If something isn't clear, please ask me questions.  This is quite a project for me.  I've been teaching communication for over fifteen years but only on a couple by couple basis.  It is different in a class setting and the challenge has been interesting to say the least! 

Optional and Sequential Thought Patterns
by Cherie Logan

Two of the many ways the brain categorizes material and retrieves information are called optional and sequential patterns.  People can develop competence in both patterns but usually we are most comfortable with one or the other.  Eventually, we may become balanced between all patterns and styles of communication.  Until that point, it helps to be able to identify the ways we and our family members process the world around us.  This article will help us understand how to prepare lessons or talks, shop, study, perform tasks and converse with others.

A person who is optional and a person who is sequential can get along beautifully if the differences are made a point of relief and modeling rather than contention.  Humor and tolerance goes a long way in smoothing over the differences in thinking.  It also isn't totally cut and dried left/right brain.  It is a method of storing and retrieving information.  Discussion of right brain/left brain is usually referring to the creative and logical portions of the mind.  A person can be optionally creative or sequentially creative.  Likewise a person can be creatively logical even though most logical people are sequential.

What are the weaknesses?  The strengths? 

The optional person does very well with a list containing only the unusual items to shop for and rarely forgets to bring home the unwritten things that are purchased weekly. 

An optional person is good at discovering what works when what doesn't work keeps failing.  The "If you fail, try, try again," doesn't do so well with them.  Instead the "If it doesn't work, try something else," is much more effective. 

She tends to make decisions quickly and with experience often finds that the fast decisions are the best ones.  If she is given too much time she will discover 100 variables on any possible decision and might get stuck not knowing which to choose. 

When an optional person is faced with cleaning clutter, she can become overwhelmed and stand still, not able to begin any task.  She can work around clutter because her mind can ignore it until the clutter is larger than her ability to find another place to work. 

If she is faced with having to fix dinner she can nearly always come up with something even without a recipe.  She dislikes menus because she doesn't know today what she will want to eat tomorrow.  On the other hand, a menu list that allows her to decide day by day what to prepare works very well provided she has shopped for several meals at once.

You can give her broad categories and she can fill in the blanks with little effort.  The optional person learns optional material easily but sometimes prefers to ignore things that take strict sequential processing, such as mathematics.  She can listen to the radio, the tv, the phone call and type at the computer all at once.  She can stand in a group of people and have three or four conversations going at the same time and follow everything being said. 

The optional thinker can get distracted easily.  She also tends to roll with any change of plans with only the mildest frustration over adapting. 

An optional person may have trouble understanding why others aren't optional.  Seeing variety is such a way of thinking with her that understanding why others might not appreciate the seemingly chaotic thought process is beyond her.

A Sequential person does better with an established dinner schedule.  She thrives with workable routines. 

She can walk into a mess and if she has an order of how to do things, or if she quickly develops one, she will do very well without overload.  However, if something interferes with her order of doing things she can get quite frustrated and unable to move on to the next step. 

She is more exact and complete than an optional person.  She likes complete lists and when shopping does not want to ad-lib more than one or two favorite items. 

She does very well with set curriculums because there is order to the program.  Surprisingly, optionals also do well with set curriculums because it eliminates too many options, but they sometimes feel stressed over following them. 

A sequential person is more traditionally polite in conversation because she talks and then listens and then talks and likes one conversation happening at a time.  She dislikes things left unsaid where an optional person will simply fill in what is unsaid.  Optionals do well when things are unspoken because they don't have to worry about what isn't mentioned but a sequential feels unsatisfied with the conversation if things are not clearly spelled out.

She is good at keeping things orderly and putting them in order but less good at starting fresh with a blank slate.  She is better at remembering what things cost and what she bought and when.  She tends to do better in math but is less skilled in creative writing. 

A sequential person can be quite frustrated with an optional person, especially in conversation.  She gets overwhelmed with the jumping around that optional people do and will tune them out real quick.  At the same time optional people are oblivious to the fact that their method of conversing would be irritating to other people.  A sequential person needs to guard against viewing an optional person as less intelligent, more flaky and more rude than sequential people. 

Scripture Study with our family brings fascinating conversation.  This leads to frustration for Neil because he is sequential.  For him, scripture study is clearly linear, sequential, beginning with a sentence and proceeding onward point by point.  However, in our family, it more often begins with a sentence and jumps to a thought then to an experience then to a seemingly unrelated topic all together.  Optionally, this is a feast of emotional and mental links.  Sequentially, it can cause shutdown and irritation when one topic isn't focused on until completion.  However, in a large family, study is usually quite optional with distractions thrown in every few seconds.  The distractions are taken in stride by the optional thinker as they deal with the problem and then continue on with the study.  The sequential thinker is thrown for a loop with the interruption to the flow of thought or action and if not careful will simply give up the study altogether.

Sequential scripture study is perfect for following a topic through the scriptures and topical guide.  You can go from one point to another and keep focused on what you are studying.  This can be difficult for the optional because he will come across other things in the verses that he also wants to study.  The sequential individual can leave those things for another day while the optional person has a nagging feeling that if he doesn't change course right now he'll lose that particular train of thought.

