I love nursing my babies and encourage and help anybody I can to do so.  However, nursing isn't what makes you a mother.  It is that sweet baby cuddled in your arms whether nursed or bottled.

Sometimes it may come across otherwise when women who haven't nursed listen to nursing mother talk about the experience.  I know with all my heart that the focus is truly the baby.  I never could nurse my little Marshall.  He was my son and my attachment to him was intense and my love for him deep and abiding.  Even feeling that way I still grieved because he couldn't take what little milk I tried to pump for him. After he died, I had to empty my little freezer which was overflowing with milk stored in the hope of his returning home in my arms.

As this chapter unfolds, I hope all of you who have grieved over a nursing situation will be filled with the Spirit intended in the writing.  I have grieved with you.

Nursing does not come easy to everybody.  It didn't come easy for me.  Marshall's arrival brought my first experience with this marvel.  I pumped for the eight weeks of his life but he was never healthy enough to take the milk.  I would watch the quantity of milk expressed change according to the seriousness of Marshall's day.

When Chani came she was a healthy little girl who had no interest in opening her mouth to nurse.  She would purse her little mouth and try to nurse with just her lips.  She was born at 7:30 on a Wednesday evening.  By Sunday I was in pain and in constant tears because she still hadn't nursed.

I had talked to Le Leche League and they simply said that when she was hungry she would nurse. This was hardly as much education as I needed but it did keep my going.  My midwife had me give her only a very little bit of water to try to keep jaundice down.  Lynn, my friend who had been at Chani's birth, came to visit us on Saturday.  Her son, JoJo, was then a nursing baby.  She took little Chani and put her to her own breast.  Chani nursed hungrily and easily.  I cried some more.

Sunday I alternated hot showers and ice packs to get some swelling down.  Finally at midnight my daughter started to nurse, she emptied both breasts and took a few ounces of water.  She nursed easily for the next thirty-five months.  If I had given up, I would have missed out on a most important part of my life.  I don't know if I would ever have believed it possible for me to nurse any other baby.

Ben was only four-and-a-half pounds when I brought him home from the hospital.  If Chani wasn't still nursing through the four weeks of his hospitalization and more especially if I hadn't learned with her I doubt that I could have managed nursing Ben.  It is very possible he wouldn't have made if without breast milk as he was allergic to everything except my milk and that was with me on a special diet.

Oh, I cried often over my new babies and nursing.  Sometimes I wondered if crying and nursing in the early days isn't part of the bonding process.  As the tears would stream down my face my milk would let down and the problems would begin to solve themselves.  Eventually, tears were no longer needed but in any nursing relationship there are frustrations and softening of hearts.

By the time my eleven pound Cheyanne arrived and of course being my 8th baby, I finally had one that needed no 'training'.  What a joy that big baby was from the very beginning!  I like big babies!  My heartbreak came when she cheerfully and emphatically decided to wean at seventeen months.  The heartbreak was tempered with knowing that she was content and secure in her family.

We had a foster baby after Marshall died and before Chani was born.  Neil was holding the baby one evening when he called for me to, "Come and see!"  He was laughing as he called out and I hurried in to see what was going on.  The little bottle-fed baby had grabbed Neil's nose as he snuggled with her and was trying to suck.

This little baby would turn her head away from our chests to find the bottle instead of turning toward it as nursed babies do.   I suggest to mothers who bottle feed their baby that they bring the bottle to their baby from above, moving downwards along their chest.  That way the baby will feed turned toward the mother rather than away.

When Ben was born ten weeks premature, Chani was exactly two years old.  She was still nursing two times per day.  Chani increased her nursings for her little brother.  I also got an electric pump for the four weeks he was in the hospital.  This gave me an unusually abundant supply for a mother of a hospitalized premie.

When he came home, he weighed four pounds and nine ounces.  He was nursing 100 percent.  I had been concerned when he was first beginning to take milk because the process is for a premie to first take breastmilk from a bottle.  Then when they can hold their weight have them start nursing.  I was worried that he would attach to the way milk came out of the bottle and not want to nurse.  The neonatologist that we had eased my mind by telling me, "Mrs. Logan, if all you offer him is the breast than that is what he will use."

