The greatest difficulty in accomplishing any goal is in bringing all aspects of your personality into unity and allowing you to move forward.  Usually, one or more parts of who you are resist accepting the goal.  Sometimes there is deception in that you appear to agree with yourself and then quietly sabotage.  These things cause feelings of being torn in two directions at once.  The purpose of this program is to bring total agreement, unity and commitment, and through that -- progression.

What Do You Want?
    First, you must word the goal.  You need to take great care that the wording is in the positive as much as possible.  The phrases used must be ones that feel comfortable.  Be sure that a clear, exact and creative goal is written.
    Examples: Instead of, "to not be afraid," say, "to be free of fear," "to feel peace," "to have courage," or "to be able to be confident."  Play around with the goal until the wording is correct and not too lengthy.

How Do You Know You Have It?
    The answers to the question, "What will be different?" are called submodalities and they make up the framework of the goal.  The more comprehensive this list becomes, the clearer your mind will understand the goal that has been set.  This in essence shows the mind what you want in the accomplishment of the goal.  To get the submodalities, ask questions and write down the answers in positive form, if possible.  Some answers of course will be, "No change," just pass those up.
    Examples: "What would you hear, see, feel, or do differently?"  "What would be different in your marriage, with your children, socially, spiritually, at work, at home, physically?"  Include any other what - would - is - different questions that seem appropriate.
    As the session is in progress, these will not need to be spoken when you state the goal.  The brain has already recorded it as, "This is what that goal means to me."

When Do You Not Want Your Goal to Work?
    Always ask, "When would I not want to have my goal in effect?", or "Under what situations would I not want my goal?"  Usually the answer to this is, "Never! I would always want this goal!"
    Think carefully for a moment.  For instance if the goal is, "To be free of fear of the dark," you might want to feel apprehension if it is the Holy Ghost saying that this time there is reason to fear, to listen and to obey this feeling as a warning.  If there is any qualifying to the goal simply and consciously write it down here and the brain will create that in with the program.

Imagine Having It
    Remember a time when you had the goal or if you cannot remember a time - anytime - then clearly imagine what it would be like to have the goal.  Make this as detailed as possible.  This more firmly sets in the mind what it is you are looking for.

Find a Place of Safety
    See yourself in a place of safety, of comfort, a place where you are in charge and a place large enough for a meeting.  You may want a doorway into the place where those entering can do so, one at a time.

Hold a Meeting
    State that the purpose of this meeting is to (state whatever the goal is).  Invite supportive parts in one at a time.  A part is simply the brain's representation of a part of who you are, what you feel and what you think.  It is symbolic,  sometimes creatively so.  What enters could look like you (at any and various ages), or it could look like someone that you know.  It could look like an animal or a thing, a tree for wisdom, a dog for devotion or any type of representation.  It could be a color, a feeling, the room itself, or many other things.  So use creativity and trust what is happening.  The mind is working beautifully and knows what it is doing, so go along with it.
    After your positive parts enter they will be followed by the less positive.  Sometimes they need to be specifically invited, and sometimes they need to be commanded to enter.  Sometimes others need to go out to bring them in, and sometimes the Lord needs to insist that they be present.  They do need to be there though, because if they are not in agreement by the end of the session then the goal will not be completely accomplished.  Other parts will be called in from time to time by those parts that need help.
    If this is beginning to sound confusing, it is because of loops in our mind where one thing leads to another and then to another.  Sometimes meeting needs is like that.  For instance, to put out the fire you need water: bucket, wood, tree, the earth, and God.  However most things will be fairly straightforward and the loops are usually only one or two extra steps.  Once a part enters it usually need to stay until the goal is completely set and the whole session is over.

Express Appreciation
    Once a part arrives, thank it for being there, tell it that you love it if you honestly can, or at least tell it that you appreciate it coming.  Connect cords if needed. Connecting cords is visualizing a connection of light between two people, events or pictures.  This light represents the light that comes through Jesus Christ.  State the goal.  "My goal is ..."

Discover What is Needed
    Ask, "What do you need from me in order for this goal to be completed (or accomplished)?"  Find out what is needed and then honestly give what is needed.  If you cannot find out or give it then find someone who can.
    If a part's need is unreasonable, say so and ask again what they need.  Keep at it until what they really want comes out or until you feel to put them aside until later in the session.  If they cannot talk to you, have them tell someone else and let that part relay the message to you.  Perhaps the reluctant part could show you the problem.  Perhaps they can write it down or somehow communicate what they need to complete the goal.
    After finding out what they need from you tell them what you need from them to accomplish the goal.  If you don't know what you need, ask them what you need from them.  Let them give it to you.  Sometimes it is a matter of, "If I give you (respect) can you give me (love)?"  Simply give each other what you need.

Make One Hundred Percent Commitments
    The commitments need to be absolute. If there is any hesitancy or resentment or hiding then it weakens the structure of the goal.  Work at it until commitment is true.

Make Note of Loops and Blocks
    Loops happen when some parts need something from other parts before everybody's needs can be met.  Whenever a need has not been fully met, make note and be sure that all are finally completed before ending the meeting.
    Blocks happen when there is refusal to proceed, when the mind starts wandering because of avoidance or when something evil tries to maintain its place in the framework.  If it is evil call upon the Savior to do what only he can.  Otherwise, be creative.  Remember that the mind and the spirit want to accomplish righteous goals so that progression can continue.

Creatively Overcome Loops and Blocks
    Remember that the purpose of the spirit within is to return successfully to Heavenly Father.  It does this by choosing how to act upon information stored by the mind.  Blocks are usually created when for some reason the mind has accepted something as truth that is a lie.  Sometimes it happens when the spirit feels the need to fight for survival of self.  Then a program is started to protect and often this program is based upon nontruth.  Thus blocks to progression and to the desired goals may not be willful sins as often as they are misconceptions about truth or about how to spiritually survive.  It's like a brick wall that stops you moving forward because you might make a wrong move and fail.  This is a lie upon which a survival mechanism is built.  If you do not move forward you will not fail.  However, by not moving forward then you do not progress.  Thus, you automatically fail which is exactly why the program was first established to avoid.

