Before Chani was born, Neil's sister Naomi lived with us for a brief while.  She moved out after Chani's birth.  Shortly after that we moved to an apartment.  It was a pleasant two-bedroom place.  We had Chani's crib set up in the second bedroom, but we did not move her into the crib until she was five months old.

As she started moving around, she wanted to explore her world.  It was a comfortably small world, no stairs to fall down and only a handful of places to get lost in.  She did get lost one day.  I was in the kitchen and I heard her call.  I went into the library and looked for my daughter.  I couldn't see her anywhere!

I was a paranoid mother.  I kept all doors locked.  I never let her out of my reach in public, even at church.  She was the most precious angel and I was certain a million enemies lurked just waiting for me to drop my guard so they could snatch my angel away.  Still, I could see no way for anybody to have taken her from my secure upstairs apartment.

I looked everywhere.  How far can a baby get in the few feet that was our living quarters?  I finally found her under a small table surrounded on three sides with books.  She was happy and thrilled with the game.

I was too busy with mothering Chani to ever be bored.  The work involved in a baby is tremendous and time-consuming.  I was grateful for the minutes she let her daddy hold her.

When she was about six months old, Neil started working at nights.  He worked as a security guard for the construction of the San Diego Trolley.  It was an easy job provided you didn't get shot.  It had great pay but horrible hours.  Still, it was a blessing because the money from that job along with some assistance from my parents was what enabled us to find a place to stay once we moved to Kansas City.

Kansas City!  I told in the first chapter how we came to know that the Lord wanted us to move there.  Not only did we use that method of comparing answers to know where to go to school but the Lord even told us in which ward we were to move. We went to the Lord in prayer and told him about the type of place we wanted and the price we could afford.  He told us to call the bishop of the confirmed ward.  We did.

We surprised the bishop by calling.  However, he was glad to know that an active couple would be arriving in a week or so.  When we arrived, he had found a rental for us exactly as we had described.  However, to get in, we had to come up not only with the first and last month's rent but also two more months.  We managed because of the money from that guard job.

Kansas City was an incredible experience for us.  Over the years, the memory of the awesome weather of that land remains the most distinct recollection.  At first we were subdued to find ourselves through inspiration to be living in Jackson County.  It wasn't long though when we sincerely hoped the Lord had not called us back to that spot permanently.  We fully accepted the adage that Misery was the true name of the state.

We arrived in June, fully expecting a small town.  Our view of America was California, and every other western town was simply a way station to vacation spots.  As we came over the rise on the freeway and saw the city before us, we were first surprised to discover that it was big and second to see that it was green.  Green is an understatement.  It was very green!

Neil's very first reaction was, "Their water bills must be enormous to have such green everywhere!"  We barely contained our laughter when at church we overheard the Missourians complaining of the drought they thought they were experiencing.

One brother exclaimed, "My grass is dying!"

Neil, puzzled, asked him why he didn't water the grass.  Their astonished reply was, "Water?"

The heat was steamy.  It was incredibly hot and yet so humid that I was certain the Lord was already burning the life from the county.  The winters were just as horrible in the reverse.  They were cold.  If the only complaint was cold weather, then it would not have been so bad.  However, they were also windy and humid so the temperature was far worse than always expected.  The cold could go right through to the bones in an instant.  Later living in the cold winter of Utah we were pleased to find that because of the dryness the cold was never as horrid as Misery had been.

A firefly would flit through the early evening summer air.  "Lie-nen boogs," one little girl called them.  Cicadas would scream and crawl up the trees and park in straight lines as they left behind the ferocious-looking brown shells of their ugly life for a brief flight in a fresh green body.  Squirrels and rabbits and raccoons and in some areas deer played on the city lawns.  Red cardinals and blue jays were so beautiful against the winter snow.

Missouri was a land of great beauty and interest.  It is sad that it carried the curse of the heat.  I am hopeful that the Lord will change the climate before he wants us to live there again.

Our Chani grew before our very eyes.  She loved having books read.  She loved puzzles.  She loved music.  Most of all she loved animals and their sounds.  We had a book called the King, The Mice and the Cheese.  I would sit with this tiny baby on my lap as she made animal sounds and told the story to me and to anyone who would listen.

We would take our little girl to the movies with us.  We went to see the old movies at one theater.  If there was singing and dancing in the movie, our small child would sit the entire time enthralled with the show.

We became comfortable with being a mother and a father.  Still, we learned that having only one child was tiring.  When Neil was at school, I had to be all and everything for that sweet little girl.  There were always things that got left undone until Dad got home just because I could not do everything plus keep a happy child entertained or cuddled or comforted.  Life with one child can be exhausting.

When I first started to take care of my new daughter, I was certain of one thing, that my entire reputation as a confident and skilled mother would rest with how neat and perfect the diapers looked upon her bottom.  I had made an agreement with Neil and the Lord that I would joyfully have as many children as possible but that I would not wash diapers.  That left either diaper service or disposables.

Diaper service is far more expensive the first month or through the newborn size diapers.  After that, diaper service was cheaper than disposables until you hit the older toddler age.  So, being poor college students, we had diaper service.  For nearly ten years we had nonstop diaper service.  Unfortunately, they did not come with an automatic baby diaperer as well.

My poor Chani.  I would diaper her in these perfectly white bits of cloth only to see that the diaper was on crooked.  I would take it off and start all again.  My sisters-in-law had this fancy twist they put into the cloth diapers and we tried that method.  It worked fine but my ability to have a balanced look to the apparel was even further stinted.

She would cry.  She wanted to eat.  She wanted holding.  She wanted anything except another battle between her mommy and cotton.  Still,  I'd put this cloth diaper on.  It didn't look right.  I'd take it off and redo it.  Worse still, and my baby was really crying by now.  OK, do it again. One track mind here.  I was so embarrassed that somebody would see that diaper in the middle of the night and through her clothes and plastic pants and know what a bad mother I was.   I forget how long it took for me to learn that it just didn't matter, but for what seemed like forever I centered my whole self-worth in that diaper!  After several days I did finally learn that what she was wearing was less important than how she was feeling about life.  I wanted my daughter to enjoy life so I overcame whatever thoughts of diaper pride I had within me.

