When we were married in the temple, our sealer told us to start holding our Family Home Evenings right away.  We did.  We started by choosing the topic "The Last Days" and reading together from the scriptures, Gerald Lund's book The Second Coming of the Lord and Duane Crowther's book Prophecy - Key to the Future.  We could not have picked a more interesting topic for us.

We had been married a week when we heard the announcement that all worthy men in the church could hold the priesthood.  It was a thrilling event.  We felt almost as if the Lord had waited just for us before unfolding some of these very last-day blessings.

The method of both of us studying out of different books and sharing with each other what we were reading, carried over in the coming years.  Often when a new insight or interest would come upon us we seemed to learn at a very rapid rate as we read and shared with each other in almost the same breath.  Sometimes one of us will be learning something and the habit of sharing caused us to automatically include the other in our findings.  This pattern developed in our early Family Home Evenings has drawn us very close and allowed us to keep pace with one another through our various growth spurts.

Also from the beginning we realized that if we held our Family Home Evening on Monday nights it might never happen.  Monday was filled with late night work, school or patients for nearly seventeen years.  We began to hold Family Home Evening on Sunday night and followed that pattern every week.  By the time we could actually hold Family Time on the same night as the rest of the church the habit was so ingrained that we just continued with our tradition.

After Chani was born, we knew that some day she would be a part of the evening.  We didn't know when to actually have a lesson or structure that involved her.  It was a mystery to both of us, especially to me because I had no experience with anything like Family Home Evening as a child.

In the July or August Ensign of 1981 there was an article about how to have Family Home Evening with 1, 2 and 3 year old children.  This was a life-affecting article for me.  Not only did it start us on our journey of Family Time with our daughter, but it also laid out the method that we have used in our schooling ever since.  Chani was 11 months old at the time I read the article and we began to implement it right away.

The method is to have the lessons by concept, one concept a month that we repeat with additional information added each week.  Kept very short at first it gradually lengthens itself out all on its own.  We had opening song, prayer, concept lesson, song and prayer and treat.

The concept of teaching the same lesson for a month comes from Moroni's appearing to Joseph Smith several times in one evening.  Each time he repeated the message and added a bit more.  We found that by the time the month was over our daughter could repeat the concept.

We first started with a lesson on eyes.  Our little girl was having trouble with wanting to poke our eyes.  I cut out pictures of different faces.  We would say these are hungry eyes, sad eyes, happy eyes and so forth.  By the end of the month she could say eyes.  She also knew how to point and be gentle.

Our next lesson was on Jesus.  I had various pictures of Jesus around the house and we would point to them and say Jesus.  By the end of the month we took her to see a doctor friend.  He stood before us in a full dark beard.  "Jesus!" said Chani, pointing to the doctor.  The poor man nearly fell over himself disclaiming such an identity.

This is a most stress-free way to have Family Time with young children.  You only have to plan twelve concepts a year.  Even today we repeat certain of the concepts each year and my older children can teach them to all of us.

At Christmas time we have these Family Evening events: We go see lights.  We go caroling or dropping off cookies and running.  We have a Nativity acted out.  We teach about the meaning of the symbols and we read The Other Wiseman, sometimes watching it on television.

In January we celebrate Marshall's birthday.  We have Family Home Evening centered around the Plan of Salvation.  I covered it in the chapter on Marshall.  Our children can repeat the lessons and we add new insights to the older children as life continues.

We have a month where we talk of the Atonement and the Resurrection.  We have a month where we talk about safety.  We even climb out windows and set off fire alarms and talk about emergencies.  In various years we have had months covering missions where the children pretend to be missionaries and knock on our door and teach a lesson, and where we have shown slides of Neil's mission.  We have had months centering on baptism, marriage, births of our babies and their care.

As our family has grown, our fifteen minute Family Time has also grown.  Today the time could be anywhere from a quick one hour to a relaxed three hours.  Because our Family Time is Sunday, it is always a lesson type of evening.  We do family activities on other days and evenings of the week.  On one session of a General Conference both Neil and I got the same impression that even though we have weekly FamilyTime on Sundays, our family would also benefit from consistant activities on Monday Night.  So on Mondays we have a second session of weekly Family Time where we play games, watch movies or go on outings.

Some years ago we realized that our older children wanted more of a part in Family Time so we developed an interesting format.  Our toddler would do the opening song and prayer each week.  This way if that little one fell asleep or lost interest then the routine did not break down.  All other family members besides that toddler and the current baby would rotate through the events listed.

We had somebody who did the Scripture and Rule Recap.  Here he would quote or read a scripture that we would then all repeat.  The Rule Recap was a repetition of a particular rule that the person chose.  Most common were rules such as, "Obey your parents in the Lord for this is right."  "Never, ever pick your nose and eat it."  "Always flush the toilet."  And so forth.  Sometimes it seems as if they try to find the grossest and funniest 'rule' to share with the family.

Next would come a fun song.  This allowed us to sing songs that are not Primary or church related.  Sometimes the songs are quite silly and at times just plain gross.  What would October be without, "The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out..."  We have also taught old childhood favorites like, "I walked around the corner and I walked around the block and I walked right into a bakery shop..."  One of Neil's favorites is a song about a cow named Gladys and it has a chorus of, "Oh, pass the udder udder over to my udder brodder..."   This is a favorite part of the evening.

After Fun Song we would have Spotlight.  This is the event that enables that person to show off a talent or skill or interest.  The boys most like to do acrobatic skills.  The girls like to share their collections or a musical piece.  Once we used this time to show an NLP technique.  Another time I tried to teach my children to whistle the long and loud whistle that brings them running throughout the day.