Give a New Job
    Sometimes giving a new job can eliminate the block.  Take the brick wall as an example.  Thank it for the job of protecting you that it has been doing.  Explain that the need for that type of protection has passed and ask if the wall would like a new job.  Maybe it will tell you what job it wants.  Agree to the new job only if you are in 100 percent agreement.
    You can offer it a new job such as the task of standing guard to block discouragement from stepping onto your life's path.  Set up a signal that the wall can send to you to let you know when he needs your attention.  Suddenly you have taken an apparent foe and helped him become the friend he thought he was anyway.  Sometimes, the block might feel that if its job is done.  Then it can return to energy or to pure thought or love or whatever.  Be sure and show gratitude either for the job done or at least for the intent of protection and preservation.

Work on Generations
    Often the programming that needs healing has been passed down through the generations as a truth or a habit or a teaching or a tradition.  It is helpful to do a Generation Cleanse in which the individual gathers up all of the darkness concerning the goal.  He then divides it into two sections, one being his personal darkness (sin) and the other being what others have passed along.
    His portion he repents of and gives to the Savior to put away properly, and the other he passes back to the next generation.  Then he has them take their personal darkness out of the whole.  Then he puts into the whole all of the stuff passed down to them.  They then give theirs to the Savior and pass it back and this repeats until the Spirit says that it is enough.  It is not necessary to see each individual, simply do it as a group with each individual acting independently within their group.  Pay attention, though, to what is going on.  If a person or group of people seem unwilling to take back their own junk then try to teach them the principle of repentance and that nobody else can do it for them.  Again, be creative.  Call upon Christ if you need help.
    What this does is clear programming in the brain that says something is a certain way because it has always been so.  The truth is that it has not always been so and by going back until the Lord says enough the brain can see that it began at a point and so it can end at a point, and that point is now!

Have Heavenly Father or Savior Intervene
    Anytime there is great difficulty, darkness, sadness, fear or just the need to teach a truth or feel love you can call upon the Savior and He will enter and do whatever He can, which is dependent upon the depth of permission you are willing to give Him.  He can cast out wickedness, comfort, heal, guide, teach, love, lighten, inspire, and so much more.  Sometimes He is there in person and sometimes He sends His light, sometimes it is His love that is felt, and sometimes He sends a messenger to help.  Often at this point instead of just being visualization, it can become vision.  Cherish the experience and the Lord will bless you even more.

Cords and Holding
    When the difficulty is in feeling love or in communicating, then try healing by connecting cords.  Clearing them so that the energy flows from one end to the other.  Then magnify the cords until they are bright and vibrant.  Also, visually holding hands or being held will fill the spirit with the feeling of comfort and peace.  Even the Savior can be seen taking you into His arms.  Connect the cords heart to heart, mind to mind and stomach to stomach and any other areas that feel right, even matching spirit to spirit if needed.

Size and Color Change
    If something seems overpowering, make it smaller, give it a little voice, turn off the sound and just watch, or turn off the picture and just listen.  Have someone else, another part less vulnerable than your cognizant self, do the watching and communicating.  Change the color, for instance, from red to blue or from a sickly yellow to a healthy green.  Utilize the power of imagination and everything will work out in fun and powerfully healing ways.

Adjourn, Pursue and Report
    Another technique that works well is to give an assignment to a part and ask how long it will take to complete the assignment.  Then have the working part leave to do the job.  It will later return to report on the task.
    Once my husband wanted some reprogramming done so he called in his chief programmer.  After being told that there was a section of the brain that was misfiring, and saying that it would take 24 hours to get it working correctly, Neil had the programmer leave to do the job.  The next day when Neil met with him he was told that the job required more work than at first thought and so the chief programmer had all of his crew working on it.  He told Neil it would another three days to finish.  Which it did!  Sometimes working out these goals are a lot of fun and extremely entertaining.

End with Light, Peace, Agreement, Healing
    You can tell when the goal is set and complete commitment has been reached because the picture will fill with light, feel very good, or have a peaceful settled feeling.  All parts present in the meeting need to be committed to the goal and to each other.
There needs to be harmony and a feeling of love and understanding.
    Sometimes there will be an understanding that there is more work yet to be done but that enough has been done for now.  That is when you need to agree about when to meet again.  It is wise to keep with it and work until the goal is complete.  If you end with partial commitment, especially from those parts of your personality that are against the goal, they could cause a lot of discomfort and frustration as they try to keep you from changing.     Sometimes though simply by accessing the goal and beginning the work, everything will fall into place and correct on its own.
    Goals are wonderful tools for helping us to progress and these are tools for helping accomplish the goals.  I believe that we have the responsibility to keep our goals in agreement with the laws and counsel of our Heavenly Father.  Then He will empower us and our imagination with all that we need to overcome the challenges and blocks that we encounter.

Integration
    People differ on how much time it takes for the goal to be come integrated and in full effect.  Some people have this happen almost immediately and some have it take a few weeks.  The average length of time is from 24 - 48 hours.  The interesting thing about this is that everything feels so easy and natural because you are no longer fighting yourself.  Sometimes, to tell that it is working, ask, "What is different?"
    If something is not quite right, then look at the last picture of the meeting.  Check to see if there was something hidden that still needs fixing.  Check to see if something was left out and then take care of it.

    Prayer is sending communication to Heavenly Father through the Holy Ghost and in the name of Jesus Christ.  Revelation is communication coming back to us from Heavenly Father through the same channel. Without both prayer and revelation the communication between us and our God is incomplete.

Looking under REVELATION in the Bible Dictionary pp. 762 is this quote:

    "Divine revelation is one of the grandest concepts and principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ, for without it, man could not know of the things of God and could not be saved with any degree of salvation in the eternities.  Continuous revelation from God to his saints, through the Holy Ghost or by other means, such as vision, dreams, or visitations, makes possible daily guidance along true paths and leads the faithful soul to complete and eternal salvation in the celestial kingdom.  The principle of gaining knowledge by revelation is the principle of salvation.  It is the making known of divine truth by communication with the heavens, and consists not only of  revelation of the plan of salvation to the Lord's prophets but also a confirmation in the hearts of the believers that the revelation to the prophets is true.  It also consists of individual guidance for every person who seeks for it and follows the prescribed course of faith, repentance, and obedience to the gospel of Jesus Christ.  "The Holy Ghost is a revelation," said Joseph Smith, and 'no man can receive the Holy Ghost without receiving revelations' (History of the Church 6:58) Without revelation, all would be guesswork, darkness and confusion."