This neonatologist knew how vital it was for premies to get enough nourishment.  He knew how little strength they had.  He also knew that mother's milk was the best thing for these tiny babies.  So, both of us struggled and we both succeeded, but not without tears, worry and lots of faith.

Ben was very tiny.  We would have to wrap him in lots of receiving blankets just to have a secure hold.  I have rounded nipples rather than average shape so that made some things very difficult. But since I was experienced with my body, we worked around it.  I nursed him in a chair and in the bed.  His suck was about like Chani's.  He ate more frequently and for a shorter time.  He didn't want any noisy distractions.  He didn't like me to talk and never wanted me to sing.

I have one breast that lets down easier than the other.  That side was good so that he didn't need to put out much energy in nursing.  However, the other side let the milk out at a rate that was easier for him to handle.  I always gave him three breasts.  He had first one side, then the other side and than back to the first while waiting for a let down on all.

The first three months went really well.  Then allergies to things I had eaten quickly set in.  The first culprit was chocolate.  By the time we had discovered all the things he was allergic to I could only eat potatoes, white bread, white rice and meat.  Anything else would cause him to projectile vomit within seconds of nursing.  It could be seen by the vomit that he was getting enough milk.

Before I had to work around Ben's allergies, we had been lacto-vegetarian for several years.  Thus, our diet changed dramatically to suit our little son.  Ben could only take breast milk and that was only breast milk from a mother following a strict diet.  When he was one year, he had nearly tripled his birth weight but that only put him at about eleven-and-a-half pounds.  Considering that my eighth baby weighed eleven pounds at birth one can see the wide range of sizes we have cared for.

Ben got over the allergies just before his first birthday.  This was a tremendous relief as I when I was twenty weeks pregnant with Chamrie my milk dried up.  This was barely a month after Ben could eat solid foods.  I knew he still needed the nursing and since I didn't have any milk I had to find a supplement that he could take.

For four months I cried as I held him to me.  He would turn his head and give suck on the bottle for a few minutes.  Then he would turn to my breast and nurse for a few minutes.  This pattern continued back and forth until Chamrie's birth.  Remember that although he was a year old his size was that if a three-month infant.  The day Chamrie was born I threw away the bottle and nursed them both.

He has always been slender and small.  A good part of his growth pattern is hereditary.  He still prefers to eat small quantities and to do so frequently.  He eats on the run, stopping for a bite and a sip and then off on some personal errand.

I don't know how he would have survived the feeding schedule of a publicly schooled child. He is a very active boy.  He has little long term endurance but he regenerates quickly.  The older he gets the more stamina he has.  His biggest problem because of his eating pattern is that there is no fat on his body to insulate him from cold or protect from heat.  He doesn't drink enough water so he is usually slightly dehydrated.

Ben nursed for thirty months and with my whole heart I wish I had let him nurse for an additional six months.  By the time he was weaned Chamrie was a year old and I had just become pregnant with Chiya.  It seemed reasonable to wean him but I am sure he needed the unique physical contact for a while longer.  I feel my son's life and peace during those first two years was due to a series of miracles and to my nursing him.

It was once thought that breastmilk couldn't possibly have all that was needed for premature babies.  They believed that the babies needed some kind of supplementation to be really healthy.  After further study, it was found that the breastmilk of a full-term mother had a different composition from the milk of a premie's mother.  It seems that there is some internal mechanism that allows the mother to produce exactly what her baby needs.

They used to supplement iron to babies because it was the one ingredient missing from mother's milk.  Later it was found that iron given under age of six months might be a contributing factor in crib death.  So they recommended that babies under six months not be given formula with iron or iron drops.  Of course, there are always exceptions just as there are uninformed or unwilling to change doctors.

I think it is fascinating and faith building that our bodies work so well so often.  It is frustrating when our own bodies don't come through as planned.  Certainly I have experienced that often enough with my threatening premature births each pregnancy.  However, the norm out there tells us that there is more then just chance that causes the body to behave as expected.