My poor dear got colic.  She would cry, wanting holding and nursing nearly nonstop when the early evening hours came.  We did not want to ever let her cry it out alone.  We felt that although she was crying and nothing seemed to help, her spirit would be aware of our presence and attempts to support her through any discomfort.  However, it often drove us to near tears ourselves.  We traded off and on.  Neil walked her for a while and then I nursed and rocked her for a while.

Finally, we took our daughter to see Dr. Baum, a chiropractor Neil's mother had met.  He took our daughter and showed us the points to rub to ease her pain.  This works with nearly all babies as most colic is due to underdeveloped intestines, or rather the valves in the intestines sometimes get stuck and pain results.

First, you must be careful how you hold the baby.  You should not hold the baby where any pressure is upon the stomach.  This increases a hiatal hernia reaction where the baby vomits more frequently.  If your baby likes to be held facing outward, then keep a hand under a thigh or the bottom for the little one to sit.

Second, you can massage the immature abdomen of the little one.  Taking your first two fingers, massage with gentle downward motions over the belly.

Next the pyloric valve is where the stomach empties into the small intestines.  You will find this in the middle of a line imagined from the belly button to the outer part of the lowest right rib.  Rub this area in a circular manner.  You will have to rub fairly deeply on the baby.  This can be difficult to do when the baby is crying because the stomach muscles are so tight.  When the baby is relaxing, it is easier to get in and do the massage.

Then comes the ileocecal valve.  This is where the smaller intestines empty into the large intestines.  This spot can be found in the middle of an imaginary line drawn from the top of the right hipbone to the belly button.  Massage this spot in a circular manner as well.  Sometimes you can even feel the gas bubbles travel under your fingers.

Lastly there is an area on the exact opposite side from the ileocecal valve point.  Massage this area in a downward motion, or hold this point and pull downward.

When there is not enough relief from doing these points then you might also want to try a simple enzyme product called Lact-aid Drops.  Some babies have trouble with digesting.  Sometimes it is a direct problem with the milk itself and sometimes it is something the mother has eaten and is effecting the milk.  Placing one or two drops of lact-aid in the baby's mouth before each nursing episode will have immediate results if this is the problem.  You will notice a difference usually by the next feeding and certainly within twenty-four hours.

Some babies are in pain because of trauma caused at the birth.  A chiropractor skilled in working with babies can do wonders to relieve this discomfort.  Babies heal very quickly and usually after one visit will be comfortable and happy again.

A friend of mine once was in tears because her baby was having problems nursing.  She had been nursing with no problem and then after getting the immunization shot she refused her mommy on one side.  I asked the mother if the baby would nurse there if held in a different position, the football hold, where the neck did not need to turn in that direction.  The baby did fine in that position.  Neil checked the baby and with a simple, gentle movement, the baby could turn her head and began immediately to nurse from the refused side.

We met one of our closest friends as she walked with her family around our block.  In the stroller was her little daughter who was not quite three months old.  After finding out that Neil was a chiropractor and hearing a few stories of how babies have responded to him over the years, she walked on.

The next day she appeared again and this time came right up to the house and knocked on our door.  She came into our living room and handed her little daughter to my husband and said, "Fix her."  Her little girl could not lift her head.  It was cranked over to one side and there she kept it nearly all of the time.  The doctor was not concerned saying that it all would be OK, just give it me.  However, this mother already had several children and knew something was not right.  Her daughter cried in pain a tremendous amount of the time.

Neil felt the baby's neck and it was very stiff.  He worked on her but not without causing the little one to cry, which rarely happens when he treats the babies.  The mother left and child left.

The next day she and her baby and her husband appeared at our door!  "Oh no!" I thought.  "He is angry that Neil treated his baby."

Jay and Yvonne came in along with their daughter.  Jay sat in our living room and expressed his gratitude.  He didn't know what Neil had done but after Yvonne had been to see Neil their little Angie had smiled for the first time.  She had gone to sleep, happy for the first time, not in painful tears.  Thus, began one of our deepest friendships.

I learned that being a mother meant lots of brainstorming.  This is very true in the nursing relationship.  For instance, some babies are sensitive to things the mother has eaten.  The list can be endless: broccoli, cauliflower, garlic, onion, peanut butter, chocolate, milk, any dairy, beans and most anything else you can imagine.  Discovering what the offending foods are is quite a trial.

With Chani it was dairy products and chocolate.  If I had milk in my cereal in the morning, she was fine.  If I had milk after the noon hour then that evening she would be congested.

With Ben, it was chocolate, dairy products and nearly every other food a person would want to eat.  When something I ate disagreed with him, he would spit up within moments of finishing nursing.  He would react within a few hours of my eating the problem food.

Chamrie had nearly the same reaction to dairy products and chocolate, only it would be closer to eighteen hours before the reaction showed up with her and it was never as severe as with Ben.

Chiya was my first child to have no response whatsoever to anything I ate.  YES!  I could eat chocolate again without guilt feelings!

Each child was unique. I had to discover the needs and weaknesses of each.  I learned how important it was to be creative in my understanding of the things my little ones needed.  A person could either dread or enjoy this challenge.  Since this would be my job for the rest of my life, I decided it was more fun to enjoy the challenge.  This philosophy has helped me through many otherwise tearful and frustrating moments.

The first sign that the baby is teething is that he will wake up crying after about thirty minutes of sleep at night.  Then comes the drooling, swollen gums or mild fever.  For me the restless sleep is the big clue.

Most of my children wanted to nurse when they hurt from teething, but a couple of them all but refused to nurse when they felt teething pain. Cheyanne totally refused to nurse if she hurt.  She is the only one we gave baby Tylenol to for teething because of that reason.

With most babies there is a homeopathic remedy called CaliPhos that works wonders.  It comes in a brown bottle at a health food store.  There are other formulas out there called Teething Salts, but they are not as effective as CaliPhos.

The baby's body uses minute amounts of calcium when teething especially as the baby sleeps.  They get depleted and this causes discomfort. The CaliPhos replaces the missing body salts.  It is harmless and very helpful.  We carry a bottle in the diaper bag and have one in our bedroom.  The little white pill dissolve instantly in the baby's mouth so there's no choking.  They are naturally sweet because of being in a lactose base and no matter what the bottle says, you can give them every 15 minutes if needed.  Rarely do we need to give it that often as they help so quickly.