    Elder Bruce R. McConkie of the Quorum of the Twelve in a talk entitled,"How to Get Personal Revelation" stated:

    "What I desire to point attention to is the fact that revelation is not restricted to the prophet of God on earth.  The visions of eternity are not reserved for Apostles - they are not reserved for the General Authorities.  Revelation is something that should be received by every individual."

    He says later in the same article,

    "Now I say that we are entitled to revelation.  I say that every member of the Church, independent and irrespective of any position that he may hold, is entitled to get revelation from the Holy ghost; he is entitled to entertain angels; he is entitled to view the visions of eternity; and if we would like to go the full measure, he is entitled to see God the same way that any prophet in literal and actual reality has seen the face of Deity."

    The most common answer to that question in the church is found in Doctrine and Covenants which reads:

      Sometimes we forget that the burning in the bosom is not the only way of receiving revelation.  The Spirit has many different methods to work upon the soul of man.  Heavenly Father knows and loves us.  He knows that his children are not identical.  Some of us learn through visual means, some through feelings and some through hearing.  Some use varying combinations of all three methods.  There are internal methods such as the burning of the bosom and there are external methods such as a testimony deepening while hearing a beautiful song.
    Here are some of the many means that are at the disposal of the Holy Ghost as he goes about his job of bearing testimony.  It is his task to do so in such a way that we shall have no excuse come the day we stand before our Lord.  He uses: dreams, seeing God, visions, visits by angels, memory restored of beyond the veil, inspiration, revealed to you, manifest it, Spirit will show it, shown, unveil, understanding, visitation, scriptures, prophecy, testimony, still small voice, knowledge, shepherds voice, wisdom, music, feeling in bosom, confidence, peace, chills, shakes, strength taken, tingling, and overcome by Spirit.

    The method which is most important is the one we receive.  That is the one of personal value.  That seems a rather simple answer however.  Sometimes we look for an answer to come in one specific way and overlook all the other ways the Holy Ghost is shouting at us. There is not greater value in a vision over a whispering in the mind.  Both are revelation and if heeded draw us closer to our Lord.  When we devalue one method because it is familiar to us and we want to prove something by a different method of truth, we limit the Holy Ghost by not listening to him.  When we embrace his messages as they come to our mind and our hearts we open the doors to receiving more from him.
    Receiving and acknowledging revelation brings more revelation.  Joseph Smith in Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith said:

    "A person may profit by noticing the first intimation of the Spirit of revelation; for instance, when you feel pure intelligence flowing into you, it may give you sudden strokes of ideas, so that by noticing it, you may find it fulfilled the same day or soon; (i.e..) those things that were presented unto your minds by the Spirit of God, will come to pass; and thus by learning the Spirit of God and understanding it, you may grow into the principle of revelation, until you become perfect in Christ Jesus."

    Here is a list of the ways that individuals in my family are most likely to receive instruction and testimony, warning and preparation from the Lord.  This does not mean that all other ways are closed for them.  It just means that they have a particular method right now that they are most likely to experience.
    Neil needs lots of time alone in a fairly quiet environment and his answers come through feelings, through the burning in his bosom.  When something is not right or when there is a warning it comes as a sick feeling in his stomach.
   I often need to talk it out aloud for the external auditory benefit to fully comprehend revelation received.  This will give the thoughts that come to my mind from the Spirit shape and cohesiveness.  The more I can shape the impressions with words the clearer the revelation becomes.  First it comes as intelligence or words in my mind.  When I need to get a feeling for confirmation it is a very quiet feeling that I have to listen very carefully for and then I can feel it in my heart.  The times that the feeling in the heart continues longer than a few moments feels almost uncomfortable and overwhelming.  I am much happier with the calm knowing than the emotional intensity that stops me from being able to even speak.
    Chani usually gets her answers through a quiet, peaceful, simple feeling. She also incorporates both seeing and hearing.
    Ben gets his in a nearly instantaneous moment. At first his was almost like little a nudging, shy and hesitant in feeling what is needed.  Then a great change came over Ben.  Neil spent a couple of months in Ben's Sunday school class with the eleven-year-olds teaching only about the Holy Ghost.  By the end all of the boys including my son, could feel and recognize the Holy Ghost.  Now at age thirteen Ben can tell anybody that he has felt the Spirit and what it feels like.  He also mentions that he feels that way when he hears inspired music and speakers.
    Chamrie is very complicated in how she receives answers to prayer.  She is also very easy to assist in working with her nightly dreams.  She needs to see through external visual means.  Then through the feeling methods.  Finally the inspiration becomes internalized.  She is much like her mother but with the added level of intense feeling.  Music is a special medium for her in feeling the Holy Ghost.  She can make or break her attitude by the sounds surrounding her.  The more she can control the conversation in her head and the tones of her voice the more she can magnify her earthly mission.
    Chiya is both visual and feeling.  Feeling first, she is sometimes unable to talk at all when touched by either the Spirit or by grief.  She ponders deeply and carefully, searching out the Spirit and revelation.
    Nathan receives the Spirit mostly by feelings that are very tender.  He is very much on target concerning discernment.  Like Chiya, we should never rush him externally, as this seems to slow his ability to act.
    Ryan is all seeing and auditory.  His feelings are mainly in the background except for negative emotions and then they come and go loudly and quickly.  The Holy Ghost will act on him much like it does on me but probably even more visually.  He will need to learn discernment so that he can catch the Spirit's intent quickly and tell when it is not the Spirit.
    Cheyanne is also a feeling, don't-rush-me child.
 Chalae at age one is already showing clear signs of being an auditory spirit.  She is highly verbal.  She is not the quiet, touching baby that Cheyanne or Nathan were.  She is much like Chamrie in verbal ability.  She is like Ryan in being somewhat oblivious to internal feelings.  Her emotions come on quick and disperse rapidly.
    Each child has brought unique ways in which they have maintained their connections with Heavenly Father.  Each child has changed the character of our family.  I have come to believe that when all children intended by Heavenly Father have arrived, the character of our family will be exactly what is vital to fulfill our family mission.  Each intermittent step has found our family with the correct chemistry for the challenges we have faced.  Does a family have a mission?  Certainly, just as a nation or an individual does.