Then we have Heartlight.  This usually brings the tone to a quieter level.  Here we cuddle one person and told how much we love him.  We all tell what we admire about that him.  Everybody takes a turn expressing and memories about him.  This is also a difficult event because there is only one person talking and one receiving the attention, which gives the others the task of being still and listening.

Following the Spotlight and the Heartlight we give a one, two, three - YEAH Chani!  One, two, three - YEAH Ben!  This is for whoever our two lights were for the week.

After the one, two, three's, comes Memory Maker.  This is a favorite event of the evening, especially when it is Neil who is the Memory Maker.  Here the person recounts to the group something they know from memory.  It could be something as simple as reciting the alphabet but is more likely to be some family or personal memory.  Often this gets us talking about that time in our lives.

After Memory Maker, we do Role Play.  We decided to add this when some of our children had trouble doing certain things such as making phone calls or giving talks or entering into conversation while being a home teacher.  Sometimes we focus on one task, such as saying the Sacrament Prayer and on one person being the main role player until it is easy.  Other times, the Role Play person picks a situation and we act it out.  Either way, the Role Play person has is the boss, even if the focus is on
another family member practicing a skill.

Then all gets reverent.  We remind the children that it is time for reverence and why.  The next event is Testimony.  Here the person stands and shares a testimony.  The Spirit it brings to our family has been precious.

Then comes an Practice Lesson. This is one that the children give.  Neil and I also rotate through and give the lesson when it is our turn.  For the past few years we have used the excellent books by Allan K. Burgess and Max H. Molgard called Fun for Family Night.  These books are all self contained so they are easy for our children to use without adult help.

After the Practice Lesson comes the Conceptual Lesson, which a parent always gives.  This is where we can repeat the lessons of earlier years or emphasize a particular concept or give a quick right-to-the-point presentation.  I have the most fun giving these Conceptual Lessons.  We tried just having one lesson and rotating through but we found that our children would opt for a game and skip the gospel principle.  By keeping this part in the control of the parents we are sure some message is taught each week.

Finally we have a person who chooses and leads the closing song and then says a prayer.

Family time always has a treat of some sort.  The only requirement for getting a  treat is participation in the Family Time.  Speaking of which, I sometimes wonder if my children are ever asked if they have Family Home Evening, would they answer no as we have always called it Family Time!

My children all agree the most fun during family time is when we all get crazy with laughter.  This is especially hard for one parent or the other because one of us is always trying to get everybody back on track.  Of course, this just adds to the craziness.

It is sad when Family Time has to be rushed because of other responsibilities cutting into our time.  However, it is far better to have Family Time and keep the habit and tradition alive than to give up because of time pressures.  Yes, we have been known to hold our Family Time during a different day of the week in emergencies.  We have been known to have it in an unusual way such as in the car on the way to an event.  We have even skipped a week here or there.  However, since our well-established norm is to have this time together, we are painfully aware when it is neglected for a week.  No matter how difficult scheduling may be, it is a vital part of who we are and we love the time together.

Last week for Family Home Evening, our family did an activity where we were given names different from our own names.  After that we were  taken to a room so dark I could almost feel  a mist around me.  My mother was the only one that was not in there.  She was an angel that would pick one of our names and come and ask that person if he would like to come into the light.  If they said yes, they would go with her into the light.  If they said no, they would have to wait.

The people in the dark room did not know the truth.  There was no peace in that room.  It was hard to feel the Spirit.  Finally, when all of the names in the box were called and everybody but me were in the light, my sister said, "Where is Chamrie?"

My mother said, "Sorry, that's all the names here."

Everyone went looking around for my name.  Then it was found and I was brought into the light.  When I stepped out of the dark room and into the light I felt calm and peaceful.  I  had never felt so peaceful in my life.  I would like to bear my testimony that I know this church is true and I know I am a child of  God.  I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ.       AMEN.

There were several lessons to be learned by that one Family Home Evening activity.  One of them was the importance of seeking out the names of those that wait in the dark.  We have repeated this activity and have emphasized different parts of the principles of those who await the truth and the resurrection.

Another lesson we enjoy is to take several items and have each person choose one and give a short talk about how that thing testifies of Jesus Christ.  We teach the children that all things testify of Him, even the bad things because of the comparison between wickedness and His pure goodness.  We have had a penny tell of tithing, a paper tell of the scriptures, a candy bar tell of the sweetness of eternal life and spoon tell of feasting upon the words of the prophets.

I have given several lessons that take three containers, one with sugar, one with salt and one with sugar and salt.  Here we can teach about deception and how something that looks one way may be very different.  We could use the same activity to teach about how truth (sugar) and lies (salt) can be mixed together.  We have also used it to teach about not taking things by appearance as the pleasant appearing may not be the wisest choice.  The lesson can be adapted depending upon the reaction of the group and the Spirit.

Another fun conceptual lesson requires an empty glass, a bowl, a spoon and several loose cotton balls and a blindfold.  We have the blindfolded child try with only using a spoon to get the cotton balls from the bowl into the glass.  The cotton balls are so light that it is hard to tell when they are on the spoon.  They are so silent that it is hard to tell when they fall inside the glass instead of the table.  After a while we have somebody come and hold their forearm, not their hand, and guide them in getting the balls into the glass.  We see many different lessons in this.  Some allow themselves to be easily guided.  Others resist. Some do better on their own.  We can teach whichever lesson seems to have been best exhibited, from learning through doing to being guided by the Holy Ghost to resisting the Holy Ghost to being led astray by others' influence.  Having the same activity that can teach several lessons based upon the family experience helps "save the day."