She was a perfect angel.  She was beautiful and loved me.  She nursed lots.  She slept not at all.  I had been blessed with a little girl who never wanted to miss being with her mother even for sleep.  She took one to two naps a day and they lasted from five to fifteen minutes each.  If she fell asleep for only five minutes and awoke we knew she was good for another four hours easily.

When Chani turned one year old she took a nap that lasted three hours.  This was a first.  I knew she had died.  I began to cry, thinking that I had a silent baby in the crib.  I talked myself into believing that she was alive.  Since I didn't go into the room, my little girl could be alive for me just a while longer.  After three hours I could wait no longer.  I opened her bedroom door to face the grief.  With the whisper of the door opening, up popped her pretty little head all full of smiles.  I groaned thinking that if I hadn't checked I might have had a few extra minutes!

I knew I was an experienced mother when I found that I no longer wondered if my baby would ever go to sleep.  I knew that eventually the baby would sleep.  This may seem a strange statement but it took many babies before I really knew this truth.  I spent many hours in near agony wondering when that baby will go to sleep!  Now, I know the baby will sleep ... sometime.  I am far more relaxed knowing there will come a time of rest each day.

Chani did not take a nap longer than fifteen minutes for her first year.  Some of my other babies were light sleepers but none so severe.  We do not let our babies cry to sleep.  Although they sleep on their own schedules, I have found that those schedules are fairly predictable.  They may vary from one baby to another but each truly does develop a specific pattern.

When our babies hit somewhere between twenty-four and thirty months, we begin to put them to bed at bedtime.  We have a very specific routine.  It has changed at times throughout our life but there are some basic concepts.  First, we put our children to bed by the clock.  Neil and I may ignore the clock as we choose but that is the deciding factor most of the time.  That means that in the summer when it remains light well into the evening the children are not staying up until close to 10:00.

Next, once I had fed my children, I feel no guilt at putting them to bed if their behavior indicates to me that they are tired.  If they are overly loud or if they are arguing then they go to bed.

Next we have a minimum routine and a regular routine and a special routine.  The minimum is for those nights when it is so late or so busy that we cannot do the regular, but we still get the most important things accomplished.  We have private and family prayers.  In private prayers our children kneel and say their prayers either silently or with one another.  For the older ones we tell them that this is the training ground and they can give more intense and lengthy private prayers on their own as they climb into bed.

After we say these prayers, we will either quote our family scripture or each would quote a single scripture.  Our family scripture was chosen years ago and all our children learn it easily as they grow in our home.

 In regular routine we would instead of quoting scriptures read from the Book of Mormon.  We do this in various ways to keep interest flowing.  Neil may do a simple reading of a chapter or portion of a chapter.  I may read with lots of interpretation of what is being spoken.  Each of us may read a verse.  We may have a child read a verse, then a parent, then another child and so forth.  We sometimes have a fill in the blank reading where we will read part of a sentence and pause and all yell out what word or phrase they think goes in the silence.  Once in a while we do a reverse reading where we say something opposite then what is written.  The children try to catch it and figure it out.  Sometimes we use pictures for the younger children.

Sometimes we have a song during regular scripture study.  The best method we have found for this is to have the same song each night for a week.  This way our children learn the hymns of the kingdom.

In a special routine we might imagine connecting our hearts to one another, there might be a bedtime story, they might each pick a song, or any other added event.  This is not done often but we enjoy the moments.

No matter what the routine, we always cuddle and kiss good night.  Then we expect them to stay in their rooms and to not disturb us.  Reading, talking and playing is fine if done quietly!

When Chani was first learning routine, I wondered how it would ever work.  It really is much easier when there are other children to follow an established pattern, but it is so important to begin even with that single child.  Bedtime is not really for the children.  It is for the parents. We need time each day when we are not 100% acting parents.  That time comes when the children are safely in bed.

After routine was finished and we put Chani to bed, I would hear, "Mommy, I need a drink."  Well, I would never want my little one to be thirsty.  For three nights, she gave the same cry for water.  Then I realized the exchange between us was becoming part of the routine.  I then would say, "You already drank."

The next night instead of, "I'm thirsty," came the cry of, "I'm hungry!"  Well!  I would never want my baby to go to sleep hungry! It took another three days.  Then came the cry of, "I need a kiss," followed by, "I need to go potty."  The topper was the night when she said in the sweetest and happiest voice in the whole world, "Mommy, I'm scared."  That was the time I finally didn't fall for the ploy and the bedtime routine and blessings started in earnest.

We now always check our sleeping children before going to bed.  However, we did not begin by doing that.  Chani was such a light sleeper that once she was asleep I did not want to disturb her.  One night, quite late in the evening, Neil was on the phone with a long distance call.  I was closing the home for sleep.  It was summer and very hot so the front door was open a crack.  I walked to the door getting ready to close and lock it when the door began to open of its own accord.

There at the front door was my little three-year-old!  I was absolutely terrified.  All the thoughts that went through my mind and heart nearly caused me to faint.  She had been quiet in her room, most likely asleep and then awakened.  The neighbor and her little son were outside, across the grass (no fence) from Chani's window.  Chani managed to open her window and climb out!  There was a huge semicircular pit under her window where the basement window was and miraculously she missed falling directly into it.  The neighbor lady said she saw Chani looking disoriented, then run around to the front of the house.

I thought of her falling down there, body broken and my not knowing it until morning.  I thought of her trying to come in through the front door and finding it locked and being alone all night.  I thought of far worse things happening to her because of being away from our secure home.  Now, no matter how lightly a child might sleep, Neil usually will check on them before we turn off the house lights.

So far, I have had only two sleepwalkers.  Now that is great fun!  Chani was my first sleepwalker.  We knew she would really be asleep although her eyes were open because she wouldn't talk and she would have this silly grin on her face.  At first we didn't pay much attention, which led to the little rocking chair and the edge of the bathtub being used as the toilet.  I quickly learned to jump up and guide her to the bathroom and watch her.  She then would go back to bed none the wiser.

Once I jumped up and she looked right at me and said, "I have to give Daddy a kiss."  I knew she was awake because she had never before spoken when sleepwalking.  I let her go to her daddy.  She climbed up onto his lap and immediately used that seat as the potty.  Poor Neil!  I laughed then and still laugh when I remember that moment.