    As we heard in General Conference one year, a feeling of the Holy Ghost will accompany the revelations of God.  We do need to recognize that the intensity of those feelings are very different among individuals.  It is important to help our children to recognize the feeling within them.  Auditory children of God must listen very carefully as the feeling is very quiet.  Their voice of inspiration is much louder and easier to discern.  They need to listen very carefully to their heart to be able to feel the confirmation of that inspiration.
    Chamrie is a very intelligent child who has a well-developed gift of tongues, a command of language and thought.  The Holy Ghost communicates with her by speaking within her mind.  She is very concerned with knowing whether what is in her mind is from Heavenly Father or if it is made up by her own thoughts.  When the Holy Ghost speaks within your own mind, the voice will often sound as your own voice.
    We have had difficulty in attempting to teach her to identify the feeling that accompanies the voice.  She is much like me in that the feelings are usually very subtle.  When she was seven years old, I tried to have her ask specific questions such as, "Is the church true?  Is Joseph Smith a prophet?" and so on.  She would get the answer in her mind and continue to be certain that she wasn't feeling it.
    Finally, I tried by taking something away from her.  I said,  "OK, for just this moment imagine that I am taken away from you.  You will never, ever see me again."  Her whole body tensed up.  I then said,  "Now, toss that thought away.  I am your mother and will be forever."  Then I repeated similar statements concerning Heavenly Father.  Again her body tensed up when I stated that he did not exist and she will never be with him.  She relaxed when I refuted the lie and stated the truth.  She asked me not to do that again because it scared her.  Then we could talk about feelings, as she had just expressed and experienced it.
    I explained to my little girl that her feelings of the Holy Ghost were much like mine, very subtle.  I told her that I, while getting revelations easily, confirming it with the feeling is sometimes very difficult.  I do not need to get the confirming feeling with all personal revelations.  After years of association with the Spirit I now know and understand how the Spirit works on me.  When something, a warning for instance, comes to mind, I can act on it in faith.  When I receive most other mental impressions from the Spirit, I naturally trust them.  However, when it is an answer that I feel needs the emotional backup, it is still a struggle to hear that very quiet feeling.  Notice how auditory I am as I speak of hearing the feeling rather than feeling it, but that is exactly how it seems to me.
    I explained to my daughter that we are bringing her up in a home where we are teaching her the gospel.  We love her and work at keeping the Spirit in the home.  So Chamrie has never been completely without the Holy Ghost in her environment.
    This is important because I have found in talking to many people who have grown up in active LDS families a similar response.  They feel that they have never felt the Holy Ghost when in fact they have lived in a home where He dwells.  In reality, they have become so accustomed to following that familiar feeling that they do not recognize that it is the Holy Ghost.  In essence they have come close to being of one mind and one heart with God.  In some things, their very thoughts and feelings are His.
    When our children are baptized and receive the Gift of the Holy Ghost they are promised that if they are true to their covenants and receive the Holy Ghost then he will always be with them.  The Lord is bound by that covenant.  If the child stays true and learns to repent when needed then he can rest assured that his companion is present in his life.  That comfortable, normal feeling that comes from being of one heart and mind with the Lord needs to be identified.  It is not always a powerful burning or enlightening.  Most of the time it is as peaceful and normal as breathing with only those more distinct moments when conversation with the Holy Ghost needs to be just a little louder then usual.

    I teach my children that the purpose of revelation is to become of one heart and one mind with God.  We teach our children that we should be more aware when the Spirit is gone than even when it is here.  This is because the Spirit's influence brings such a comfortable and natural feeling when it is present in our daily lives.
    People have told me how lucky Church converts are because we know what it is like to be without and then to have.  The assumption is that converts really appreciate the blessings of the Gospel because of that comparison.  Although I am a convert, my husband and all of my children have been born in good homes under a covenant to the Lord.  I testify that theirs is the greater blessing.  My children only need to recognize the Spirit rather than search for Him in this wide world of philosophies.

    Last year Neil was in the Christmas choir at church.  The director was trying to say our children's names for some reason during practice and was stumbling over Chamrie's and Chiya's pronunciation.  In frustration she finally said, "Whoever heard of ch sounding like a "K"?"  Someone in the group said, "You mean...like Christmas and Choir?"
    Communication is often like that.  We think of something a particular way and express ourselves accordingly.  Sometimes arguments even occur.  When we can step back from our accustomed conversation, we will often find that the disagreements are really agreements but approached from different angles.  Sometimes we can see something that we have always known but never realized, such as a "Ch" having the sound of "K".
    One very difficult thing for people to overcome is automatically responding to their family in the same way that they were raised.  So many of actions and reactions are not because of the interaction of the current family but because of past relationships and interactions.  It takes recognizing it first and then actively pushing through the automatic response.

    Self talk is of great value in overcoming automatic interpretations of others' actions where there has been nothing verbalized.  An example of self talk: You walk into a crowded room of people and they all look at you and stop talking.  Self talk takes over.
    You can say, "Oh, no, what were they saying about me? It must have been awful."  "Oh, dear, I must look an absolute mess!  I should never have tried a new hair style."  Or you can say,  "Wow, I look great tonight, a real show stopper!"
    The power behind self talk is that of your own mind.  Nobody else is adding verbal input to what you decide might be happening.  Many arguments in marriage stems around negative self talk and can be waylaid by controlling our thoughts into the direction we prefer.