We have watched television without sound and listened to television without picture to notice what those who are blind or deaf might experience.  We have gone outside and tried to make note of all the sounds we hear.

We teach about light coming from Heavenly Father through Jesus Christ.  We have one person, usually Neil, be Heavenly Father.  He stretches his arms out in front of him with his fingertips touching to form a 'V'.  Then at the point of the V stands a child representing Jesus Christ.  This shows Heavenly Father concentrating all of his light on Christ.  Then Christ will open his arms wide and send the light out to the universe.  It will hit each of us and fill us as we hearken to him.  Then as it builds we can point our arms the same way Heavenly Father does and concentrate sending that light out as we magnify our callings, gifts, talents and testimonies.

The children all liked the lessons where we climbed down the emergency ladder from my bedroom window.  This was a very important lesson.  I learned that the cheap escape ladder was not of any practical use.  The rungs were round and hard to step onto.  The ladder rested flat against the wall.  There is a more expensive ladder that had actual flattened steps and was held away from the wall so it is easier to climb down.  Another thing I learned is that I would be stuck with no way to climb down with a baby in arms.  We stored with the ladder a back pack to put a toddler into and a sling to pop a baby into.

We did one lesson where I cut a cake into several small pieces.  I arranged ahead of time for each child to know his part but they didn't know each other's parts.  I had four children who would not get a slice of cake.  I had three children who would get two slices.  All the rest in the room would get one slice.  Then each played out their part.  One of those who had no cake said, "I give not because I have not but if I had I would give."  Then as I acted the part of the Lord's servant.  I gave an extra slice to the one who would give if they could, and to the one to whom they would have given.  Then one said, "I will not give."  I then took his slice and gave it to another who had none.  Then the third who had extra grumbled and complained but gave the extra slice to the remaining one with an empty plate.  Then, acting as the Lord's servant I said, "If a man...giveth a gift, he doeth it grudgingly; wherefore it is counted unto him the same as if he had retained the gift...neither will he give a good gift."  Then I took a hidden bottle of mustard and covered both the given slice of cake and the slice remaining on the begrudging giver. We then talked about the blessings that come from following Jesus Christ, the talents that can be taken from one and bestowed upon another, the giving of a gift and ruining it by our attitude, and the difference between these things being done of our own agency as opposed to being forced upon us by government decree.  Lots of lessons from this one example.  It only works if there is remaining cake for all to have after the lesson is given.

Like all families, we have found that children will squabble over things like who gets to sit in the front, who gets to go shopping with mom, whose turn it is to go out for lunch and who gets to pick and serve Family Time Treat.  There are several little Who Gets To things that come up in a family.  We have found a solution that has worked well for years.  It is assigning a weekly Helper.

This rotates through all of the children and they have come to know and trust that their turn will arrive.  This is the person who gets all the extras when a choice has to be made.  If we cannot have all of the children sitting in the front seat, an impossibility, then it is Helper.  If we take somebody to breakfast, it will be the helper. Sometimes other children might go as well but the helper is always the first choice.  If there is an errand that needs running then we try to have the helper do the task.

When we got married, our sealer also told us to begin right away with having scripture study and prayer together.  We have found a deep and consistent joy in following that counsel.  When Chani was little, we had a set of the Illustrated Book of Mormon.  We used the same principle on scripture study as for Family Time.  We would take one scripture story and repeat it night after night until she became familiar with it.

This set of books were the best for that style of scripture study.  In later years we would use the set to show the younger children pictures as we read directly from the Book of Mormon.  The set was finally destroyed through water damage and we hope to replace it one day.

For years we read the scriptures by working our way through the various volumes.  Then one day President Benson remarked that we needed to study from the Book of Mormon as a family every day.  From that time we have used our evening scripture study as the time to read from the Book of Mormon.

With children we have found that having a blend of consistency and change is the best way for their learning and attention.  We find consistency in having scripture study nightly before sending the younger ones to bed.  We have consistency also in the routine.

To be really happy with a family routine, we found that we needed a very minimal routine, a basic routine and a more involved routine.  Our basic routine is to have our children kneel down and say their private prayers.  Even the older ones who pray more in depth on their own are asked to use this time to establish habit and practice.  We all take turns helping the younger children.

After private prayers we have our family prayer.  There are so many children that want to say the prayer that it would be easy for a parent of a large family to rarely get her own turn.  When we found that happening, we felt that it was important that the children hear their parents pray.  After that we were sure to have one of us say the prayer every other or every third time so that an example was being set.

After private prayers we have our scripture study.  Here is where the blessings of change comes in.  Most of the time this is reading from the Book of Mormon.  If Neil reads than usually it is a straightforward reading of the verses.  If I read then I stop every verse or so and explain it or question the children concerning what was just read.

Sometimes we have the children read one or more verses, then take turns.  When we use this method, we will find a verse that the youngest children will repeat after us so that they know they are a part of the activity.  Sometimes a single child will read the entire passage.

We do not have a set amount of reading that we feel is required for us.  Sometimes we read a chapter and sometimes only a verse or two.  Sometimes we will go over the same passage for a few nights.  We are very relaxed about our feelings of "the right way" to accomplish this commandment.

