One lesson that we have learned is that the purpose of this life is not to never die.  That seems a strange statement.  However, we have found that many people in the health professions look at one another and claim victory or defeat depending upon who using what treatment has succumbed to death.  It is a mind set of artificially reconstructing the tree of life.

The Lord expects us to do all that we can to preserve health and life.  When there is a conflict between mortal life and eternal life then we would do well to choose eternal life.  Could a person today be faced with such a decision?  Usually such conflicts are not the real life-threatening ones but the ones that will build the individual spirit or harm it.

There have been times in our family when specific diets needed to be followed.  Our decision to follow those diets as a family rather than to single out the one in need was such a decision.  We felt that in the eternal nature of things, our unity as a family and the ill child's feelings of being fully part of us, were more important than the sacrifice we all needed to make in our habits.

On the same note, when we ate out or went to a church function, we ignored the dietary needs completely.  We felt it was much more important for the spirit inside to participate without the sacrifices needed for better health.  These choices would not be the same for other families but they worked for us.

Miracles happen in every family.  If we look for them and acknowledge the source in gratitude then the door of miracles is opened even wider.  When in doubt whether there was divine assistance or simply chance, err on the side of the divine and give thanks.  When the worst things happen, see what inspiration and comfort are present and focus upon that miracle.  It is our attitude that has the lasting effect upon our spirits when the panic of the moment is finished.  By looking for the Spirit and the miracles we could feel that we are not alone in the struggles of this life.

Our definition of sacrifice is to give up something for something better.  Today there is much talk about self-sacrifice.  The term martyr is used as a very negative label.  Self sacrifice and martyrdom have sacred positions in the plan of all life.  The key is to be able to determine whether the sacrifice is one that Christ would approve of or not.  It is important to know that whatever is being given up is being done to obtain something better.

There are many sacrifices made to give birth to children.  We make more sacrifices to raise them.  These sacrifices are more than worth it because of the eternal nature of our children's lives.  On the other hand, when school time is over, I do not sacrifice my private time to entertain my children.  It is far more important that I can pursue my genealogy or other interests than that I devote every minute to the whims of countless children.  In the process they learn to be creative and independent in their play.

Ben's story begins with: Benjamin, Our Small Son
Another remarkable story about my son's courage: Big Boy Circumcision

Ben has been the finest example of daily courage in our family.  He has always been very shy.  In Family Time he would stand to lead the music with his arm thrown over his eyes.  If he couldn't see us then he could do the job.

As Ben grew, the shyness continued to stay with him.  However, he became stronger in his resistance of its dampening effects.  He gave talks in church, he passed the sacrament, he attended his meetings.

 Neil taught him a saying to live by.  "Feel the fear and do it anyway."  Ben once said that when he became a missionary he would be able to teach people because of all the talks he had given.  Even through the tremendous shyness he would always accept the assignment to speak as he felt it would better prepare him for later.

When Ben was about to receive the priesthood and the bishop called his name in Sacrament meeting, Ben stood up.  Ben was standing behind a man seated ahead of us.  The bishop couldn't see Ben and called his name two more times.  I finally pushed Ben out into the isle so that our bishop could see him.  The bishop then saved the moment by saying,  "There he is, he was standing behind a very tall man."   I was so pleased with Ben in that moment.  I knew how hard it was for him to just stand, let alone to be part of a ward experience in humor and love.  He took it shyly in the spirit it was given.  He was incredibly brave and wise for a twelve-year-old.

All of my children have shown great courage at one time or another.  Nathan once needed stitches.  He listened to his father and endured the pain of the event without even a whimper, not because we had discouraged crying but simply because he trusted his dad.

When Cheyanne was a baby, she also had to endure some painful medical procedures.  If I was by her little head whispering my love to her, she peacefully allowed the process.

Chamrie found herself standing between a large group of friends and two girls she had just met.  The leaders in the group were mean to the newcomers because of matters of religion.  Chamrie took a clear and verbal stand against such nonsense.  She can do so without losing friendships.  This gave comfort and abiding love to the new girls.

Chani found herself caring for her siblings in a traumatic time when her parents were not around.  She was able to keep her courage up and think clearly about how to best meet the needs of the large family.

Chiya has called upon courage during illnesses where she could barely breathe.

Every day there are events in a life where we make choices that will strengthen our spirits or will weaken them.  I have seen my children consistently chose to hearken to the Spirit and to trust their parents and the Lord.

One lesson we have all learned is to look upon the spirit of a person rather than the outward appearance.  Ben was always very small in stature as a child.  As a year-old baby he weighed only eleven-and-a-half pounds.  When he was twelve, he weighed only fifty-one pounds.  His height was the equivalent of his sister who was three and a half years younger.

Once Ben asked me if small people could marry normal size people.  I assured him that was perfectly acceptable.  He was very happy with the answer.  He has always been at peace with his size in social and private settings.  I would worry at times but then I would remember how much I loved and respected President Spencer W. Kimball.  He was also small of stature.

Ben's size might be hereditary from the Logan's side.  It is expected that he will continue to grow  untill about age twenty five or so.  Even now, his height  is increasing rapidly and we are awed to see this miracle.

Once Chamrie was asked to give a talk in Sacrament meeting.  She could choose her own scripture.  I did not know what she would read.  I sat in the meeting with tears of joy running down my cheeks, hearing her words and knowing that it expressed how all my children felt.  Here is the scripture she read and it hit my heart as pertaining exactly to our family.

We learned another great truth from our experience with Ben's birth.  After he was born a woman in our church told people in a leadership meeting that I had known that Ben was premature and that I was simply tired of being pregnant.  That I had taken herbs to get the baby out!  She then said that Neil, himself, told her these things!  This lent great credibility to the comments.

Our bishop called us and carefully approached the subject.  My son was in the hospital from prematurity.  While he wasn't as sick as Marshall was and while the Spirit kept whispering that he would live it was still a very frightening time.  When the bishop told Neil what was reported to him, Neil informed him that it was not true in the least.  I had taken no herbs.  I had not induced labor in any way.  I loved being pregnant and I had done everything possible to have a full term son.

The bishop then became angry at the rumor and wanted to announce the truth of it in Sacrament Meeting.  Neil asked him to not do that as he felt that is would just feed the fire.  This decision was very hard for me.  It took a year before I was comfortable in Relief Society meetings or ward functions wondering who had heard and believed such a horror as my doing what amounted to a selfish attempt to end my pregnancy and maybe my son's life as a result.

The determination that ran through me during this time was a firm commitment to not allow anybody else to determine where I would spend eternity.  I had to deal with overcoming grief when Marshall died or lose all I was grieving.  This time I had to overcome offense or lose everything I worked and hoped for in the eternities.  Nothing is worth that.  In the end nobody remembers those days but Neil and me.  If I had lost my faith or commitment over those rumors, which spread throughout the entire area, only I and my family would have really suffered.