    Remember that revelation is communication from God to us.  The same principles of revelation can be applied to communicating with other people.  There are several types of ways that a person takes in information.  It is the job of the communicator to be understood.  That means it falls upon the communicator to get his message across in the way the listener can comprehend at his best level.  Heavenly Father has given us the example of providing many ways his Spirit can reveal his truths to us based upon our ability to understand the message.

Visual, Auditory and Feeling
    If a person is a feeling communicator, his expression of language will be quieter, slower and softer.  If he is a visual then his language will be louder, faster, impulsive and perhaps more abrupt.  If he is an auditory learner then the speech will be more even, thought out, and have more of a lecture or teaching quality to it.
    Words used by a feeler will imply feelings either external, outside of himself, or internal, within himself.  For instance, "I feel that buying this car would be the most comfortable decision."  An auditory person would approach the same sale with, "I understand that buying this car would be a wise decision."  A visual person would say something more like, "I can see that buying this car would show success."
    The biggest difficulty in communication is often between the feeling and the seeing communicators.  It can be overwhelming to a feeling husband to have his wife come in and start talking about this wonderful car she wants to buy because it is red and shiny and cool looking.  (Is this a trite example?  But it gets the point across.)  He would likely tune her out entirely just to protect his sensations.  It is much easier to match a kinesthetic (feeling) person in softness, speed and intensity of conversation and then to bring him up to an auditory level which is good meeting ground between the visual and the kinesthetic.
    For years I had difficulty getting Neil to answer what seemed to me to be a simple question.  "What do you think about....?"  After learning about communication I still always find myself asking. "What do you think about...?" and then immediately changing it to, "What do you feel about?"  That simple change made all the difference in the world in his ability to respond to the question.  Neil is not an auditory person unless he is teaching or conducting.  By asking what he thought (auditory) he had to check down (feeling is downward) to find out how he felt.  Then he looked up (visual is up) to find out if that looked right.  Then his eyes looked down again to double check the answer before he could look straight at me (straight is auditory) and finally answer.  Sometimes he would get lost in the bounce between feeling and seeing.  By changing the question to "How do you feel about...?" he could go straight from the feeling to the talking with an occasional jump into visual just to be sure.
    Now, as in receiving revelation, people rarely use only one method of communication.  A man may be kinesthetic at home and auditory at work.  He may regularly tap into all three levels at once.  The best public speakers can use all forms of communication and thus touch the lives of nearly all of the hearers in one way or another.  A person may develop all levels and eventually we will have all levels developed as we strive to be more like our Heavenly Father.

Time Orientation
    The next important thing to know about communication is a person's time orientation.  Some people are future oriented, some present and some are past oriented.  Understanding this about oneself and others helps in goal setting and in healing daily challenges.
    It is a difficult thing to keep one's eye upon eternity, move toward a temporal future goal, be focused in the present and learn from the past.  Yet that is what will allow the best growth.  Heavenly Father can keep all things before him, both past and present, because he has conquered this lesson.  If a person is stuck in only one of the various levels of time then that person is not progressing as fully as he could be with a more whole picture view.  The biggest caution is to those who are both a feeling person and a past oriented person.  They seem to fight depression more than any other.  They should take extra care to move their sights from behind them to ahead.

Optional and Sequential Organization
    Another part of communication is the sequential and the optional person.  Remember that this is just another level added to the types described above.  The sequential person likes things to be done orderly and clearly defined.  The optional person can deviate from a plan without falling into frustration.  A person can develop both techniques but is usually more comfortable with only one.  If I give my husband a list, he will buy directly from that list.  If it is not there, he might buy one or two extra things but that is it.  I can go to the store with a mental awareness of what the family needs and shop, changing as something else seems better.  Creating a specific food shopping list is very difficult for me.  I'd rather put down the meals: spaghetti, soup, chicken and rice, and fill in the blanks.
    Imagine an excellently well-kept home.  The best way to accomplish this is to be a combination of sequential and optional.  Through a routine, which is sequential, one can do many tasks without even thinking.  However, after a big party or some other change in normal living, and with children that happens daily, optional kicking in to get past the stress of routines being out of order really saves the sanity.

Logic and Creative
    The last main category would be logic and creative.  In logic we think if something works once it should work again.  This is good for many things but not for all things.  In creativity is found the attitude, "If something doesn't work, try something else."  Most people, once they find something that works will be logical and continue in that.  However, if something doesn't work, they are more likely to keep repeating the process rather than changing methods.  Finding a balance between logic and creativity is another challenge in communication and growth.

Chamrie
    When Chamrie was seven years old, her Grandmother Logan had been dead for two-and-a-half years.  I was working at the computer with some gentle classical music playing and Chamrie was dancing ballet movements in the other room.  I looked up at one point to find her lying on the floor and quietly crying.
    I asked what was wrong and she said that the music reminded her of the music when Grandma died.  She missed her.  I helped her fill with light and tell Heavenly Father that she missed her grandmother.
    Then she said, "Grandma was right here.  She told me that she was very busy teaching people, and that she loves me very much.  Grandma was happy to be working."

Chiya
    When Chiya was almost four years old, she was feeling left out because of my involvement with the elementary age children.  I knelt by her bed one night and asked her to connect cords from her heart to my heart.  This was to help her visualize the relationship between us.
    She said she couldn't.
    I asked her to see if she could see the pretty bright light.  She said no that it was black.  I asked her to see if she could make it white.
    "No.  Now it is red."
    "Is it a good red like love?"
    "No it is angry."
    "Can you change it to blue (which could symbolize peace)? Or green (which could symbolize healing)?"
    "No, now it is pink and pretty, better than the red, now it is blue ... Now it is white."    She held me close and was happy.
    Simply by accessing the spiritual eyes, Chiya could heal and release the anger.  The spirit of man desires most above all things to be returned to a joyful state and when little children are given the opportunity to truly forgive the weaknesses of their parents, they will do so unconditionally.  The rest of us must overcome things like pride and fear and become like a little child in order to heal so easily.
    When Chiya was five-and-a-half years old, she was saying her evening prayers aloud with her daddy after studying how to communicate with Heavenly Father.  Chiya said that she could see Marshall with Heavenly Father, Heavenly Mother and Jesus.
    "Do you know Marshall?" asked her dad.
    "Yes, first he was with Chani, then he was with Ben, then he was with Chamrie and then he was with me."
    "Was he with Nathan?"  Nathan is our son who follows Chiya in birth order.
    "I don't know," said Chiya.  We felt clearly that she didn't know because she was already here and didn't see if Marshall brought Nathan as well.