One thing that we sometimes do is to Fill In The Blank.  We will read the scripture and then pause while everybody shouts out the answer.  It came to ....... and they will yell, "Pass!"  We might pause in a spot that is harder to fill...  "For the Lord God worketh not in ........." and we will have several answers yelled out before somebody will hit upon, "secret combinations!"  This form of scripture study is very noisy and is not conducive to calming the crew down before bed but it is a lot of fun.

Sometimes we do a reverse reading.  Here we will say something opposite and they will try to reword it.

"Wherefore, O ye Israelites, it is ignorance in man that these things should be hidden unto you..."  We would then try to figure it out until we came up with the correct phrase.  Sometimes clues would be given.  The correct phrase for this one would be, "Wherefore, O ye Gentiles, it is wisdom in God that these things should be shown unto you..."

When we find ourselves short on time, we use our minimal routine.  Here we have the private and family prayers.  Then we all repeat our family scripture and send the children to bed.  We have chosen one scripture to represent our family and it is the first the children memorize.

When we have a lot of time then we have a more involved scripture study.  Here we might have a song.  We found that by picking a hymn and singing the same one each night for a week or possibly two weeks the children learned them well enough to sing along easily in church.  We might also go into more depth with the older children as the younger ones fall asleep.  Whenever it comes upon us to teach more depth while studying we will stop and do so.

Questions from the children never have to be encouraged as they happen naturally.  What does have to be encouraged is keeping the questions on track with the scriptures.  We get exasperated when in the middle of a verse a child asks if we could go camping next summer or what color do you get if you mix magenta with auburn.

Sometimes scripture study is so noisy and active that we get the clear impression that nothing has been accomplished.  However, we have been faithful to the commandment and keeping the habit alive.  When that feeling comes over us we usually will end right where we are and give kisses and send the children to bed.  To continue after such an impression usually ends up with parents frustrated to the point of anger.

Family prayer is also notorious for being the time when children will begin to ask a hundred unrelated questions and talk of a million different things.  I have considered that having the time for daily family prayer is as much for the unity of calling the family together as it is for speaking to the Lord.  Our Heavenly Father knows how important constant communication is between eternal families and this time of inviting his presence and input erupting into a complete family exchange seems in keeping with that purpose.  The key is to keep the Spirit present and that is sometimes a struggle!

A few years after starting our children on their school routine we felt a need to have more in depth scripture study.  We started teaching the scriptures and the gospel in school and before long we started to have a regular morning study even when it wasn't a school day.  Our study has taken many forms and all of them have been remarkably effective.

At first we used this time to study a particular topic.  Our first unit study was Light.  There are so many scriptural references to light and we found it completely absorbing.  This was about the time that Neil and I were also studying communication and prayer.  We found that being able to visualize light and acknowledging it as being from Heavenly Father and representative of truth and intelligence helped us in our concentration.

We would start with a base scripture.  This first base scripture is the one that developed into our Family Scripture.  We would read it, repeat it, explain it and memorize it.  Each day we would repeat that base scripture and then began to add other scriptures onto it.  Before we were finished there were several that were memorized and understood.  We have frequently returned to this particular topic because like the atonement and the resurrection we feel it is important and representative of the effect of the Holy Ghost on our lives.

We went through several other topics this way.  In school we used this method to study Order as pertaining to order in our home.  Again there was memorizing and teaching the concepts.  One understanding of a principle would lead to another.  This has always been a favorite part of school.  I have often felt that if a child learned nothing at all but to read and to understand the gospel, and to have a testimony of the Lord and his ways, then he has accomplished the most important of all leaning in mortality.

Sometimes we would target a particular book of scriptures.  Since we studied the Book of Mormon at night, we would concentrate upon the other books in the morning.  Frequently, we would also spend weeks on the Articles of Faith.  The Articles of Faith contain within them, deep understanding of more gospel truths than any other similarly sized verses of scriptures.

We would take an Article and repeat it, eventually memorizing it.  I would then teach and later we would discuss the various truths contained in that article.  We would also discuss why the Lord might have felt it important for the article to be worded the way it was, in that particular order of presentation, why it needed to be included based upon basic history or popular Christian thinking.

I wanted my children to know more than just the memorized scriptures and articles.  I wanted them to know the doctrine behind the verses.  Using the method of repetition and expansion until learned as presented by Moroni to Joseph Smith has consistently shown to be the easiest and most effective way to learn anything and especially the gospel.

In school, one group lesson category that we have is history, more particularly God's hand in history.  We will start with the Old Testament and through Cleon Skousen's writings and Glen Kimber's curriculum we will gain a firm insight into the times and lives of important people in the scriptures.  Glen Kimber is Cleon Skousen's son-in-law and the founder of the Benjamin Franklin Academy, (B.F.A.) and has brought a deep love of history into all of our lives.  This is also studying the scriptures but we keep this in addition to the regular morning study.

We have used a method where I will choose a topic and find one scripture or group of scriptures for every talking person in our family.  We each will read our one scripture and then the others will repeat it.  Sometimes the scriptures I choose are long and sometimes short but all are used to teach the gospel in greater depth.  We will do this for a month and by the time the month is over we have all memorized each other's scriptures.  We will also sing the same two songs for opening and closing that month and thus become familiar with more of our church music.  Here is a sample of this method.