Engorgement is painful and all nursing mothers experience it.  When it happens, you want to be sure the baby nurses on the sore side as much as possible.  You might want to change her position slightly so there is a different suction on the various milk glands.  The milk in an engorged breast is normal and healthy for the baby.

As the baby nurses, put your free hand behind the sore, engorged area.  By using a very tender pressure applied in the direction of the nipple, you will help the draining of that duct.  Sometimes a heating pad for a few minutes will help open a duct.  As the baby nurses, there will be an overwhelming sense of relief but the pain will not go away immediately.  Even after the engorgement ends, some tenderness may continue for a day.

The most likely cause of engorgement is that the baby missed a nursing or two.  The other is that the baby went through a growth spurt.  The breasts are adjusting to the new demand, first by overabundance and then by leveling off.  There are other possible causes.

Is the bra too tight?  Try going without a bra while at home and see if that helps.  Perhaps you haven't been using a bra.  Try wearing one and see if that changes anything.

Is the engorgement on the side you lay while sleeping?  Try a different position.  Have you bumped into something?  This can cause a mild bruise and a duct may temporarily close, causing backup of the milk.

Be sure that while you are giving attention to the sore breast, the other side still gets nursed.  Otherwise, you will have an engorgement on that side about the time the other is relieved.

Milk supply normally goes up and down.  When it is down, the mother needs extra water, rest and nursing.  Those three things are the keys to increasing any milk supply.

A baby has growth spurts at roughly three, six, twelve and sixteen weeks of age.  The week can vary if the baby is larger or smaller than average.  A mother can tell when those growth spurts are occurring because the baby seems terribly hungry and wants to nurse around the clock.  A few days after this spurt the baby's stools may have a greenish color.

If the mother does nurse around the clock and gets both rest and lots of water then within twenty-four to forty-eight hours her milk supply will have increased to meet the baby's needs. It is important to resist the temptation to use either a pacifier or a bottle during this time.  The baby's increased hunger causes him to be extra fussy.  This is meant to cause the mother to pick up her child and put him to her breast.  This process causes the milk to increase.  If anything is supplemented during this growth spurt, than it is difficult to get the supply as abundant as the baby needs.

Anytime the mother doesn't get enough sleep her supply can dip.  If she can wear the baby on her chest, the closeness increases the supply.  She can use marshmallow herbal tea or a tea made from the herb Blessed Thistle to increase her milk supply.  The easiest way is simply to increase rest, water and nursing.

Having the baby sleep with the mother will increase their physical contact and this will encourage the milk production.  Another important technique is to offer three breasts.  The concept behind this is that the first let down is lower in fat content then the second side.  By returning to the first side and nursing until another letdown the baby gets the remaining fat enriched milk.

I do not worry about a baby's weight gain if the little one is healthy in appearance and acting normal for that particular child.  Some babies are active and some are passive.  Mothers are aware of their baby's personality.

Is the baby's skin soft and smooth?  Are her feet supple and delicate feeling?  If there is roughness or dryness then the baby may not be getting enough fluid.  That fluid comes from nursing and usually no additional water needs to be given.

Be sure that the baby has a clear nasal passage.  If her nose is not clear than she will nurse and pull off, then nurse again.  It is tiring for the baby and mother as the nursing takes longer but it will still happen.  There are many things that can help her breathe easier.  A Vicks type salve works well.  Somebody other than the mother should apply it to the baby so that no residue gets on the mother's hands which often rest near the baby's eyes.

Neil's mother used onions to clear the mucus.  She cut them, warmed them and put them into a sock.  She then pinned them to the children's nightclothes.  Of course, babies then have a unique fragrant come morning.  Liquid garlic is also a favorite remedy for congestion.  We have also put the liquid garlic or the Vicks on the baby's feet and then put socks on her.  This often works although I haven't the faintest idea why.

Nursing has been a sacred part of life in our family.  As of this moment I have nursed daily for twenty years.  There was one three-week break between Nathan's weaning and Ryan's birth and another four-month break between Cheyanne and Chalae and a third break, three weeks between Chalae and Chrystal.  Other than those breaks nursing has been a nonstop lifestyle for us.