    I clearly remember my mother giving me something I wanted intensely.   I forget what it was, but I do remember her reaction to my reaction as I received this desired gift.  She was deeply hurt because I just said, "Oh, thank you."  I never get to jumping up and down and showing excitement over anything.  I feel it inside but it comes out as a quietness instead.
    In fact, you can tell when Neil and I are really having that every other year argument because suddenly he starts talking and I stop.  I don't say a word.  That means there is serious trouble in the air.  I try to not get to the point of crying over upsetting or touching moments because then I have a hard time stopping the tears from flowing.
    I have learned to laugh easily because of being married to Neil for all these years and I enjoy the happier feelings of life.  Before that I usually smiled, just feeling the feeling but not showing it much.  Chiya and Ben are like me in that way.  Chamrie is more expressive.  The others are more middle of the road.  It doesn't mean that the emotions are not felt, only that the stronger the feelings the less likely the verbal response.  My dear mother was so disappointed because she was looking forward to the excitement over the gift and all she got was my quiet thanks.

    When I had complete thyroid failure, I was right on death's edge and frightened my doctor, Neil and myself more than I care to remember.  There were two probably permanent effects as a result that have been very painful or frustrating for me.  The first was a rapid and possibly permanent increase in my weight.
    The second was a loss of articulation.  It is not as bad now as before the medication took effect, but still, recalling the words of daily life is sometimes almost impossible.  At the worst point in the illness I remember looking at a chair and for the life of me, I could not find that word anywhere in my mind.  The search pattern for memory and language was nonexistent.
    My speech was slurred and my tongue thickened.  That has cleared up, but there are still frequently times when I simply cannot recall words I know, and having been very articulate this has been frustrating for me.
    In our country we have moved through various age: through agrarian, industrial and now the communication era.  What a wonderful time to live in as far as the language and knowledge available to us is concerned.
    We also live in a time when words are used to sway, blind and form us in a way never possible before.  The media is loaded with language that would never have been brought into our homes before, but is now a daily and even constant occurrence.  There is a flood of rudeness among TV children, contempt between TV spouses, and vulgar conversations.
    Two years ago, Neil and I sat in our living room watching a movie we thoroughly enjoyed.  Ben and Chani, then ages ten and twelve, were watching it with us for the first time. Thinking that the sexual contact was minimal we were not paying much attention to their reaction.
    The two were sitting together and finally in desperation, trying to understand what was being said after a line of, "You can eat it...but it tastes like...!"  They turned to us and asked what does that mean?
    Surprised, I said, "Poop, it tastes like poop."
    "Oh, gross," Ben said. "Who would eat poop?"  Afterward, I marveled that I had ten and twelve-year-old children who that hadn't a clue as to that common vulgar word.  This is not the case now as the younger children have learned from their siblings.  They also know that such words simply don't belong in our vocabulary.
    I have come along way in relaxing my language.  I have always had trouble using most slang.  I don't know why, but I am more likely to use full and correct terms.  When Chani was about two, Neil's brother heard me talking to her.  I said something about Chani going to the refrigerator.  He laughed and told me that she wouldn't understand such big words.  That struck me as odd, but at the time he had no children.  I suppose he didn't realize that children learn exactly the words their parents use despite the size or meaning.
    For years we used the term "bowel movement."  With a house full of children, that becomes a daily word.  Finally I could change the term to "poop."  It took forever to allow myself to use that very innocent slang word.
    My sister speaks very differently than I do.  She uses more earthy words in her descriptions and we laughingly disagree about the difference in the terms.  I don't like her using "boob" in my home as we use "breast."  Her expression for passing gas is impossible for me to even type let alone repeat.  She tells me it is just a word and she is absolutely right.
    When we moved to Utah my four-year-old, Ryan, came into my bedroom and asked me if we were a Bolshevik family.  "A what?" I responded.
    "A Bolshevik family."
    I was even more confused and again I asked and again he responded the same.  Finally, in confused desperation I asked, "Ryan, what does that mean?"
    He looked at me and wrinkled his forehead in concentration.  "A happy family?"
    "Then I guess so!"  I almost sighed with relief that this deciphering was over when Chani poked her head into the room.  I asked Ryan to repeat the question to Chani.  When he did, Chani laughed and clapped her hand over her mouth.
    "Mom, the neighbor child was using the words "bull..." and that is what Ryan is asking."
    Caught in the middle of the humor of the exchange and still wanting to teach my son that we don't say that particular phrase I said, "Ryan, we don't ever say that."
    In the sweetest and most agreeable voice he said, "OK!  I'll go and tell my friend and beat him up!" Ryan ran out the door with me chasing after him trying to explain that we don't beat people up either!
    There was a study done several years ago on how the human body's electrical system responds at the time of death.  A group of scientists used a machine attached to some critically ill patients and in a separate room monitored the electrical output of the patients' last few days of life.  The machine had a center of zero with a negative sign on one end and a positive sign on the other.
    The scientists report on one man in particular who was very angry, demanding and rude to all who came near him.  His language was negative, depressing and insulting.  The needle on the machine would constantly register on the negative side whenever he spoke.
    Another patient was a woman who was kind, thoughtful and inspiring in her conversation.  The needle registered all the way over on the positive whenever she exerted her energy in speech.
    Once I spent three days with a young woman who had spent time in jail because of her drug use.  This woman was kind and well-meaning in character.  However, in three days she didn't use even one adjective or adverb.
    Quite sincerely, her sentences consisted of a noun and a verb and the rest of every phrase was made up of various forms of the worst vulgarity.  I found that by the end of the three days, I literally had to turn and go the other way when I saw her coming because as well-meaning as she was, I felt I could not physically stand another conversation with her.
    That was a reaction I never would have suspected of myself.  While language has always been important to me, I had never been overly bothered by other people's language, although I am greatly irritated by it in the media.  However, the constant bombardment of the negative words from her lips were more than I could take.
    Words are so powerful.  All our lives there are certain sentences we will remember and feel intensely each time we recall them.  Have you ever watched sign language?  I think the most beautiful singing of my church hymns was when I could also see those words expressed by a group of signers.  The grace and physical expression of the wonderful words and music was deeply moving.  The language of our lives can be just as beautiful and graceful if we lend our hearts and attention to the expressions we utter.