The Lord's various Sabbath meetings have always been important to the structure of our lives.  When we first married, it was an easy thing to get ourselves ready and go and enjoy the speakers and the lessons.  We didn't realize then the intense training weekly Sacrament meeting was on the mind and spirits of parents.  It is here that they gain the ability to develop their spirit while dealing with the very practical matters of keeping children still and quiet at the same time.   When we first married, we lived in the ward in which Neil had grown up.  I felt so obvious as the new girl on the block.  I had attended so many different wards as a new member as I had changed wards six times in over three years.  I had already gained the knowledge and trust that the gospel was the same wherever you lived.  I knew the structure of the church and the lessons were the same.  As a young adult I always felt somewhat distant from the people in the wards because I was involved in the Young Adults and their structure covered a broader range.  Young Adult contact and callings generally were stake and Institute of Religion related.  Ward callings being part of that unique structure.  That meant that though I had changed wards often, I was really only changing the place and time of worship but my fellowship contacts remained the same.

When I married and started attending Neil's ward as a new sister in Relief Society and no longer a part of the Young Adult structure I felt very new and unsure of myself.  For the first time since becoming a member I had to learn how a ward functions.  For those who grow up in a ward this is no problem.  For my children it is as much a part of life as any other thing my family does.  As a convert this was a very different world than what I had been raised with.  I found myself feeling a balanced mixture of shy hesitancy and outgoing camaraderie as I began to experience real life as a member of a ward family.

Being in Neil's family's ward for those first few months was a great blessing.  That ward, Lakeside, was full of friendly, relaxed people.  During that time and any time afterwards when we visited, I felt very comfortable and welcomed in an informal manner.

After the first three months we moved to Logan, Utah, for another three months.  That ward was different in atmosphere in that it covered a much smaller locale.  I discovered that there were the same friendly people as in Lakeside Ward.  I gained a deep feeling of the group relationship that happens in one of the Lord's wards.  There are all kinds of people in any given location.  There will be people you are drawn to and those with whom you maintain only a casual relationship.

We moved from that Logan ward back to San Diego and entered into the El Cajon First ward.  This was now our third ward in six months of marriage.  Here again, I found a wide variety of people and I was catching my husband's joy in being friends with people of differing interests.  After being in these three wards, I understood that wards are made up of individuals and that means differences and similarities.  That leads to very enjoyable challenges in living and being a part of a ward family.

El Cajon First Ward was a great comfort as we had our little son.  At one point that ward and Lakeside Ward held a special fast for our son and us.  When he died, the ward members continued to be tender and comfortable with us.  When Chani was born, the ward rejoiced with us at her safe arrival.

Sunday church changed once a baby arrived.  I found that with a new baby for every three hours of meeting I would spend two hours nursing, changing, walking, bouncing and hushing my angel.  It became clear that the purpose of Sunday meeting for me in this stage of my life was to establish the habit, pattern and outward example of my inward faith.  It clearly was not the time to sit peacefully and listen to the speakers, to sit calm in inner solitude during the passing of the sacrament or to balance the scriptures on one knee and a note pad on the other as teachers share insight under the direction of the Holy Ghost.

What I didn't realize is that this stage of my life would extend over two decades.  At first there is a cry of wanting to experience church meetings in the same way that I did before the arrival of children.  Then came an acceptance that this is the way things work and eventually it will end. Finally I learned that the Lord knows the plight of parents and blesses us with the Spirit, and with insight and knowledge despite the mechanics of caring for children during meetings.

There is always the teasing smile and whisper of, "I might as well have stayed home since I never get to hear anything anyway."  The parents of small children look at each other as we pass in the halls and there is that commiserate smile as we understand the never-ending attention these little ones demand.  We know that we are there because our Lord commands it, because our family needs us there, and because if we were not at church we would be home alone with a baby who would keep us on our feet anyway.  Through all of this, our capacity is increased and we are truly blessed.

Church changes as the children grow.  Once they enter Primary then the two hours of auxiliary meetings are much easier to relax in.  Let somebody else deal with the jumping of youngsters.  Ha!  There remains always the parents' job of supporting the teachers.

When one child won't go to class, we take the child out to the van and sit with them.  That way they are not playing in the halls, sitting in on Mom's or Dad's class, or sneaking off to the nursery for a treat.  They buckle up in the van and sit.  No negative words, just quiet study time for the parent and boredom for the child.  Now, we have never had to do this in a cold Utah winter but something similar could be arranged.

We both try to make it to each child's presentations in Primary.  At least one of us is able to be there and smile at our child.  We found that as our number of children increased, our older ones were eager to help the younger ones during sharing time.  We have encouraged this.  In Grossmont Ward where we lived for over eleven years the secretary always called us just before our child was to give a talk and reminded us.  This was the greatest help as there were always so many things that push that event right out of our minds.

Sacrament meeting with the older children has a different flavor.  Here they are no longer cute when they stand on the benches and flirt at those behind or lean forward and touch the cheek of the person in front.   Why my children who never nap want to lie down on the bench and snooze during Sacrament is beyond me.  Why they feel a compulsion to jump up and tell me that Thursday they want to go swimming right when the prayer is being said, is even more confusing.  I am certain that they have taught them reverence.

Another confusing character of the older child is that they suddenly want to mother the baby.  All week they would say, "Oh, Mom!" whenever asked to play with the little one, and then suddenly at church they would nearly knock each other out for the honor of being the baby's best friend.

How about the musical chair game?  This is where each child sits and then as the meeting progresses the parents have to keep rearranging the children to try to bring peace to those around them.  The worst is when they all sit and forget to leave a seat for the mom who is in the bathroom changing the baby.  Enter Mom and all have to stand up and move down another seat.

A friend had found a solution for her family in these matters and we tried it.  What a success!  It is called Blessing.  Certainly in this enlightened day of child psychology we would never consider bribery!  And never, ever bribery with food!  Yes, Blessing is a candy bar.