When Chani was a new baby, I was sitting behind a curtain at church while Neil was playing basketball.  A little girl about age five came up to me and wanted to know what I was doing.  I told her that I was nursing and that was how I fed my baby.  She became very serious and loudly declared, "My mom didn't feed me that way!"  Then off she ran.  I don't know if her mom did or did not nurse her but it was funny.

His mother was sitting next to me and gathered him into her lap.  She quietly asked him what was Chani doing.   A very serious little boy said, "Biting her momma."

Nancy then said, "Chani is nursing with her mommy."  You should have seen the look on David's face.  It expressed pure understanding and bonding with my little baby.  Then he settled down for a quick nurse himself.

We had a swivel recliner in the middle of the living room floor and I would just turn it away from guests if I couldn't nurse modestly.  I have become very skilled at modest nursing but there are still moments when it is nearly impossible.

This once a patient arrived and I forgot that I was nursing with my shirt wide open.  I carried on a friendly conversation with the gentleman.  It wasn't until he left that I realized why he was so embarrassed.

At least I'm not the only mother to do something like this.  Neil's mother nursed her eight children.  Neil remembers her nursing the last child when the paperboy came to the door to get paid.  She paid him and then after closing the door realized that she was wide open to view.

They looked at me strangely.  Chani was in my arms nursing.  Thirteen years later I did the same thing while nursing Cheyanne!

The advertisements for formulas often show a mother and her baby.  They then suggest that although breastmilk is best, when it is not possible then formula is close enough.  They show the mother and baby in an intimate setting and the mother dressed in a nightgown.  This is not an honest portrayal of the nursing relationship.  As lovely as the picture may be nursing is far more than just a private contact.  It is a vibrant and healthy interaction of a nature that God, himself has established for the nurturing of his young children.

I have found that the more worried new mothers are about how they appear to others while nursing the more likely they are to interpret any look as negative.  Looks are something we can easily leave to our own interpretation.  Comments, on the other hand, are something quite different.  If someone asks you about finding a better place to take care of that screaming baby, a simple, "No, thank you, I am very comfortable right here," gives the power back to you.  Many times I have seen obviously uncomfortable mothers with crying babies try to find a private place to nurse.  At such times I find myself thinking, "Dear, just sit and take care of that little one."

I am amused at questions concerning nursing older babies.  Not because I find the question silly but because I find that I do not know what an older baby really is.  Certainly there are changes in the baby and in the nursing relationship as the baby grows.  I find that the changes are beneficial to both the baby and the mother in the development of the tender emotions of security and affection.

Sometime after about six months, the nursing relationship changes and becomes more give and take in the interaction.  Until then it was mostly cuddle from the baby and the sweet sacrifice from the mother.  The little baby learns to start giving some of that energy back to mom more deliberately.  The baby begins to play with mom while nursing.

Mostly I consider an older baby to be one who continues to nurse after beginning to walk and even more particularly after they have begun to talk.  One of the hardest things for a baby this age to learn is to wait for something they want.  Nursing helps to bridge that gap between them being the center of all things with immediate gratification and their beginning to function in a family.

The baby can now understand and respond to the things mother says.  She begins to tell him to wait a minute.  He may not like the phrase but he learns it.  He also learns that she will follow through on what she says.  If she says let me finish this then we will nurse he begins to believe that she will do so.  When he is older then she can say, "We will nurse at nap time."  He will be assured that she will keep her word.

When an infant does things like biting it is not a game.  It just happens and they learn to not do that action.  With an older baby there are games that they begin to play with mom and sometimes they hurt.  Such as biting for the response that mom might give.  He will now learn that there are limits about what he may or may not do with another's body.  Biting is not allowed and that can be understood differently by him than when he was a newborn.  The game will then change to one of pretending to bite then smiling or giggling at his own joke with mom.

The older the baby gets the more likely he is to get distracted while nursing.  People talking, doors closing, children playing all will cause him to stop, look and then return to nursing.  The best way to handle this is with the same gentle phrase.  Saying something like, "Nurse," and then drawing him back to the breast will eventually teach him the command.

