Having almost five times the number of children found in the neighboring homes means that we are extremely noticeable.  Everything we do will appear good or evil simply because of the overwhelming size of our family.  And if one child in one family can cause neighborhood mischief, just imagine what nine can do!  Boy, have we had our share of Neighbor Naughties and...gasp...almost every single time the poor neighbor was...shudder...right!

This article addresses small but persistent irritations that can come up in living among others.  It does not address true horrors such as illegal and dangerous activity.

Before I tell you the awful things my children have done to terrorize the sweet couples living in our circle of influence, let me tell you what makes things better.  Usually.  Hopefully.

What happens when your neighbor is less than happy with you or your family?  Some people when they feel threatened, intruded upon or embarrassed get defensively aggressive.  Hard feelings between neighbors can make life uncomfortable for all concerned.

When you find a situation building and then exploding with that couple across the street, it may sound old fashioned, nevertheless, you will feel better if you bake something irresistible, knock on their door and smile.  Or better yet, send a few children over with the goodies...whatever the problem they were probably part of the cause anyway.  Include a note asking for understanding, explaining the whys and wherefores of the children's actions, or just your feelings about whatever the problem might be.  In as positive a way as possible write whatever is truthful.

Perhaps the neighbor will not respond as you desire.  You cannot control your neighbor or her reactions.  Whatever her reaction, your children will know what you have done in trying to bring peace and unity between neighbors.  How you react now should be geared more on what you want to teach your children.

You don't want to teach them that they should allow others to walk all over them.  You don't want them to acquire the attitude that fault is usually totally somebody else's.  There are hundreds of other concepts that you want your children to understand accurately.  Decide what you want your children to learn about living among others and act to reinforce that goal.  That is what it really is all about, the lessons our children learn from our responses.

We had a neighbor once come over and ask me to keep my children quiet in the backyard.  Our children had a 7:00 p.m. bedtime which meant that it was very early in the evening when they were running around outside.  They wouldn't play outside during the day because it was summer and miserably hot.  By the time the San Diego day would cool, they were ready to run, and running meant noise.

Our neighbor said that after coming home from work he wanted to sit in his backyard and have peace but my children were always making noise right then.  If my children were just conversing, it wouldn't bother him.  However, my children, specifically five-year-old Ben, just made loud noises.  Not words.  Not music.  NOISE!

Now, let me explain that the little ones were not fighting, bickering, screaming.  Well, maybe screaming.  They just made this constant noise.  There were only five of them with the oldest being seven and the youngest six months and but that seems like a million to a man who has only one small baby.

I was so upset at first.  What did he think my children were to do?  It wasn't even dark yet, let alone late!  They weren't fighting, it wasn't negative or angry sounds!  It was their own backyard, after all!  My thoughts went on like that several minutes.

Luckily, I didn't say anything.  Living with Neil, a nonconfrontational peacemaker, has helped temper my temper.  Instead of publicly bristling, I made a treat and took it over to the wife.  I really wasn't up to seeing the husband at that point.  She was so surprised to see me at her door with the treats.  I told her that I was sorry that my children were noisy but they needed to make some noise when they played.  I wouldn't let them run around like they wanted inside, especially with a new baby, so their energy needed releasing outdoors.

She still looked puzzled and asked for more detail.  I told her what her husband had said and that I was sorry to have stressed him.  She broke out into a laugh, the last thing I expected and said, "He's so weird sometimes, you know he grew up in a large family.  I don't know what gets into him sometimes.  Don't let it bother you."  That was the only uncomfortable event between us.  The couple turned out to be quiet, pleasant and very kind throughout the years of sharing space with us.

When we moved to the next house a similar thing happened with our neighbor across the street.  We weren't in the home more than a few weeks before they complained about the noise of remodeling.  Well, it worked before so we sent a cake over with an explanation that it would only be two more weeks before the bathroom was finished.  For several years following that confrontation I would get calls from these neighbors because their organization will suddenly have surplus bread.  They provided bread for local shelters and when their donations exceeded their needs they brought the surplus over and suddenly we would have an entire freezer full of bread and pastries!

The worse Neighborhood Naughty was The Diaper Toss!  We were in a two-story house.  I looked out of the upstairs bathroom to see folded dirty diapers in our neighbor's yard.  I intuitively knew Ben was the responsible child.  A vision of the events unfolded before my very eyes!  Ben would open the door, stand in front of the diaper bucket and then throw the diaper across the fence.  Why would he do this?  This is one of the Boy Mysteries that is beyond a mother's comprehension.