The last night we were in that home was also the last time my daughter walked while sleeping.  We watched her get up and start to go out the front door about 11:00.  That terrified us and we were so grateful that the walking ended with that last trip.

Our second sleepwalker would react quite differently.  He would come downstairs nearly terrified, unable to talk and shivering uncontrollably.  When he could talk, he made little sense.  We did not recognize the problem at first and we worked on what could be causing the trembling and the panic.  After a few events I noticed that when I took him to the bathroom he immediately gained control and coherency, and  happily returned to bed.

The last time he walked in his sleep we were living in another house and he had traveled upstairs from his bedroom.  I saw him go straight into the kitchen.  I jumped up to redirect him but I was too late.  He was standing and peeing into the kitchen trash can.  I stood there laughing uncontrollably as I didn't dare interrupt him in midstream!

I have heard several times the cry of having two in diapers.  I would much rather have three in diapers than one potty-training!  That has got to be the most frustrating event in all of babydom.

The first difficulty is determining when your babe is ready.  Eighteen months?  Two years? What about two-and-a-half?  How about three years?  When is the right time?  Of course, it is right at different times for each child!

I much prefer waiting a bit too long and getting the process done quickly then to do it earlier and be stressed.  Stress is a good description of that experience.  A little one has to learn to go potty.  However, a wise parent will not attempt training during vacations, weekly church meetings, daily car drives or anytime the child plans on sleeping in the night.

I was in a store with Ben in a front pack and Chani sitting in the shopping cart. "I have to go potty!"  Great.  Where is the ladies' room?  It was upstairs, so I left my full cart behind and the three of us trudged up the stairs.  I cannot tell you how often I had heard, "I have to go potty!" and then nothing.  This time I was happy to hear that it really was a needed climb to the toilet.

We got into the check out line and I again heard, "Potty!" I calmly explained to my sweet girl that she had just been and that she could wait the few minutes for us to get home.  I knew that this was another practice session and not the real thing.  Wrong!  Sure, my daughter had just peed, but what happened in the check out line was much, much messier.

Another time I was sitting nursing Ben and Neil was watching as Chani bathed.  The water had nearly drained out when Neil got a phone call.  Chani didn't want to get out yet so as the last of the water ran down the drain Neil answered his call.  I heard Chani calling, "Daddy!  Daddy!"

She sounded pretty desperate and appeared on the run down the hall. "Daddy!  Daddy!"

Neil quickly glanced at her wet body and said, "Go get a towel."  Chani had the strangest expression on her face as she turned and ran back to the bathroom.

I could hear her still crying for her dad and the sound of her voice was disturbing enough to cause me to lay down my son even before he was finished.  When I arrived at the bathroom, she was near hysterics.  Comprehension dawned as I looked at the bathroom.

She had begun to poop in the bathtub and climbed out leaving the evidence behind on the rim.  She had called her daddy and even ran out to get his help.  He had told her to use the towel.  She knew this couldn't be right but was attempting to obey.  She was trying to get the towel off the rack as her debris was dropping onto the floor and down the heating vent.  Finally she got the towel down and finished the process right on it.  All the while she was crying because her daddy had told her to do this strange thing when all she really wanted was help on the potty!

Once at church when Chani was barely potty trained I had to take her to the bathroom. I dressed her so prettily in her best, frilly, dress.  She was sitting on the pot and for some totally insane and unknown reason I let go of her.

She fell, bottom first, right into the pot.  The look on her face!  On top of which, her mommy was fighting the laughter that kept coming. "Oh, Chani, I am so sorry!"  I had to take her home to change her clothes.  My poor sweetheart!

Early in my experience as a mother, Neil gave me a blessing wherein the Lord told me that I needed to learn the differences between my child's wants and her needs.  This was a difficult lesson for me.  I wanted so much for her.  I wanted all the experiences and materials that would make her life intelligent and rewarding.  Today, parents are not so much into the temptation of purchasing things to keep up in appearances as much as in purchasing classes, and things to give advantage and intellectual stimulation to our children.  No matter what the temptation or how seemingly worthy it was, the draw to put the wrong things first was strong.

I have seen many couples stressed over the number of classes they enroll their little children in so that the child can have an advantage.  The number of children in a family is as likely to be limited because of a couple's inability to afford the preschool, the gymnastics class, the craft experiences, the dance classes, the heavy sports commitments as they used to be limited out of the inability to afford a large enough home or other pleasures.  The focus now is more on the expenses needed to raise an advantaged child than entirely upon the trappings of adult wealth.

I wanted all these things for my Chani.  As each child came, I wanted them for each child.  They were good things.  Each class, in and of itself, was a tremendous experience.  However, children do not need them to be enriched, intelligent, skilled or most especially, loved.

Preschool enrollment is a big draw.  Preschool was started for the disadvantaged in an attempt supposedly to help awaken their intellect.  When we were in Kansas City the word was out that the Head Start program was not as effective as hoped.  They were starting a pilot program that took the children out of the homes for a longer Head Start day starting at age twelve months.

Working mothers boosted preschool attendance, hoping it to be a stimulating environment to leave their sweethearts.  It is never easy to leave a little child in somebody else's care and it certainly felt better to believe that the environment was one that would give the child every educational advantage.  My concern is that it grew from those two needs to being a requirement to caring and intelligent parenting and thus became a requirement for even those children whose mothers were in the homes.  Now there is political talk of it being almost considered neglectful not to participate in this early learning system.

A child does not need preschool when the mother is at home.  There is not the need for every child to have the social contact spouted as vital in the preschool setting.  The child does not need a trained teacher more than the child needs the teachings of the mother.  What a startling concept, the mother teaching her children!  She should teach them, not through public preschool coops under the direction of a trained educator, but in her home where the Lord has made her the very heart of the family.  Home is where the Holy Ghost is the director of the activities and interactions.

I am not saying that these various classes are not wonderful, only that there need be no guilt when children cannot be attend.  Your child is not lost when these projects are not a part of your family life.  We live in a time when there are so many good things to choose from it is vital that we look at not only our finances but our time resources as well.  A family absolutely cannot invest the time in everything outside the home and still have time within the walls of the home.  It is there that we reach the true advantages of Eternity.