When a toddler is nursing, then for just those few moments he is still a little one.  All the rest of the time they are definitely older!  It is similar to the child who is sick appearing to be younger than when he is running around and into everything.  Nursing a toddler is having a set moment when you and he can set aside all the normal activity and just connect as when he was tiny and you were his whole world.   He quiets down and becomes peaceful.  It is a time when he wants to turn inward and wants his mother there with him.

Tandem Nursing is when you nurse more than one baby at a time.  When I became pregnant with Ben, my sweet Chani was still an avid nurser.  I just didn't have the heart nor the prompting to wean her.  Sometimes nursing can bring on uterine contractions but this wasn't the case with me.  By the time I began to threaten prematurity, she only nursed two or three times a day and only a few minutes each time.  I decided the threat of such a small amount of nursing was nonexistent.

When Ben was born premature, I found a great relief in having a nursing baby at home.  The closeness each day helped me release the pain of another hospital struggle.  More important was how much it helped me maintain a milk supply for when Ben arrived home.  After that, I was determined that if possible I would nurse through pregnancies in case another little premie arrived.

Once Ben came home, I found that combined nursing of the two helped Chani with the transition of having another little one in her home.  She would see us nurse and would ask about it for her.  I would explain that she would nurse at naptime or bedtime and she would be content to wait.  She knew that her time was coming because Mother had said.

Nursing an older toddler and an infant does no harm to the infant.  The older child nurses only a few minutes a few times per day.  The breasts will produce the milk needed.  It does help the mother to take a few moments each day and totally focus on the older child.  The cuddling keeps the relationship strong.  It is easy to have dad take the older child in his lap and read to her.  Nursing is something only Mom can do.

Chani weaned at thirty-five months.  Nathan also weaned at that age.  It is a long time for most mothers to nurse but I am happiest with the weanings at that age than at any of the earlier ages.  I have regrets, some strong and some mild, when thinking of any other of the children's weanings.  Chani and Nathan left that time in their life at a perfect moment of agreement of both their hearts and mine.

Nursing during a pregnancy can be uncomfortable.  The breasts can be sore from the pregnancy.  About half way through the nipples get sore as the milk turns to colostrum preparing for the coming baby.  I always felt the discomfort, even the pain, was worth enduring for the benefits to both the baby and to myself.

Sometimes the baby weans on her own because the pregnancy hormones change the flavor of the milk.  Cheyanne weaned when she was nineteen months old because she didn't like the colostrum.  While she was completely happy with leaving that time behind, I cried at the loss.  I knew all was well and I was amused at her emphatic 'Uh Uh!' when asked about nursing.  Still, in my heart I felt she was so young!

Some people are concerned about nursing a baby only for comfort.  We take the attitude that you cannot spoil a baby.  We feel that the definition of spoiled is acting like a baby.  That is the only way a baby can act.  Thus we comfort a baby whenever the baby needs it.  Nursing is an excellent way for a mother to comfort.

Comfort nursing is also the term used when the baby nurses and there is little or no milk present.  This happens when a pregnant mother nurses.  Once the milk turns to colostrum there is little substance for the toddler to get but the comfort that comes from the connection is precious.

Comfort nursing happens when an adoptive mother nurses.  The adoptive mother may be able to bring in some milk and if she has ever been pregnant she can bring in a full amount.  When she doesn't have milk then she can still nurse for comfort and the baby will learn that relationship as the mother provides it.

Comfort nursing is most common in the standard relationship when the baby wants to nurse frequently, obviously more than the need for food.  Often this type of nursing is done as the baby sleeps.  It has been found that this is actually beneficial to the baby's digestion.  The small amount of milk that comes with the comfort is enough to activate the digestive enzymes.  Thus, babies with upset stomachs or allergies are helped through extended nursing.

Most often, allergies to a mother's milk is caused by the food she eats.  Finding the foods that are the culprits and eliminating them for three months to a year usually takes care of the problem.  The baby may react by vomiting or by being in pain.  In the first few months it is food such as chocolate, broccoli, cabbage, beans, peanut butter, onions and garlic that could cause gas pains.  Dairy products may cause congestion and may need to be eliminated for a longer period of time.