In home schooling, a mother will want to use a teaching structure that works well with her type of processing.  Even so, she will probably need to have a mixture of both types because there is a good chance that a few of her children will be prefer the opposite method.  I recommend that a blend of structure and non structure is used.  For me a loose plan works well.  I have structure in my children's private lessons.  This is when they are studying their math, language, reading and other specific skills.  They have set things to do and a set time.  I use less structure when we have our group lessons.  This is where we have scripture study, history, science, Mommy Reading Time and any other thing I want to taught to the group.  Because I am optional, I do well with less structure at this time.  I feel comfortable teaching as directed by the Spirit and can change course as interest flares and diminishes.  We have an unschooling structure when it comes to their personal interests and studies.

To be most successful at study, the optional thinker needs to learn how to take notes that work for him.  If he attempts to write out every detail he will become bored and end by putting the pen down.  He needs to learn how to do outlines and to write memory joggers.  He needs to learn to write thoughts as they come into his head so he can return to them at a better moment.  He needs to develop a workable schedule or a list to follow while studying.  It needs to be broad enough to not stress him into abandoning the plan.  He needs to develop discipline in staying focused on one thing.

The sequential thinker needs to practice skimming material rather than reading word for word.  He needs practice in seeing what is not obvious and hearing what is not said.  He needs to train himself to think a little more optionally.  He can choose a different route to travel, a different type of book to read, a different ingredient to add to a sandwich.  Try anything to help develop variety. 

The sequential children get along better than an optionals in public schools because they tend to be quieter and more focused in a highly structured environment.  They need help relaxing when faced with the emergencies and demands of life.  For both sequential and optional thinkers, practice and planning help prepare them.  It helps the optional people by training them in the sequence of what to do and it helps the sequential people to see all the possibilities that they might have to deal with.

An optional person could walk into a very messy kitchen and feel overload to the extreme. There are simply too many things that need doing.  I remember being barely pregnant with my first, walking into my kitchen one night and feeling like I was hit by an invisible swirl of confusion.  I looked around and everything seemed disastrous.  Pregnancy nausea and exhaustion didn't help.  I simply sat down and cried.  I had no idea even where to begin!  Neil came in and quietly started the work and in a matter of moments the kitchen was clean.  I learned that as comfortable as I am with an optional approach to life, there are times when routines take all the stress out of life.  Start at the table, clear it, move to the counter, or work your way to the stove.  Whatever the pattern is, it will save the day. 

I am optional and my husband is sequential.  When this difference in thinking is worked out, it creates a great strength in the family.  If the difference isn't graciously managed, it can be a tremendous stress.  Many frustrations can develop over this one difference in personalities. 

I can create a to-do list of twenty things right off the top of my head, not caring what thing is done when.  Neil wants everything written down in order of importance.  He had trouble recognizing that my mentioning something didn't mean that it had to be done right now.  It was just optional listing. 

When a sequential thinker makes a list he is driven to accomplish it.  The optional thinker just uses a list to organize thoughts with little drive to push the finishing.  For the sequential individual, the list must be completed for them to feel successful. 

The optional thinker needs to learn to collect his thoughts before speaking.  He will often jump right in and say what he is thinking without putting the material into an orderly sequence.  Sometimes he will see a blank look on those listening, especially if they are sequential. 

The optional needs to work on listening and waiting until the speaker is finished.  He tends to jump right over the sequence of delivery and understand just what the speaker is relating.  Then before the speaker is finished, the optional listener is already jumping to the next topic.  Slowing down and being socially attentive is difficult.  It is important to realize that the optional person doesn't consider himself rude.  He has truly listened and almost always fully understands what the speaker is saying, he just lacks the needs for formal finishing before beginning a new thought.  He also does not consider the same behavior rude in other people.  He actually enjoys being in a group of optional conversationalists and feels it is energizing.

While the optional person does well in large groups where active conversation is happening all over, the sequential person usually likes things more organized.  The sequential often feels overwhelmed by all the input.  The sequential person needs to develop the social tolerance of the optional person.  He can create a logical framework of acceptable informal behavior that includes interacting with several people at once.  The sequential thinker can help bridge the gap between patterns by patiently bringing the optional thinker back on track.  An optional individual is rarely offended by others asking him to clarify, repeat or finish a thought.  He is used to jumping around in his own thoughts so coming back to point is very acceptable to him. 

A sequential person feels that if a process is followed correctly than expected results will automatically occur, eventually.  An optional person feels that if something doesn't work than you try something different.  Both attitudes are valid in different situations.  Where practice makes perfect, the optional thinker can become frustrated and wonder what is the point of the repetition.  Where creative solutions need to be found, the sequential thinker can be overwhelmed.  Because problem solving is self satisfying, it is also the easiest way to help each of them become more like the other.

In a family, developing a sense of humor when confronted with these two different processes really helps.  The sequential family members work on becoming more tolerant and the optional members work on being more considerate.  The sequential members work on flexibility and the optional members work on organizational skills.  Each person's strengths can help the others in their weakness.  Humor and love can create a powerful companionship between the two types of thinkers. 

A person can be optional in some areas and sequential in others.  It isn't cut and dried.  A balanced person is both.  An almost balanced person is one who may not be both, yet, but is beginning to understand the other type. 

As we learn to communicate with each other, we need to take into account these methods of processing information.  We need to recognize that both methods are acceptable.  We can develop tools to help us strengthen the pattern we are less skilled in.  We can magnify the pattern we are most comfortable using.  Between these two techniques we can accomplish whatever task presents itself with the minimum amount of frustration. 

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