I have never been able to let my baby cry it out.  There was just no way I could do that. (Except in the car seat but I rarely drive and could lean over to nurse my baby for a few comforting minutes.  That was usually enough to quiet the ride.)

When Marshall was in the hospital, he was on a respirator until his death.  He would cry but there was no sound.  It was heartbreaking to see soundless crying.  I thought...surely a baby's cry would be the sweetest experience!  My little angel died and other than a few moments at his birth I had never heard his voice.

Chani came along and crying became a very real form of communication.  That is exactly what it was for me..communication.  My baby was telling me in the only way she could that she needed me.

Marshall could tell us that he needed us only through monitors that registered his oxygen levels and heart rates.  This little boy knew who his parents were.  Even though he had a nurse who lived with him 12 hours at a stretch and then changed to another nurse for another 12 hours and we were only there minutes comparatively, yet he knew us.  Most of the time he was on a drug called Pavalon which eliminated his ability to physically respond, but his vitals would always increase when we were with him.  When we would whisper that we had to go, he would try so hard to open his eyes, trying to keep us by his side.  Yes, he was communicating to us.  And if he could, so could my full term, healthy daughter.  Only Chani didn't have machines hooked up to her so that we could see the evidence.  To me, her crying and her peace were the deciding words.

This has spilled through into the lives of all of my children.  Eventually,  I stopped getting up with my babies when they wanted me in the night...oh....when each was about 18 months of age.  At that time, I would have Neil get up with them instead.  It didn't last long and they would go back to sleep and eventually sleep all night.  All night to us didn't mean an absence of waking up but that the little one didn't get up and play but would stay asleep...nursing in peace even if only for a few moments or taking that sip of water before falling back, eyes still closed.

In the 20 ½  years of my living babies, 20 ½ years of nonstop nursing my nine little ones,  I have rarely had a full night's sleep.  Before that, well, I was single and a Young Adult in my  church and I am sure that I only got 4 hours of sleep per night anyway!

There are changes that happen to a mother at the end of her pregnancy.  She begins to awaken quite naturally about every 2 hours to go potty.  Wow, what a remarkable coincidence!  Perhaps the Lord has a hand in it.  Many very pregnant women also find that at least once in that long night, they are totally awake and unable to go back to sleep right away.  This is a natural preparation for nursing.

Of course, pregnant mothers also have a great need to nap in the middle of the afternoon or early evening.  This is also preparation for the new baby.  Unfortunately, our isolated society doesn't allow many of us to have sisters, mothers, nieces, nephews, brothers, and fathers near the home, across the street and around the corner to help out while daddy works.  Still....if only.

I have tried the Cry It Out advice a few times when I have been desperate for sleep.  There are always moments when the need for sleep seems to be the driving force in life.  I just can't do it.  And my little one looking at me as if betrayed because all other times needs were met easily and tenderly.

Crying.  There have been moments when I have cried uncontrollably and nobody was around to comfort.  A good cry?  I have never experienced it.  For me, crying exhausts me and I am in that drained state for a very long time.

I know there are awesome mothers who have successfully trained their children to sleep with relatively little heart break on the part of either mom or baby.  Really, this is said without hesitation, I’ve seen it happen to wonderful friends and family!  But the Lord didn't send those little ones to me...and I wouldn't trade my own angels for anything....especially not sleep.

Not surprisingly, I have had a few who did need to cry a bit before sleep.  Oh, not when they were little but in their toddler years, some of them have needed to reach that crying point just before being able to wind down.  They were easy to spot.  They would be happy, laughing, running around and then in an instant they would start crying.  Wow!  Such a quick change!  And sometimes that crying needed to go on for a few minutes to release the left over energy of the day.  For each child I learned how many minutes that was before I could tenderly gather them up and help them find peace before sinking into slumber.

I now have eight children who no longer nurse and one who almost forgets those few seconds per day.  I now sleep...when my teens are safely home and in bed.  I still wake but now it is for my own quiet time.  Sometimes my children cry it out, temper tantrums are not cause for much comfort around here.  Sometimes they cry because of tender and spiritual awakenings.  Sometimes my children cry for the traditional reasons of frustration and grief.  Sometimes the tears are for unknown, irrational and indescribable reasons.  Each time I am there to hold them and to softly make sense of experience.

It is not surprising that my children have naturally learned the language of the cry.  I have seen them embrace the attitude of their childhood home in responding to others as they gather up their younger siblings, as they weep with friends, as they serve others from the depths of their hearts.

Learn your baby’s language and discover how to respond.  Sometimes it is to gather her up and other times it may not be.  Eventually you’ll know what each cry means.  Babies really do grow up and someday you’ll realize that your sleep seems more complete.  I am rarely awakened by Chani now, except when she telephones while I’m napping in my bath!

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