Neil took Ben next door with a treat.  He was supposed to apologize and ask what he could do for them.  The dog had torn a few of the diapers to paper shreds, not a pleasant clean up experience for our neighbors.  I had also noticed a diaper on their patio roof under their bathroom window.  This was not a cool situation!

Ben is extremely shy and didn't want to say anything.  After the longest pause, the husband looked down at him and said, "Is this treat for us?"  Ben nodded.  The man then asked, "Do you have something to say?"  Ben nodded but couldn't talk.  Patiently waiting, the gentleman finally spoke once more.  "Will you do it again?"  Ben shook his head.  He then made a quick retreat to the safety of our home.

Now, isn't that a nice ending?  Life goes on and the neighborhood is safe from explosions once again.  But a couple of months later there was a knock on our door.  Mr. Neighbor again.  He held up a folded dirty diaper.  "Is this yours?"  At least the ice had been broken.

I said, "Yes, and I'm so sorry!"  I closed the door, almost slamming it in my embarrassment.  Ben was about ten, certainly old enough to know and also old enough for me to worry about future social behavior.  This time I took my precious son and I actually spanked him!  He got three swats on the rear which is the most I ever do and then only in the gravest of situations.  Then I stopped and we looked at each other for a long silent moment.  I then swatted him three more times.  Nothing serious, not even noise makers just exclamation point swats.  Dare I say that in public?  It was EXACTLY the right thing to do at this moment mainly because it was so out of character for me.

Those extra three swats did the trick.  Whatever Ben was thinking, that finally broke through to his reality.  Shock of all shocks!  Not only does mother almost never spank but never, ever has there been more then three swats.  Really concerned Ben asked, "Why did you do it again?"

With total calm and a pure sound of logic I responded, "Because you did it twice.  What do you think will happen if you do it again?"

In total awe he quietly said, "You'll do it three times."  After that the neighbors never found another diaper in their yard.  Instead I found them in the garage rolled under things as if my son was pretending to bowl rather than slam dunk them into the trash right in front of him!  At least the neighbors aree happy!

When we moved to Utah our neighbor's youngest child was the age of our oldest.  That meant that they had survived and grown past the frustrations of young childhood.  I once opened the door to find the mother rather irritated with my sons and demanding to know if my boys understood about private property.  They had been climbing on the fence that divided our yards and it was their fence and they did not want it knocked down!  I barely stammered out my apology when she was gone.

I looked out my back window to see that the boys' friends were at the house behind our neighbors, touching our yard only at the corner.  Children in both of the yards were climbing the fence to talk to each other.  I gathered in my three sons and discussed, again, the issues of being considerate of other people's property.  Then I took them over to apologize.  She was gone by then.

They then had to repeat the process with their dad until they caught the family at home.  Some other irritants came up and were dealt with on the spot.  With a dire warning from their dad, in front of the neighbor, of all the work they would do for the other family if the behavior didn't change.

Before long our home because the center spot for hundreds of children.  The neighbor on the other side of us was a single gentleman who kept the most perfect yard imaginable.  Imagine our shock when we found our concord grape picking children and their friends turning the task into a fruit war...and of course the bullets blasted parts of his house!

By then our children had learned the fine art of Apology and Make Right.  They cleaned the mess.  They cleaned extra for him.  And they learned again that we live in a world of people who usually respond well to humble repentance.

I always felt that gentleman had a poor deal living next door to us.  You could look at our home and tell that children lived there.  You saw constant evidence that all the local children spent time there.  But he endured and often commented on how good ours were.

Good?  Yes.  They really are good.  They are helpful, happy, friendly, and curious about everything.  And they know how to apologize and correct their course.  I guess it wasn't as awful as it could have been.  And as their parents, we were always approachable concerning the chaos our angels sometimes created.

I still have little children overflowing my home.  My youngest is just turning three.  I have older children as well.  My oldest will be 21 this year.  And the three younger girls are never as much trouble with a neighborhood as the older six were.  Perhaps that is because there are no close neighbors, only prairie dogs and friends you have to see through binoculars to identify.  I hope my little girls still learn that getting along with neighbors is far more enjoyable than contention.  I hope they also learn how to Make It Right when they are part of a problem.  I think today I'll teach them how to bake cookies.  There must be somebody around who could use a dozen.

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