrow and the next day then eventually you will feel that you have lost something.  Be quick to laugh and find the bright side of any struggle.

Go out with your husband twice a week.   One of those dates could be something as simple as hiding out in the car, whispering on the couch or going shopping.  During this time talk about the problems and challenges in the family and evaluate how things are going, decide to adjust course here and there, focus on one child at a time as well as the family group. This private date with your companion is a problem-solving time.  It isn't very romantic but over the months and years it is just as vital towards a healthy marriage as romance.  My favorite time to do this is when Neil is driving because then he can't fall asleep while I talk.

The second date each week should be pure entertainment.  It could be romantic, uplifting or just plain fun..  We have found that we enjoy this date the most when we go out with other couples.  When you are with another couple and the topic of your children and their craziness comes up, it isn't a problem solving situation, instead, it is an "Oh, I guess this is normal if yours do it too."  You laugh together over things that might otherwise cause you to grit your teeth.  You and your husband get to interact again the way you did when you were single and drawing towards each other amid social contact.  It brings out aspects of your personality that sometimes gets lost.  Renew yourself through these two dates and then renew yourself through personal development.

Set aside one day a week where the children do only private studies, crafts, games or anything self-directed with mild supervision and use that day to study, read, write, pursue a hobby or visit with friends.  Do something to satisfy that part of you that is unique.  Do this every week as once a month is simply not enough time.

These things combined with occasional vacations from normal routines will help you to keep focused on the purpose while enjoying the homeschooling process.  So my five elements of homeschooling are:
1.  Identifying your purpose.
2.  Discovering the philosophies that will help you accomplish your purpose.
3.  Establishing the structure that gives shape to your purpose.
4.  Understanding family communication to capture learning and magnify relationships.
5. Controlling the attitudes that make this unusual life enjoyable.