I had to learn this.  I also had to learn that many of the resources I wanted within my home were not needs but wants.  I had to learn how to carefully choose what to buy.  Much harder was learning to say a loving and firm "no" to many things my child felt were needed but I knew were only wanted.

There also came times when I tried to put off needed items to keep within a budget.  This meant that I would put off making important purchases until we got a little extra money.  I always had a list of true needs that were waiting for those days.  This had led to a few funny and embarrassing events in our family.

One day the subject of clean clothes came up with one child.  The child had no clean underwear.  In fact, the child had only one pair of underwear, period.  "Why didn't you say something?"

"I did and you said, ‘when we get some money.'"  Actually, the child had said that she needed some clothes including underwear, but I never realized that she was telling me that there was only one pair left!  "It's OK.  I keep them clean by turning them inside out each day."  Oh my!

When Chani was a baby, I had these toys for her that were great toys.  I'd put them in the diaper bag and take it to church.  I would notice that she always wanted the other babies' toys.  I thought maybe that was a better toy and she really liked it so I would go and get it.  Yes, she would still go for the other kids' toys and the cycle repeated until I figured out that it wasn't the magic of the toy as much as the joy of grabbing what had been just out of reach.

I did not want the toys in the bedroom.  I only wanted clothes and a bed in there for my little ones.  Sometimes this is not possible, but when it is then daily cleanup is so much easier.

Usually we have managed a separate place for toys, called a play room.  Categories of his and hers never divided the toys.  In all reality, whatever the attempt at unisex by society, there is a difference between boys and girls.  Both may play with the same things as they will play with whatever is available and make up what they are lacking, but they play differently.

I have found that the best toys, of long term, never-ending interest, are traditional: cars, dolls, dress-up stuff, and most especially those cute MY LITTLE PONY toys. Other similar types of pliable plastic animals also do very well.  Hard plastic toys break easily.  These little ponies last forever.   At night I would hear Ben up in the playroom.  He would be making a tremendous noise.  No words, just banging and sound.  I would ask the girls what he was doing and they would just say, "Playing ponies."  He's twelve and still playing ponies?

A few months ago I'd had enough.  I went upstairs and startled him.  I sat near him and asked about what he was doing.  My son is extremely shy and not very talkative at all.  While my inclination was to order him to bed, the Spirit whispered gentle patience to my heart.  I quietly asked him what he was playing.

My question opened a floodgate of speech from him!  The ponies were the good guys.  The dinosaurs and wild animals were the bad guys.  He had elaborate, very elaborate stage settings for his play.  All over the room there were hideouts, lookouts, getaway vehicles and so forth.  The whole thing was a war scenario. Believe me, this did not come from my teaching him about war!

Sometimes the good guys won and sometimes the bad guys won.  But when the bad guys won a good guy would always escape and free the other good guys.  The whole plan changed every time he played.  He had battle plans, freedom plans, protection plans, spy plans and so forth. I had no idea about this part of his life and play.  I have been up with him one other time as I don't want to intrude too often.  I find this whole imaginative game fascinating.

For the past several years, people would ask what his interests were and I was at a loss as to know how to respond because he is so quiet, even quite a tease.  He really likes doing whatever the others do in play and he is easygoing.  We have tried the battery and remote toys just like everybody else, but they fall by the wayside very quickly.  However, here in his imagination is lasting play and that wonderful thought process that causes endless creativity.

When I buy dolls, I try to look for those who will look good without clothes, ribbons and fancy hair styles!  We also have many stuffed animals.  I do not know why but no toy gives the sense of warmth and comfort that a stuffed animal brings.

Then comes the dreaded gun issue.  This is a hot one.  For years and years my children did not have any.  Then once in frustration about boy shopping I told Neil he was buying for our sons.  He came back with guns.

He quietly explained to me that he had always had them.  It is true that he is the most peaceful and wonderful individual I have ever known.  I sighed and rethought some things.

I had noticed that even without toy guns my boys always, always created them out of everything.  They played but were never physical with each other.  The argument about guns being real things and not toys, doesn't really hold much weight with me.  I feel that a car is an extremely dangerous, life destroying item but they had toy cars galore.  Little children drag their babies around in such thoughtless ways but that doesn't indicate that they will do such with their own living babies.  So I changed my mind about the toy gun issue.

We already had basic rules of pretend play at our home.  I never allowed my children (with my knowledge) to be bad guys, ever.  So they began to play with the guns and I noticed no change in behavior.

I do not allow swords because in play the nature of the sword is that you come in contact with something, usually someone.  Keeping physical aggression down is important to me.  I believe it is kept down more by controlling the conversation and watching the play than by the toys available.

All of my children became attached to something, something that represented the comfort they found cuddling and nursing with their mother.  This is healthy as it is a way for them to comfort themselves when Mother is not easily available.  I have never used pacifiers with my babies.  I used a bottle with only one child and that was for only four months.  All of the attachments they developed came from things they wanted to handle as they nursed.

The comfort items would start popping into their lives around their first birthday.  Just after her first birthday, we dressed Chani for Halloween.  Neil and I dislike this holiday and happily leave the costuming entirely to our children.  This first year though, the ward was having a dinner and we decided that Chani would go as Mary with Baby Jesus.

We dressed her up so pretty and we wrapped a baby doll, the cute kind without hair, in a baby blanket.  We told her she was going to play being Mary and that this was Baby Jesus.  She formed an instant attachment to the baby.  Even fifteen years later the family still calls that doll and any like it, Baby Jesus.

The life of parents at bedtime when the comfort item cannot be found is horrendous!  The little one is inconsolable.  Once we found Baby Jesus in the vacuum closet behind the broom.  We don't know how he got there.  More importantly, we don't know what possessed us to even look there.

Ben first became attached to a small cloth boy baby, then to a pillow person and then to his own pillow.  While he attached to the boy baby, we would be found searching every nook and cranny for that little blue baby.

When Chamrie came along, she got attached to her lambskin.  She had to go without as it was being cleaned and that would take a couple of days for the drying process.  Heartbroken and in tender tears she said, "I love my lambskin."  That was both an easy and a difficult attachment.  It was easier because it was large and able to be located with relative ease.  Once she had left it out in Grandma's back field and we had to go looking in the dark, but we had done that many times with the other children's smaller comforts.  It was also a problem because it was too large to allow it to be carried around in some places.

