Who invented the term Mother-In-Law? 

Mother-In-Law...Father-In-Law...What does it mean?  In-Law really doesn't mean Father by right of the Laws of the Land but Father by virtue of the Laws of God.  Mother by Divine Investure.  It should mean Mother, Father and not THAT woman or THAT man.  Somehow, somewhere we have lost the sentiment expressed by Ruth when she exclaimed, "Thy people shall be my people.  Thy God, my God."  The sentiment of her heart which cried, "Do not leave me behind, even though he who once connected us is no longer present!"

My Mother-in-Law...Oh!  Tears fill my eyes as I think of her.  As I remember each moment with her, each uncomfortable moment, each wonderful moment, and sadly, the missed moments.  She was so different from my own mother.  She had eight children and my mother had two.  She had her last baby when she was in her 40's and my mother had her last at age 22.  She nursed her babies, stayed home and raised them, and lived in a house well-worn with use.  My mother struggled to raise her tiny girls as a divorced woman, working away from home.  Eventually she remarried and for a few short years was able to be at home with her girls.  Then following the death of our beloved dad, she needed to return to work.  My mother-in-law was focused on natural health and my mother on the benefits of the medical world.  So different, these two women in my life.  My two mothers.

When we first married it was almost overwhelming.  Little Marshall was born weighing 3 ½ pounds and died 8 weeks later.  My mother worried about my well-being and Neil's mother worried right along with her.  Both mothers grieved with me when my little son slipped away from mortality.  Both woman brought their unique personality into my life and comforted me in those devastating moments.

When Chani came along...oh my!  My mother had very little experience nursing babies.  She seemed excited and never once was critical of how I was managing in those difficult days of learning to be a mother.  Neil's mom...so experienced..and so cautious.  She wanted to help but didn't want to interfere.  We'd visit her every week and when nursing time came..again and again and again...she once suggested that perhaps my baby needed more rocking without the nursing..maybe, just maybe her tummy hurt.  That was the only near criticism I ever heard from her.

My classy Mother!  Never a word of disapproval when I would struggle to nurse in the restaurant.  Never a frustrated sigh when I had to bring my baby everywhere we went.  My sweet Mother-in-law...always there, always gentle, always laughing.

I invited my mother to be present at Chani's birth.  It was so precious!  Someday, I thought, I'll invite Mom to a birth.  But Ben and Chamrie were born hundreds of miles away.  Then we returned and Chiya came and I hadn't extended an invitation to her, instead, she watched my little children while I labored and birthed at home.  Then it was Nathan.  I loved my Mother-in-law but somehow, again, I put off the invitation..after all..she had never mentioned that she would like to be at one of the births.

I had pneumonia when Nathan was born and the next morning I had pleurisy.  Neil's mom was called to come over and sit with me, watching my children, helping with my baby.  I nearly died and my husband went to work, trusting that his mother would protect his little family.

My mother-in-law sat on my couch, holding my hours-old son and gazed into his face as her eyes filled with tears.  Quietly, I heard her whisper to him, "Eight babies and I have never seen a birth..."  Her voice died down and I heard the unspoken cry of her heart.."Oh, how I wish I could have seen yours."

I promised myself that this Mother-In-Law thing was over.  Although I had called her Mom from the beginning and there were hugs and laughter between us, when it came to the most sacred and serious of things I had kept a distance.  Next time...next time she will be right beside me as one of her grandchildren enters our family.

Eight months later I awoke and told my husband that we needed to go see Mom.  She was dying in the hospital from breast cancer.  Those precious breasts that had nurtured my husband as a baby and had sacrificed for seven other little ones were now housing the enemy that was taking her from our daily lives.  We gathered up our children for the second time in two days and took them to where Mom was staying.

Chani was only eight and that morning told me that she had seen Marshall, my heavenly son, and he had told her that Grandma was dying.  Ben, only 6 years old had cuddled up with his dad and told him that Jesus had come and told him that Grandma was going to die.  My little ones kissed and talked to their grandma and then their dad kissed his mother and took his children outside.  I was left alone with this woman that God's Law had made my mother.

Quietly, I asked her why I was there and she told me she wanted my help with something.  Something to prepare her.  Then quietly, privately, she received a priceless gift...a spirtual promise beyond description.  I received more.  I was able to give of myself to the one person most responsible for my children's father being who he really is.  I was able to see eternity the way it is intended to be, families connected without artificial social barriers.  Days later she was gone.

Two years later, I gave birth to Ryan.  In a hospital, by c-section, with my husband sitting by my side an overwhelming message coursed through me.  "I am here....my grandson!"

My mother remains and every day becomes more and more my understanding friend, my sweet comfort, my comrade in giggles as we watch my children and their antics.  What joy my relationship with my mother brings me!  I become closer to her every year, every month.  How wonderful to deepen that love that was truly my very first.

My oldest is 20.  In the not-dim future I shall be a Mother-In-Law.  Today I cringe when I think of the distance I sometimes put between me and my two mothers knowing how I would feel should those same actions be directed towards me.  How my arms will want to cradle my grandchildren!  How my heart will wish that little baby could be lifted to my breast and rocked!  How my feet will want to rush to the crying infant and comfort as I have so many others!  How my spirit will pray, "Be gentle with me...someday...you will experience the great conflict of lost motherhood and the gain of life as a grandmother.  Please, please allow me joy in this new role!"