Now, this is very important.  The candy bar must be one that is quickly eaten (not a caramel, jaw breaker or gum type), easy to break into pieces and thoroughly enjoyed by the parents.  We did try allowing each child to choose their blessing the night before but it got too crazy so we did it for them.  Another key is that they do not eat candy bars except on special occasions.

Now, think of the particular  Sabbath problems your family faces each week.  Then allow some blessing to be given if the behavior you want happens within the limits you desire.  We divided the problems into four areas and thus we mentally divided the candy bar blessing into quarters.  One was being ready for church on time.  One was for reverence (we outlined this clearly) in Sacrament.  One was for the ability to sit in the meeting without needing to go potty or get a drink of water.  And the last was for general behavior before and during church.

After church then the children got the candy bar, at least the portion of the bar that they had earned.

Now, comes the important part.  The candy not earned is not saved until another time.  It is enjoyed by the parents.  We enjoy it in front of the child.  Cruel?  Yep, and so very effective!  It doesn't take some children long to realize that if they don't get it now they can have it later so it is not really lost.  This way they know that because of their actions that blessing is beyond their reach.  Of course, the little ones get blessings just because they are so cute and would never understand otherwise.

The long fast Sunday happens every month.  It is difficult to teach children the blessings that come from observing the Lord's fast.  Neil and I have such a testimony of that instruction to enhance prayer and the outpouring of Spirit.  It has been difficult because I am always pregnant or nursing and therefore must fast in Spirit and prayer but not in fact.  Some of my children have  difficulty fasting because of hyperglycemia.  We had a need to find a pattern of fasting that would work as we raised our children.

We decided that children under the age of eight did not need to go without food or water.  We had them join us in prayer and tried to teach them about fasting through word and example.  We also taught them that the Lord understood when a person couldn't fast for certain reasons and that He counted the intent of his heart as worthy.

When our children reach age eight, we have them fast one meal.  They know that they could choose to fast the breakfast or the lunch.  They usually prefer to fast breakfast as that seems much less of a sacrifice.  When they forget what day it is, then they find themselves fasting lunch.  They learn to look forward to fast Sunday to avoid automatically eating breakfast!

When our children hit age twelve, we have them participate in a full fast.  Ben is an exception because of his blood-sugar problem.  He can eat a little, mostly juice.  He never goes without water but still drinks very little.  The other children also have mild blood sugar problems so they can have a glass of an herb that assists in keeping that sugar level under control.  For the most part, the children have learned both the Spirit of the fast and the actual sacrifice.

General Conference is among our favorite Sunday experiences.  We sit as a family and listen to both the Saturday and the Sunday sessions.  The day always seems relaxed and a pleasant change from the normal frantic activity of the usual Sunday.

We don't get dressed up.  I know of families who do so and it helps maintain the spirit they are seeking.  We simply opt for the warm pajamas in the morning and normal wear in the afternoon.

We have gone through different stages of how much Conference our children 'had' to endure.  At first we didn't think about it because they were all young anyway.  Then it was a matter of listening and still keeping an eye on the toddlers.  Then they became talkers and noise makers and we found ourselves turning up the volume to be heard above the crowd of youngsters.

As they grew older, we told them they had to sit in on the talks by the prophet and on the first talk of each session.  Then we let them go and continued watching in peace.  After all, Conference is so important and it was getting harder and harder to maintain the Spirit with half a dozen children on the move.

Finally we got to the point of being so far outnumbered by children and visiting children that letting them go only changed the Sabbath into something other than a day of rest.  We were at the point of either going to the church and watching conference there as a family, going to a home with a satellite dish, or changing our pattern at home.  Since I always had either a baby or was pregnant and homebound the best plan was to change at home.

We bought some needlework and our girls started using Conference time to sit and do their needle work.  We got some quiet games and puzzles for the ones not interested in needlework.  Some even started using a pen and paper to take notes.  We emphasized keeping the conversation to almost nonexistent and to keep movements to a minimum.  We let the youngest come and go but the older the child the more firm we were that they stay put.  We finally reached a pattern where we could generally feel the Spirit and understand the messages without overwhelming frustrations.

There was one miracle that happened during Conference time that will always stand out for me.  We had this family living with us which consisted of little children.  The children had been physically hurt by an adult and one of those children carried lots of anger.

This one Conference our cable was off and we couldn't watch the talks so we had another family tape the presentations for us.  After all the children were in bed and asleep the adults in our home sat watching Conference.  When Elder Scott got up to give his very tender and compassionate talk about children who had suffered harm we looked up and down the stairs came this little sleepwalking child.  She climbed up into her mother's lap and watched Elder Scott give his talk with a deep intensity.  When he finished speaking, she got up and went upstairs to bed.

We all looked at each other in awe.  We knew that the Holy Ghost had brought that child down so her spirit could hear the words of comfort and love.  In the two-plus years that family lived with us, that was the only night that child ever got up after falling asleep.

The temple has been very important to both of us.  Being married there and being assured that our family ties will extend into eternity has been the greatest of blessings.  When we were first married, Neil and I would go to the temple every month.  For the three months that we lived in Utah we went to the temple every week.

Because I was pregnant, I had trouble sitting through a session.  There were other things that I could do in temple while Neil did the session.  When I was twenty weeks pregnant that first time I began to feel faint as I worked.  I tried to push through until I had finished the task and nearly made it.  At the last moment I slowly sank to the floor in a complete faint.  I came to long enough to explain that I was pregnant and to take off my contacts and then I fainted again!