Once in a while there is a baby who is very intolerant to breastmilk regardless of what foods the mother eats.  Our Ryan was such a baby.  The solution we found for him saved our sanity and broken hearts.  I suspect that if I had known of such a remedy when Ben was nursing things would have been quite different for us all.

Ryan was in pain.  He would nurse a bit and then pull away and then return to nursing.  Afterwards he would cry for the longest time.  Usually abdominal massage is enough to help the baby through this difficult time.  It didn't work with Ryan.

I finally mentioned the problem to my sister-in-law.  She told me to get something called Lactaid Drops.  I was to put a drop or two directly into the baby's mouth every time we began to nurse.  She had needed to do this for about six months and then her baby could digest without the assistance.  She said I would notice a dramatic difference within four hours.

I used the drops and by the very next nursing time I noticed the difference.  My Ryan had stopped pulling away and fighting me.  By the second nursing he was no longer crying!  His pain was gone and he was nursing like all of my other babies.

It cost me fifteen dollars per week for the five months that Ryan needed the drops.  I kept a bottle by the bed, in the diaper bag and in my pocket.  It is simply an aid to assist in the digestion of lactose.  The drops are harmless and made a tremendous impression on us.

Cheyanne used the drops for two months and Chalae didn't need them at all.  There are also pills that can be used by older children.

When my babies begin to eat solids I am very careful that nursing stays their main food.  I nurse them before they eat and often afterwards.  I do not supplement with a formula bottle so my keeping the main focus on nursing is important.

Just because a baby reaches for food and puts it to her mouth doesn't mean that she is ready for the food.  She reaches for everything and puts everything to her mouth.  Add to that natural impulse the fact that food tends to taste good and it is understandable that a baby enjoys the family dinner.

Is there a tongue thrust pushing the food out when you try to feed the baby?  Then it is likely that she is not ready yet.  Does she seem to have an upset tummy as a result of eating?  Then stop for a few weeks.  Are you trying food to make her sleep longer at night?  It rarely works.  Are you starting food because you want somebody else to have the experience of feeding the baby?  There will be years ahead for them to have that experience.  Wait until she is ready and then begin cautiously enough to keep the nursing relationship.

A nursing strike is when the baby refuses to nurse for any reason.  Sometimes the mother has used a different perfume.  Sometimes she has eaten a food which interferes with the taste of the milk.  Sometimes the baby is congested.  Sometimes the baby has a pain while nursing.  Sometimes the mother has frightened the baby in response to being bitten or through yelling at the other children.

There was a study that showed that a very young infant could tell his mother's smell.  Cotton balls were worn between the mothers breasts.  Then the cotton from the mother and another woman were put to either side of the baby.  The baby would turn toward the ball that had his mother's scent.

One of my children especially liked my perfume.  It comforted her so much that when she needed to be baby-sat, the one caring for her would put on the same perfume.  I had a blend made just for me so it never varied.

While I have had children who were allergic to something I have eaten, I never had one who refused to nurse as a result.  However, I did have one who refused because of the change in the milk because of hormones.  They will usually nurse when hungry or sleepy but there may be tears of frustration before they settle down.

Keeping the baby free of congestion is important.  It doesn't stop the nursing because the drive to nurse is nearly as great as the drive to breathe.  What will happen is a starting and stopping.  It can be very frustrating to both the mother and the baby.  It will also take longer for there to be a let down.  I have found that for some reason, once letdown happens the nasal passage often clears up enough to nurse and breathe.

When a baby strikes because of pain it could be his stomach.  Then it is time to rub the abdomen as explained in the third chapter of this book.  As mentioned in that same chapter some babies will refuse to nurse when there is teething pain.  Infant Tylenol will help the pain and then they will nurse again.  As I have mentioned, most of my children will nurse more when they are in pain but there are always those who simply refuse that type of comfort when they are hurting.