With Chiya the attachment happened in a moment.  I left for Homemaking Night leaving a healthy baby behind and came back to a sick one.  I picked her up and she was clinging to her little blanket.  This blanket was the size of a receiving blanket but was of very thick, soft, and warm cotton.  She needed that blanket for a few years.  This seemed a good size for finding and lugging around.  But again, when it came time for cleaning we had to rush and get it washed and dried in-between naps.

Nathan was a different matter.  First he got attached to Ping-Pong balls.  Wow!  What a blessing that was!  He wanted one in each little fist as he nursed and fell asleep.  We would keep a basket full of these lightweight balls so that we always knew right where to look for this comfort.  As he grew older, he got a burgundy bear for Christmas.  This was love at first sight and he quickly let go of the balls.  However, I had learned a great lesson.  Encourage attachments that could be easily duplicated.

Ryan attached to his dad.  Then he attached to a stuffed puppy.  He was so active and self-assured that his attachments were never so strong as to cause the house to be in a panic when they could not be found.  Other things would easily substitute when needed.

Cheyanne was a wonderful experiment in the attachment study.  She became attached because I trained her to be.  By now, I knew that comforts always happen with my children to one degree or another.  I was ready to find something that made life easy on me.  I found something called Comfort Silkie.  It is a small square handkerchief-sized blanket, silky on one side and soft, warm cotton on the other side.  I purchased several of them, one for the car, one for the emergency kit and several for the home to be easily found and to be easily cleaned.

She loved it.  I loved it.  I was convinced that I had found the perfect solution to the bedtime panic.  Then they started disappearing.  No problem, I could always order more.  By then Chalae was born and I wanted her to get attached to this wonderful blessing as well.  Cheyanne liked sharing her Silkies in principle but in application, Cheyanne wanted all the new ones!  This surprised me.  I had expected her to cling to the old ones that she had been in love with for the past two years.  No way!  This girl could tell which was the best!

Chalae never got the chance to attach to the perfect parent saver.  Instead right at one year of age she started showing a strong draw to dolls with black hair.  We have a house full of dolls with blond hair and she would have nothing to do with them.  She wanted the dolls who reminded her of Mommy, at least that is what we suspected.

For her first birthday present I went shopping for a simple black-haired doll with a soft body.  I knew the hair needed to be strongly rooted and not the kind where under the top layer of hair lay a bald baby.  Three stores later, in total frustration I settled upon a baby doll with a silky body and no hair at all.  I hoped it would do the trick.  We hid all the black-haired dolls, the ones from Japan that were not toys, and the one another whose cheaply made hair was falling out.  She liked the baby doll well enough.  The nice thing about this is that it can be cleaned and we could purchase extras for replacement and the emergency kit.

Before I had children I would never have thought so much life trauma and comfort could come from such a simple thing as these vital attachments.

A friend of ours had a baby boy and a toddler girl.  The little girl was attached to her silky which she happily carried.  Imagine our surprise at church when the little girl was seen carrying around her mother's slip.  The mother had arrived at church and realized that the silky was 20 minutes away!  So she had to give up her own slip.  The little angel was very happy.

When my Chani was born, a natural relationship immediately developed.  The bonding between me and my daughter was intense.  We were a nursing couple.  We were inseparable.  I was available for her every call.  I lived in the bubble of just the two of us.

My priorities are clear.  My relationship with my husband comes before my children.  The only conflict with that priority would be if my children needed protection from their father in which case he would not remain their father another moment.  If they were sick or in danger then that priority would naturally change as well.  However, it would be fleeting, adjusting with the need.

However, I also learned that naturally the Lord adjusts that divine priority with the birth of a baby.  For almost the first year of the baby's life, it is expected and natural for the mother to be more involved with her little one than her big one.  I was so in love and in service to my baby that I didn't even notice the change.

My sweet husband did notice it.  He felt so abandoned and alone.  He felt like an intruder.  I "let" him do many things for our daughter.  I "insisted" he do many things with her.  Yet, he knew that he was secondary to both of his beloved girls.  He quietly accepted this painful loss as an unseen part of family life.

Then suddenly when Chani hit nine months of age I woke up and wanted my dear husband again.  I was blessed that he was still there!  Neil was thrilled to have the old order return and we settled into a more comfortable family life.

We have seen this pattern repeatedly.  It has never again been painful for Neil because he knows without the doubt of a first-time father that his tender wife will return from the land of baby.  I have never again been so unaware of his need for my companionship.  I know that if I want my husband at the end of the babyland journey I need to stay close to him.

When the baby is about fifteen months old, suddenly Daddy becomes real.  Daddy is The Person in the baby's life.  Mom is nice for food and a cuddle but daddy is the whole world.  This is perfect because about that time I find that I am preparing for a new baby's arrival in a few months.  When Chani hit that stage, Neil really found the joys of being a father in the laughter and attention of his sweet angel.

Two of our babies attached to their dad right from the beginning.  Sometimes that may be the way of things.  No matter in what order the love and attachments happen, they do bounce back and forth between parents.  Rather than be sad by this fact, it is best to rejoice and use that time to get done whatever you neglected when you had the role of It.

SAHM stands for Stay At Home Mom.  It is a difficult decision that awaits all mothers: to stay at home and raise their children, or to work to support them in the absence of a father or the presence of tremendous debt.  Of course there are some who have skills and talents and enjoy the work place.  The decision is difficult for them as well.  As I said earlier, it is never easy to leave your children to be raised by another.

It would have broken my heart to leave my children.  I have daily been grateful that Neil has supported our family.  He has been as committed as I have been to my being at home with my children.  Neil has been supportive of every learning project that I have undertaken.  He has not interfered with my freedom to govern my calling as a homemaker and mother as I felt inspired to do.

I have no problem with my daughters wanting to do something else besides being a mother.  Learning a skill or a trade is a wonderful exercise for the mind and spirit.  However,   I think emphasizing a career is just as damaging as others think emphasizing staying at home to raise children is.  In fact, I think it is much, much more harmful.