    When Neil or I have a problem to discuss with the children it usually deals with obedience, household chores, attitudes or getting along with each other.  No matter what the problem we will hear a chorus of voices that say, "I didn't...!"
    When we hear this, our common expression is, "I'm not talking to you then, am I?"
    Somebody will call on the phone for one of us.  After we are finished, a child will say, "Who was that?" and we will answer.  By the time the fourth child asks who it was we have hit the end of communicative patience and say, "It doesn't concern you!"
    When the children were young, they had to go to bed while the sun was still up in the summer.  Saying it was night time obviously would not work, so we would tell them that, "You go to bed by the clock, not the sun."
    Another famous family line concerns basic morning routine.  We have had the same routine for as long as we have had children.  The children can recite the routine in unison.  "Get up.  Get dressed.  Clean your room.  Do your jobs.  Eat breakfast.  Play until scripture study." For the people with kitchen duty their jobs follow the breakfast meal.  This appears a pretty straightforward phrase.  The children know it forward and backward.  They know exactly what it means but they still manage to go straight from the "get up" to the "play" without even a blink at the missed steps.  This causes the most common daytime phrase: "Do your jobs!"
    Another favorite comes from the children trying to talk to the parents who are on the phone.  They will attempt it.  I will shake my head.  They will persist.  I will shake harder.  When that doesn't work, I finally say, "Stop talking to me when I am on the phone."  They ignore me and ask again and finally I will say, "go away!"  Then Chani will pull the strangest tactic.  She resorts to sign language with a smile on her face!  To which in desperation I will explode, "That is louder than anything else!"
    The grossest common phrases are, "Never, ever pick your nose!  Now, don't wipe it on the furniture!  NO! Never eat it!"  In connection with this is the most frustrating phrase, "Get in here and flush the toilet!"
    There are a few members of our family that frequently hear, "Get out of the bathroom, now!"
    Repeated frequently is the simple phrase born from frustration over constant television questions, "Will you be quiet and just watch!"
    Of course the most common constantly used phrase remains, "Kneel down!  Fold your arms!  Bow your head!  Close your eyes!" followed by, "It's PRAYER time, close your mouths!"

    Because so much of our interaction with people is verbal when we hinder the verbal in some way, we become insecure in our ability to communicate.  Often we shut down entirely and do not even attempt to talk.  When somebody we love has become old and can no longer speak loudly, we often stop speaking as well although the love remains.  Because the baby cannot speak back to us, we sometimes forget to speak to the infant.
    A variant of this is when we are around somebody who does not speak our language or speaks it haltingly.  Many people tend to not attempt communication with those they have trouble understanding.  While I understood this, I was surprised when I found people who knew a foreign language but would not translate or speak it because it had been years since they had used the language.  Yes, it can be hard to recapture words that you once knew, but certainly one has the advantage over those who never even knew the language.
    One of the most memorable family in our lives was the Chavez family in Kansas City.  When Sister Chavez and her large family showed up at our ward they did not speak English.  My husband was willing to translate for them in church and was assigned to them as home teacher.  I would go along on the visits.  We ended up visiting with this family every Sunday evening for two years.
    At first it was difficult for me.  I had taken Spanish in school but had done extremely poorly at the studies.  I never could get the hang of anything past the very beginning lessons.  I found that as I grew to know and love this remarkable family, I understood them more.  Even more incredible was that they understood me. One day while attempting to speak in their language, Raquel stopped me.  Amid laughter and foggy conversation it came out that it was better for them if I would please speak English.  They understood me better that way.
    However, Neil was to continue speaking Spanish as they understood him better that way.  We dropped a very small and nearly unseen barrier that day as we laughed and realized that the words were not as vital as the joyful friendships.
    When our Marshall was in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, another little baby was brought in.  We were there one day when the mother was gone and the father called to see how his little baby was doing.  This is such a heartbreaking experience and the life and death moments are always present and often changing in a flash.  He wanted so much to know that his little one was OK.  He just happened to call when nobody present could speak Spanish.
    How grateful I was that my husband had the courage to "interfere" and volunteer his voice to comfort and inform the father about the little baby.  Stepping outside of oneself, especially in times of personal grief and struggle, is never easy.  That day it brought such a sense of joy to be able to help another that it was well worth the effort.
    We have had several Japanese students and a few French students stay with us for a few weeks at a time.  Not only the language but the culture was quite different.  We enjoyed having them stay and teach us some of their words.  Mostly we delighted in the game of making each other understand through forgetting our pride and using funny antics and charades.  I noticed that with the children the language barrier really did not seem to lessen their overall thrill at having a new friend stay at their home.
    That was a different experience from the one with the Chavez family.  With the Chavez', we were just working on communication, mostly in the Spanish language. The Japanese students came wanting us to speak English as part of their studies and we had to be patient in an entirely different way than when we were the ones learning.
    We had an elderly woman, named Marina, stay with us for two years.  Marina had an excellent command of the written English language.  However, she pronounced the words she read as she would if she were speaking Spanish.  I learned that when she had trouble understanding me, if I would pronounce the word with the Spanish vowels, she would know just what I was saying.
    Having her around constantly for two years helped me move past speaking baby Spanish into speaking toddler Spanish.  More importantly, it solidified the knowledge that I began to learn with the Chavez', that it mattered less how one got the point across than that one tried.  I lost my insecurity and embarrassment over not being able to speak the language and can now jump right in knowing I'll make mistakes and that it doesn't matter.