Other common pains that interfere with nursing are ear pain, stiff necks and jaw misalignment.  Most often the ear pain is not the kind from an infection.  Rather it is usually from a misalignment of the neck or jaw which interferes with normal drainage.     Chiropractic is a great blessing to the baby when these conditions are present.  Because a baby could have been carried in an unusual position in the womb or had mild to severe mishandling in the instant of birth we recommend that all babies be seen by a Chiropractor.  The kind of doctor to look for is one that has experience with babies, preferable children of his own.  He should be very gently in his technique with the babies.

Sometimes the baby gets frustrated because the milk is letting down too fast.  Sometimes they get impatient because it doesn't let down fast enough.  Sometimes the baby will refuse to nurse a second side and even get angry at the attempts to switch.  The baby will adjust to a nursing pattern eventually.

A mother can help the baby adapt by check to see which breast reacts which way.  Notice if the baby seems to respond differently depending upon which breast they are start.  There is nothing that says you must alternate starting breasts.  If the baby does best always starting on the same side, than develop that pattern.  If the baby does best taking only one breast per feeding then the milk production will adjust to that pattern as well.

The baby may not be ready to nurse, although you think there has been enough time between nursings.  If the baby is older than a newborn the mother may still be responding as if the baby was new and trying to nurse as frequently as before.  Sometimes there is the opposite problem and the mother of a second nurser will try to feed that new baby as infrequent as she remembers feeding her previous one at the time of weaning!  We have to adjust our thinking and automatic response to reflect the needs of the current baby and at her development level.     Cheyanne was exactly like that.  She wanted to nurse for food and nothing else.  When I would try to nurse her and she wasn't ready, she would refuse.  What she wanted was to suck her thumb.  After a period of sucking the thumb and cuddling she would be willing to nurse, or not, depending on her.  She never went hungry and I had to trust her.

The most serious nursing strike and the hardest to overcome, is when the baby stops nursing because the mother has yelled and frightened the baby.  In infants that are auditory babies a mother must be very careful how she conducts her voice level while nursing.  If her tones are too loud or irritated, then the baby may simply refuse to nurse.

This happened to me a few times with Chiya.  The first was the worst because I wasn't sure she was going to pull out of it.  We were taking all of the children to a drive-in for a movie.  The children were all buckled in and Chiya was in her carseat.

Neil was taking forever to come out of the house so I went back in to see what the problem was.  He was on the phone with a patient.  I returned to the car to find the children making so much noise inside the van that I could hear them from inside the house.

Chiya was crying so I took her from the carseat and began to nurse her.  The noise from the children was overwhelming.  I yelled and demanded that they be quiet.  Chiya stopped nursing instantly.

She was young enough to be nursing every two or three hours.  She went about fourteen hours without nursing.  She would be hungry and she would cry for her mommy.  When I would put her to the breast, she would whimper and turn away.  My heart was broken in a way it had never been.

Finally, Neil took her and walked with her.  He comforted her and did some of the emotional clearing mentioned in the fifth chapter.  He gave her a blessing.  Then he came in and told me that she was asleep but the next nursing time she would be ok.  She was.

This happened two other times for nearly the same reason but not for as long a stretch.  We found that Chiya was extremely sensitive to my yelling.  I have always called my yelling, "organizational yelling."  The kind that calls children up from the basement, in from the outside, or is a loud, "Quiet!" to be heard above the masses.  It is never an attack upon the child.  It didn't matter to her.  Mommy's yelling is something she dreads above all else to this very day.

Ben had been sensitive to noise but with only a toddler around us there was never a reason to yell.  Cheyanne was extremely sensitive to my emotions and she gave me one strike for the same reason as Chiya's.  She needed me to be peaceful or she would get upset.  Chani, Chamrie and Ryan didn't care what was going on around them or with me.  Nathan also liked me to only speak in quiet tones while he nursed.  Chalae didn't like me to talk to other people or to read a book while she nursed.  Everybody else could be as loud as they wanted and if I was silent or quietly cooing to her, she would nurse and fall asleep in my arms.