When I met up with Neil, I was feeling healthy and ravenous. I told him what happened over lunch.  He was appropriately sympathetic but I could tell it wasn't quite real to him.

When I was pregnant with Chani and hitting the twenty-week mark I was again with Neil in the temple.  This time we were doing a session together.  When the time came to pray together we stood and bowed our heads in prayer.  I began to have that faint feeling come over my brain.  Neil tells me that I started blowing like a whale.  That is a romantic and pleasant way to say I had started to hyperventilate.

As the prayer ended, I remember hearing the Amen before blackness overcame my mind.  I remember being aware of Neil frantically whispering to me.  "Cherie!  Cherie!"  I could hear as he turned his head from me and spoke to somebody, "She's just a little pregnant!"  Then again he was calling me.  "Cherie!  Cherie!"

I was feeling a great sense of laughter bubbling up within me.  It seems so funny to be playing such a trick on everybody.  Clearly my mind had come around before my body could respond.  Then I heard this elderly lady say, "Here Honey, put your head between your knees."  I then felt my head being pushed down between my legs.

I opened my eyes to see my sweet husband dripping with sweat.  He later told me that I had crumpled right in his arms.  He and another man had carried my dead, pregnant weight over to the chair with my head falling backwards.  Such a lovely picture to present in such a beautiful place!

The temple is a very sacred place.  People are never rushed or anxious there.  Certainly they never speak loudly.  My husband was embarrassed to the very core when a dear lady stood at the front of the room and in the loudest of whispers told the man in charge of the meeting that this lady was sick and she and her husband needed to go eat immediately.  He whispered something and she in turn stuck out her arm and pointed right to Neil and said, "There!"  There was never any question but that Neil would forevermore take the threat of my fainting quite seriously.

When we lived in San Diego, we would go to the Los Angeles Temple and it would take three hours to get there.  When we were newly married, we would go up and spend the night at a hotel.  Once children started to come, we would go up and take a babysitter with us, usually one of Neil's sisters.  I always had a nursing baby so it wasn't possible to leave the baby behind.  When my baby would be old enough to leave for the day we would take off, enjoy the temple and then eagerly come back home.

When the San Diego Temple was being readied for the Open House, we studied about the temple and practiced reverence.  We invited as many people as we could think of to see our beautiful temple.  We took the children through that lovely temple built to the Lord.  When the dedication came, we were able to take our older children to the meeting.  It was a wonderful event.

We took one remarkable temple visit a few weeks after Marshall died.  We went up with Don and Laurie Touchet.  We found a hotel that had advertised a suite containing two rooms with beds and a bathroom.  We expected it was two adjoining rooms with a shared bathroom.  We were both fairly new at the marriage relationship and had been friends before our marriages.  We found to our surprise, embarrassment and humor that the suite consisted of one bedroom, one bathroom and a living room with a fold-out bed.  One bed was so worn that it folded inward toward the middle while the other bed was so worn that it folded outward toward the ends.

I doubt any of us had a really great sleep that night.  The morning found us up and ready to enter the temple.  As we were parking, I found that I had left my temple recommend in my purse at home three hours away.

This was devastating to me.  My little son had just died and I really needed the comfort that the temple experience could bring.  Neil was going to stay outside with me while the Touchets did a session.  I convinced him to go in and do the work.

After Neil left, I sat and contemplated what it would be like to be so separated from my husband because of some neglect or sin on my part.  Again I committed to not letting anything interfere with my being able to return with my husband into the presence of the Lord.

I spent time at the Visitor's Center.  I told the Center workers that I had left my recommend and that my baby had just died.  They began to tell me some intensely spiritual and miraculous stories associated with families and that particular temple.  Being at the temple that day, even though I could not go inside, is one of my cherished memories.

Getting to church on time is nearly impossible for us.  No matter what hour the meeting or what time we begin to be ready, there is always somebody who holds up the rest.  For years my children thought the Logan pew was the couch in the foyer.  At first, we could quietly sit there and take the sacrament then file into the meeting and onto an empty back side row.  As our family grew this was nearly impossible to do inconspicuously.  We started to quietly file into the back section where the overflow chairs were set up.  At times we simply opted to stay seated in the foyer.

Once one sister congratulated me.  "I heard you were on time today!  Wonderful!"  Well, actually, we were on time to the Catholic church where Jay and Yvonne's baby was baptized.  We managed to be only a little late to our own meeting.

When we first moved to Utah, we lived in the Bertagnoli's home.  They had temporarily moved to Logan.  There were ten of them and there were ten of us.  Their children were the same ages as ours.  We arrived that first Sunday and managed to sneak into the overflow chairs.  We noticed that up front there was a whole pew that sat empty.  The next week it was still empty but after that it began to fill.  We found that the forward row was where the Bertagnollis had always sat.  I still marvel that this friend managed to get all her children seated early enough to catch a view of the speaker's facial expressions!

Getting dressed for church is another exercise in patience and creativity.  When we reached the point of having older children helping younger children, we had reason to rejoice.  Still, there was the day that all the children filed out of the van and into the chapel as I waited to close the van door.  Last of all came Chiya.  Barefoot.

Or the time that Chamrie had to interrupt our concentration on the Savior during the Sacrament to tell us that three-year-old Cheyanne had arrived at church wearing the thirteen-year-old son's underwear with her legs in the wrong holes.  Cheyanne was embarrassing her sister by lifting her dress to show the people behind her the baggy wear.

What about the time that the boys decided to wear their normal clothes under their church clothes because that way it would be easier to change once they came home?