    Children really do learn by the guidelines their parents set.  If a mother is persistent in what is acceptable, they will still try all kinds of techniques to get her to go their way, but inside they have come to expect a certain reaction from her.
    Chamrie is a great one for this.  When she was ten-and-a-half  and when her job was cleaning the kitchen and doing the dishes, she would come up with the most amusing reasons for not doing what she should be doing.  Once she and Ben were supposed to do the kitchen work as a team, but they were always arguing.  We then divided the job and one had it one day and the other the next day.
    Chamrie would take forever to do the job, unless of course, she wanted to go somewhere and then it would take only a matter of minutes!  It was really frustrating for us.  One day she looked at me and explained matter-of-factly, and in a very kind way, that it was a stage she was going through.  "All children my age in the current generation go through this stage.  If you want to avoid the frustration then you should do my job until I outgrow this stage.  After all it would be the best thing for everybody."
    What?! Our lives would be over if we gave into that reasoning.  We would have to wait upon all our children for the rest of eternity and deserve it!  So of course we didn't.  It did bring a smile to our faces though.
    After that she tried, "You only see what isn't done, not what I have done and how good a job it is...." She might have cleared and wiped the counters but left the kitchen floor, trash, all dirty dishes, kitchen table undone and been at the job for two-and-a-half hours but after all she had done something.  We couldn't fall into that one either.
    Then came, "You don't treat the others like this, they all have easier jobs, they never get in trouble for not doing their jobs..."   We couldn't buy that one either.
    Finally would come, "All I need is a hug, and help with the job to prove that you love me...I cry myself to sleep every night because you don't love me..."  Sounds like a movie, right?  These rationales would follow one after another throughout the time it took her to do the job
    However, let another adult come into the home to help in an emergency or let it be the job of the other children and she would be the most adamant about sticking to how things should be done according to our household pattern.

    Children bring challenges.  There is no doubt about that whatsoever.  Some of these challenges are fleeting such as colic and keeping them from sticking their fingers into the wall sockets.  Other challenges are daily struggles for the entire life of the child, such as the question of, "Do I let go in this or do I continue to hold his hand a while longer?"
    Writing on the walls is a frustrating child behavior that seems to grow right along with the child.  When they are young, they scribble on the wall and you think they'll never grow out of it.  Then they get older.  Next they start learning to draw pictures and it is back to the wall.  Again they grow older.  They learn their letters and the wall gets attacked again.  They continue to grow and can write their names.  You know they can do this because the wall can now spell.
    Then they get older again, and smarter, and the wall now has a sibling's name on it instead of the true culprit's.  I imagine that someday I will find that my older child has lost all sense of reason and has written the name of a current heartthrob upon the bedroom wall.
    Now this process is frustrating enough as it stands, but add several children at various ages of wall creativity and you can see how great this challenge can be.  We have a standing "extra job" for discipline in our home.  Can you guess what kind of cleaning that might be?
    I used to hear, "Wait until your children are teenagers," curse.  Now that I have three teens I am beginning to understand something about the matter.  Their basic character doesn't really change provided addiction doesn't enter the picture.  It develops and intensifies but the way they respond to things is much the same as before.
    Chani is still an easy daughter to deal with.  She has become more vocal about something she disagrees with but she deals with things in a quiet, gentle manner with an amused smile.  She also sometimes still seems to be in a vaguely undefined world and we wonder where her cognizant self might be hiding.
    Ben's character is basically the same as it has always been.  He is more of a tease than before, sometimes actually an irritant.  However, he does it quietly and unceasingly which would match his shy, repetitive nature.  When he rebels, he still does it by quietly not doing or by whining loudly and more forcefully than before, but using the same methods as his early childhood.
    Chamrie is the more typical frustrating, "What do I do about her now," teen.  However,  this is totally within her character.  She has always been an extremely intelligent, independent, and, "I already know how," child.  She is in many ways the most capable young person I have ever met.
    She will use verbal debate to make a point and no matter how outrageous it is she will absolutely believe it until she comes around on her own.  When verbal reasoning doesn't work, she'll try a more emotional approach such as, "I am going through a stage and if you want to avoid contention you will do my work until I grow out of the stage."  That didn't work so next came, "You don't understand me and never listen to me and treat me worse than you do the other children."  And so forth.
    Luckily for her, she is so much like I was that it will be easier for her then it was for me and my poor mother.  My mother was quieter and less emotional than I was and she was at a loss about what to do with me!  I never did the nightmare things like drugs and such but there was  a lot of arguing between my mother and me.
    I am trying to teach my children that they will rebel.  We all do in one way or another.  Look at me; I have a big family, Home school, homebirth and so forth.  This is major rebellion for the norm of the day.  I just try to teach them to choose their rebellions.  I hope they choose to rebel against those norms that interfere with their eternal well-being and not against the things of eternal life.
    I am no longer afraid of teenhood although I am always worried about how they'll be able to get through the wolves and pits that will undoubtedly appear.  I have noticed that the true problem with teens is that as a parent we suddenly find ourselves being told that we did not say or that we did say exactly what we know we did say or did not say.  We become so confused with the complete conviction of our youth's declaration of our very words that we start to seek confirmation with other adults and children.  "I did say that didn't I?"  Thus, the seeds of parental insanity during the teen years are planted.
    The challenges do seem as though they will never end.  Then suddenly, there is made known to the parent some remarkable thing their beloved child did that renews the strength to persevere.  I received such a phone call one day.
    Chani, Ben and Chamrie were attending Benjamin Franklin Academy, a private academy that supplements Home schooling.  The school met for twelve hours a week and most of the students in this particular branch were LDS.
    The assistant director, my friend Lynn Sanchez, called to tell me about my daughter Chamrie.  There were two new girls at the academy who were not LDS.  One was Jewish and the other was Catholic.  Some of the most verbal young girls at the school were teasing the newcomers mercilessly, attacking them based on their religious differences.  My Chamrie not only refused to participate in such activity but she boldly stood up for the two young girls and befriended them when nobody else would make the effort.  The two girls remained Chamrie's dear friends ever after.  I was so pleased with her courage and compassion.  I rejoiced and let Heavenly Father know that I knew what an angel he had sent into my family.

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