The other common cause of a nursing strike is when the infant bites mommy.  The automatic reaction is to let out a scream!  That will cause the baby to come away from the breast.  The baby will often cry.  Some infants have no trouble with coming back to nurse afterwards.  It is important to be aware that some babies will go into an instant nursing strike even to the point of weaning.

A good friend  found her tiny infant had instantly weaned when she yelled out due to a clamping bite.  The baby cried in surprise and continued to cry herself to sleep.  She never nursed after that.

I know that an automatic yelp is a given when bitten by a baby and I do not believe that a baby should hurt  his mother.  The best pattern I have found to avoid a strike when there has been a bite is this: There will be a normal yelp.  Follow that by a firm No, don't bite.  Then instantly, even if you are hurting, have your voice soften and coo.  Gently bring the baby back to the breast.  Continue in soft tones until the baby relaxes again.

I am not suggesting this pattern to for the baby who is over fourteen months.  By that age they know enough to be set down with a firm, "Don't Bite!"  I would then quickly pick them back up and continue nursing if they still want it.  Babies at that age tend to not wean because of mom's outbursts.

So much of nursing is trial and error.  I think nursing is the first training ground for the mother to discover the personality of her infant.  To be comfortable we need to gain an understanding of each individual baby.  We need to see the patterns in our children, which may be different from the pattern of any other baby.  We can get ideas from other mothers, but in the end we must realize that the Lord sent a unique angel into our homes.  He wants us to go through the process of discovering what works.

During times of stress, I would imagine a cord of light connecting my heart to my nursing baby's heart.  I would send my feelings of love through it and visualize it helping to connect us.  I would stop all outside distractions until the relationship was calmed or reestablished.

I would experiment as much as required.  I would try to nurse the baby before he is hungry.  I would try to wait until the baby was really hungry.  I would try nursing the baby after he has fallen asleep as the nursing response on some babies will take over in their sleep.  I would try laying down with the baby, rocking, singing, silence.  I would find whatever it is that will keep that special relationship from dissolving before the right time.

I nurse my babies for such a long time that I have come to consider their weaning as a training ground for my being able to let them go when they become adults.  There comes a time in the nursing when it begins to seem time to let go.  The happiest weanings were those where the baby is ready the same time I was ready.  The others were comfortable and we knew it was time but I had regrets, wishing that it had lasted just a bit longer.

I feel that a mother should never, ever wean because any other person orders or pushes her to do so.  That relationship is a unique one.  It is not between the husband and the wife.  It is not between the woman and her parents.  It is not between the woman and any other adult in her life.  It is not even between the woman and her other children.  God has made that particular relationship to be exclusively between the mother and her babies.

I feel that it is worth sacrificing to continue that interaction for as long as inspired to do so.  If that means taking the baby with you when you vacation or have that honeymoon getaway, then do so.  If the baby is an older nurser than you can get away for one or two days without ending the nursing.  If the baby is younger then take him.  You can hire a sitter to come along and watch the baby until nursing time.

If it means standing up to a doctor and saying, "Find me a medication that I can take while nursing or forget it."  Do so or change doctors.  If it is life threatening then the Lord will let you know and that inspiration will happen.  With it will come comfort and not the painful regret that perhaps it didn't have to be that way.

Some mothers need to go back to work.  They have been presented with the idea that nursing is all or nothing.  Sadly they
say good bye to that contact.  It doesn't have to be that way.  If a mother only nurses her baby a few times a day then the breasts will produce exactly that amount of milk.  If she nurses when she is home then that is what her production will reflect.  If the nursing is uneven, more at night and none in the day, then she might have a mild engorgement but it will balance out.  If that mother only nurses in the morning in greeting to her child, when she comes home in greeting and at bedtime then that will be the pattern.  Leaving an infant to return to work is agonizing and nursing that little one a few times a day is a great comfort.

Weaning is a sad farewell to a time that will never come again with that child.  It is an important step.  There is eternal wisdom in the experience.  Allow yourself to turn your back upon all criticism that would dictate that farewell before the time the quiet whisper says, "Now, a final tender parting and then a new closeness with this beloved angel."

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