The word career is overrated.  Most people out there have jobs to get by and support themselves and their families the very best that they can.  I believe that for fathers and mothers, their true career is raising their family, developing their personal relationships and growing within themselves.  The paying job is not the all and everything.

For somebody with my intelligence and ability to bury myself at home and not benefit society should be against some kind of common sense.  Yet, it makes perfect eternal sense to give to our families our very best, and for me that includes my being at home to teach and influence my children.  There is enough input out there to influence my sons and daughters in the opposite way of looking at things.

It would sound completely false to my children if I emphasized a career and waiting upon financial stability, whatever that is, before having a family.  Instead we speak about the kind of companion to look for, the kind of relationships to work for, the problems and joys of working for and with a family, the spiritual things and emotional things.  The rest really will take care of themselves since we keep our hearts and minds focused on what is most important.

Ben once said that he wanted only two children because then he could take them out to dinner every night.  Before the conversation was over, he realized that he and his wife could go out to dinner without the children.  He decided that maybe a dozen children was enough.  A year later the same conversation with him arose. "I think, maybe, twenty children would be too many for my wife."

Neil and I teach them to look for inspiration in these things.  Concerning the number of children, the Lord inspires some people to have small families and some to have larger ones, but it is important to not make that vital decision based on current social thinking.  All we can do is teach our children what we feel will be in their very best interest and they will go from there with the things they decide.

I think nothing less of my friends who work than I do of the ones who stay home.  I am really too busy with my own responsibilities, inspiration, struggles and joys to think much either way about how they came to their answers on this matter.

I have heard some say to teach the girls to have a career and then they can decide if they want to stay home.  I deeply believe there are enough voices out there emphasizing the career aspect of social culture.  My voice needs to be centered more inward toward family life.

I want my children prepared, but I do not want them to feel that they need or should postpone marriage or children until they first reach such security.  There are fewer and fewer public voices supporting a healthy, intelligent woman staying home with her children.

Always I hear the phrase, "I'll stay home until they are in school," as if apologizing for the mother's choice to stay at home.  I hear often of husbands who really believe their wife would best contribute to the family by working.  I want my sons to do more than just ho-hum accept their wives' desire to stay home, but to actually relish the feel of that type of life and its challenges.  It is not a popular feeling.

My heart goes out to the women who find themselves alone and needing to leave their little ones to support them.  I know that such events as divorce, death, and abandonment do happen to good women.  There is some wisdom in preparing for tragic events.  However, I feel it an error to emphasize those possibilities when there is also the very real possibility that a righteous and lasting eternal marriage will be the blessing of my children's homes.  Neil and I have always raised our children with an eye on the positive as well as more casually preparing for the other sadder possibilities.

A mother is as needed at home for her older children as she is for her younger ones.  We often think that because of public education, we can leave them for the work world as they grow.  Yet, we can more easily identify the troubles that engulf our dear children at any age when the mother is home than when there is limited daily contact with her dear children.

I have sometimes heard a mother who is agonizing over the need to work to help pay off debts say, "It is only for a year or two, then I can be with them again."  To a child of two, a year is half her lifetime.  When we look at time from the child's perception, we can see that it is a different view than from our own.

We also teach our children that any woman or man that stays in an abusive situation is taking a foolish course.  I understand that there may be times when the Lord will inspire somebody to endure such things for unusual reasons but we still feel the need to teach otherwise.  We feel very strongly that wives don't deserve to be beat, raped or otherwise ill treated.

There are lots of ways to become prepared.  If our children are not being prepared for an adult life, it won't be because we didn't do all we felt important in teaching them and in the example we have lived.

I want my children, boys and girls, to be more focused on the positive and prepared for the negative.  I believe that focusing on the real possibility of a good marriage will help them look for that good marriage and not just try to avoid a bad one.  I want them to focus on being with and raising children rather than feeling duty-bound to some profession.  I know both can be done.  I am not sure that is always best.  I want my children to be able to support themselves and their families but that doesn't mean that I want them to believe that support must come from the workplace.  Neil and I must raise our children in harmony with how we live and believe.  Otherwise, they will feel a deceitfulness in our teachings.

The commandment to all parents is to teach and train their children.  The commandment to all children is to hearken to the teaching of their parents.  That means to listen and to obey, to learn.  We cannot give that responsibility to another.  We will be accountable for how we have taught our children.  Both by word and by example the weight of the lessons of their childhood rests with us.

When Chani was only eleven months old, I first heard about home schooling.  I knew then that was exactly the path Heavenly Father wanted our family to walk.  I looked at my sweet angel and knew that if I were to help her maintain that spirit she arrived in our home with, she needed to be kept from the public school experience.

Public school is really government schooling.  It is not the only choice available to parents.  The government philosophies do not need to be the ones that daily invade our home.  By making this momentous decision through prayer, we can be certain that whatever path we do walk it is the one best for our family.

I used to believe that the most powerful way Satan destroyed families was by having the father work in one place, the mother in another and the children away at school all day.  I have since come to believe it is more involved than that.

You have the father in one place, the mother in another, either at home or work, and the children are each individually separated from their siblings.  They are only to associate with their age/peer group.  It is against the rules to cross those boundaries at the government schools.  This goes on for hours each day, for days and weeks and months and years.  Then these children are sent home and expected to get along with one another.  The fact that they don't because of quiet programming, strengthens the concept that peers are more important to their social development than the family.

When the attack on the family through the school systems first began, the idea of John Dewey, the Father of Modern Education, was that God and mothers needed to be taken from the classroom.  In order to get God out of the classroom, history, which is God's dealing with man and man's dealings with each other,  had to be de-emphasized.  When reinstated it needed to be altered to be negative in man's dealings with each other.  Thus they created a nation of victims and the government became the savior.

To get mothers out of the classroom presented a greater challenge.  Making the mother an assistant to the teacher overcame this challenge.  The first step was requiring an ever-growing load of homework from the child.  The mother must oversee the teacher's instructions and influence even within the walls of her home.  The mother must explain any absences and get permission from the state school for any change in attendance.  The mother became the care-giver, if she complied with the calendar and hours of the institution.  Finally, the mother and the father were invited back into the classroom to "assist" but again, their child was aware that the teacher was the real boss.