There will always be the days when there are dirty shirts that missed the wash or socks that are mismatched.  The worst, though, are the times when you are holding the baby and then you realize the baby's diaper isn't doing the job.  Moms learn to take this in stride.  Dads learn to live with mucus marks on their shoulders.  Teen daughters, however, must be taken home to change their entire outfit when they are targeted by baby mess.

When children stand forth to give talks or be recognized at church it is an exciting event in the family.  Ben was very shy about giving talks but he would stand with his dad and listen as Neil gave the prepared presentation.  As Ben grew, he still felt the shyness but he gathered the courage to speak.  Once he came to me and said that he had two talks to give the following week in Primary.  Two?  Then he explained that they needed somebody to give talks in his class and he and another boy were assigned.  Ben agreed and then the other boy said, "Here Ben.  You can give my talk too."  My very shy young man was willing to give both talks.  He once told me that when the time came he would be a good missionary because by then he could speak in front of people because of all of the practice he was getting.

When Chani and Ben and Chamrie first started giving Primary talks we helped them write the talks, practice them and give them.  When Chiya and Nathan began to give talks Chani and Chamrie wanted to help them and we allowed it.  We enjoy watching our children assist each other.  They all did very well in their various presentations over the years.

One day Neil was walking down the hall when he noticed an, "Ummmm, ummmm." sound coming from the Primary microphone.  He glanced in to see our Ryan standing in front of everybody willing to give the talk that nobody knew he was supposed to be giving.  He is so outgoing that not being prepared didn't cause him to hesitate a moment.  However, he didn't know what to say.  Neil came forward to rescue our son.  He knelt by Ryan and suggested that he give our family scripture.  What a surprise to discover that both father and son suddenly drew a complete blank!  Thankfully the bearing of Ryan's testimony saved the moment.

I have watched Chani, Chamrie and Chiya stand and sing in Sacrament meeting.  Watching the Spirit shine from their lovely faces warms my hearts and brings tears to my eyes.  I am awed to know that these angels have come to me in this wonderful life.  The same feeling fills me when my children stand up in Sacrament meeting to sing for special Sundays.  Watching them from a distance is different from watching them up close.  When you see them from a distance, your perspective is more glorious then the sometimes frustrating up-close details such as some felt marks going up the arm or shoelaces untied.

When adults stand out the effects can be nearly as entertaining.  Not many Sundays ago, a High Councilman was presenting his assigned talk on having reverence in our meetings.  We were all seated in our usual overflow chairs.  I was on the end with the baby on my lap.  She squirmed down and before I could stop her she hustled off to the family on the side of us.  Art and Teri Shimata have a daughter Chalae's age.  The two of them were quietly sitting and playing so Terri winked at me and we let things be.

Then Chalae picked up one of the Autumn's baby's toys and headed for the door to exit the chapel.  Since I was not feeling very well, I motioned to Chani to go grab the baby.  She squeezed past Neil and me and hurried over to scoop up Chalae.  As she did so, Chalae dropped the other baby's toy.

As Chani was walking back to me I motioned for her to go back and pick up the toy.  Chani, not understanding turned around and took Chalae right out of the chapel.  I was concerned that the toy would be lost so I asked Ryan to go and get the toy.  Ryan took off, but another boy was even faster.  He grabbed the toy and headed out the door after Chani.  Ryan came back empty-handed.  Chani came back into the chapel without this toy.

She had known it wasn't Chalae's toy so she just left it in the foyer.  I sent Chani back out so that the Autumn would be sure and get that silly toy back.  By then I was laughing from embarrassment and the speaker was calmly still teaching us about reverence in our Sacrament meetings.  I wonder what Sunday meeting was like in heaven.

When we were first married Neil and I would sit in the side pew and were fully able to absorb all that the speakers had to say.  The distractions caused by other children during this time were endearing to me.  I loved to watch the families.  It was that bond of families in connection to the church that caused me to make that first investigator step, after all.

One Sunday I was watching this wonderful little girl in the middle aisle.  She was squatting down playing with some toy.  When she stood up, I noticed the puddle left behind on the tile.  I whispered to Neil.  Neil laughed and caught the father's attention.  He was sitting, relaxed with his arms spread out over the back of the pew.  The father looked down, rolled his eyes, tapped his wife's shoulder and then pointed to the puddle.  The father then went back to his listening as the mother went off to get paper towels.  What a lesson in taking things in stride and an even smarter one in delegation!

One of my friends gave a most memorable Sacrament talk.  Lynelle Hite stood up and read with dramatic feeling the story of Horton Hatches The Egg.  She turned the pages and held us mesmerized by the simple tale of a dedicated Horton.  Horton was an elephant who promised to babysit an egg while the mother flew off.  He sat through various adversities until his task was successfully completed.  Afterwards we knew that no matter how difficult the conditions might be, staying faithful and dedicated to those things we have committed ourselves to will bring about great rewards.

In the same ward Neil gave a memorable talk.  He spoke of things that matter and things that really never last anyway.  He asked several rhetorical questions concerning items that may or may not be taken with us when we leave mortality and enter the spirit world.  Suddenly in the middle of these questions he paused.  Clearly a thought had popped into his mind.  Half aloud he asked, "Clothes?  Do the clothes we are buried in go with us?  We know that Moroni was naked under his robe because he was barefoot and Joseph Smith could see his chest.  Do our clothes go with us?  If not, then who brings us something to wear?  Now, this gives new meaning to the greeting: I'm glad to see you!"

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