How easily they erased or altered the parents' role and God-given authority!  Family life was to revolve around the ins and outs of school.  Housework and play were to revolve first around homework.  Doctrine was compared to education and when there might be a conflict the very example set of the teacher being the boss gave the weight of the conflict in favor of the school.

For us, these things were unacceptable.  If the Lord had told us to send our children to public school we would have, whatever our unhappiness over the situation.  However, we were blessed with intense inspiration that He did not want that for us.

Of course, I do not believe that I need to ask permission of any government concerning the education of my children.  That responsibility was placed in our hands by God who is the highest authority.  I will in all likelihood give my children a unique and inspired course of study.  It will not match the outlines created by those trying to standardize the system.  In other words, there can be no comparison between private (home) and public education.  They are entirely separate structures in the raising and teaching of children.

Yes, we are opinionated in the matter.  Please understand that for us the ruling sentiment, always, is personal revelation from the Lord in all matters concerning the family.  We know that He will direct each family individually and that the power is in following Him.  I have known parents who after putting the matter to prayer have enrolled their children in public school.  I have known some who enroll only some of their children.  There are those who enroll their children for only some classes.  There are those who go to private schools away from the home.  I am not against any of these.  I only suggest that prayer and revelation be considered and that it be recognized that we used this very process in our decision.

Even if school had been the most wonderful thing for us as children, we needed to realize that by the time our oldest would start school it would have been a quarter of a century since our beginning.  I couldn't compare my education with what my children might get.  So looking at it without the emotion of, "school was OK for me," really clinched it.

Then Ben came along and we both knew that the system would eat him alive and the son we were blessed with would get lost.  As each child came, the feelings were confirmed but for different reasons for each child.  Now knowing how close a family can be, how smooth life functions can flow, how creative their minds continue to be, how socially stable it makes them and how very secure and confident our children are, makes us certain that we made the right decision for our family.

A few years ago Ben was tested for hearing and other things.  These included a group of tests for delayed learning.  The doctors came back completely in awe because Ben did not exhibit any social or emotional handicap due to his learning disabilities and size.

This was absolutely incredible to them and they admitted that it was the home schooling that had brought this result.  They also mentioned that as parents, Neil and I knew our son and his strengths and weaknesses completely which they had never seen in other parents.  Then they said, "But he really needs to go to regular school."  We didn't listen to them!

As my children have grown and my oldest ones have become teens we have found another blessing I was unaware of when they were young.  I found that I had spent my life with my children.  They were growing so fast, but I was with them each step of the way.  They were not strangers to me.  I did not have the intense feeling that they were slipping away.

I saw them interact with each other.  I saw them teach each other.  I saw that they had a childhood which included heavy doses of simple play.  I saw that they respected others and could comfortably converse and interact with children and adults of all ages and interests.  I saw their spirits arise and develop with wondrous strengths.  I saw their struggles as part of life yet free from the fear of being emphasized by grades.  I found that they accepted their own strengths and weaknesses because these things are a normal part of daily family living.

I do resent that I have to teach my children about drugs, gang violence, rape and many other things because I don't want it to be a part of their childhood.  However, I find it vital in this day and would rather it come from loving parents than anywhere else.  We lived in the city so we have taught my children from the beginning about the importance of the buddy system mentality.   We do not allow even our teens to go places alone.  It is not only little children that are taken and hurt.  It is unfortunate that we must teach our family to be cautious and still balance that with a love for people.

I love my life.  That is something wonderful.  I am grateful every day for the family I have.  I rejoice that Neil and I are united on everything that comes along.  It seems like a miracle to me.  I want that positive attitude to prevail in our children's hearts.  We have been successful in this mainly by example.

I really wanted to protect my children's childhood.  That is why I cried when one Christmas Chani asked for a bra and a doll that looked like her, in other words, not a baby doll.  I knew two things: she was moving on in life, and I had been successful in helping her have a safe, happy and innocent childhood.  I know many years lie ahead of her and the many other children, but one has gotten through without childhood assault.

I am very protective.  My goal for my children's childhood is peace, protection, love, and a securely solid foundation for the future stages they will go through.  My main goal for the teenage years is to help them develop and become more and more independent, to help them recognize what is important to them and how to hold onto those things despite other pressures.  I want them prepared for life but I do not believe that you prepare for it by being exposed to the worst and getting to know the worst.  I want my children to recognize good first so they can feel uncomfortable with bad as it distracts from the spirit.

I do not believe that the "real world" is the wicked one that often surrounds us.  I believe that the real world is the one that Heavenly Father promises those who love him.  That is the emphasis I place on my children's learning.  I plan on them being comfortable, first in the Millennium and second in the Celestial Kingdom.  I prepare them for that real world by the very things I teach them each day.

At first, people were worried about how our home taught children would turn out socially, but that concern no longer arises.  They were worried about what they were not learning.  I hardly ever hear that argument any longer.  Then I heard the "but what about college?" argument, but since my fifteen-year-old daughter started college on a home study basis I don't even hear that worry.  Now, after ten years of home schooling, I hear instead about how wonderful my children are, how well they know the gospel, and how confident and reliable they are as individuals.

My daughter's friends once called Neil and me, "the Line."  Any parent who was more strict and protective than the Logan's were overly protective and unbalanced.  Neil and I were the edge of normal as far as these young teens were concerned.  Chani learned early that when we said no to some event, if she had an obedient attitude and was willing to talk about certain aspects of the events, we could change our minds after setting up some guidelines.  We always felt that if the child were having trouble at home then that child was not of a safe frame of mind to be out of the home.

For years Neil went to work at 10 a.m., so we did not start school until after he left.  Basic jobs are done before then.  When Neil was gone, the household jobs stopped until school time was over.  That usually happened sometime before 2:00 in the afternoon.

After school time ended, I refused to be the one to direct my children's entertainment because I have my own projects.  With as many children as I have, it would be easy to be active in schooling all day long but that is not healthy for anybody in my home.

The biggest problem with home schooling is that the children are in the home roughly 24 hours a day so there is rarely a chunk of time without little ones around.  That means that the house never looks as perfect as the one in which I was raised.  I had to learn that a perfectly orderly home was a fleeting thing.

I could say that the house was clean when we went to bed and before school started.  If I sought for homemaking perfection during school time, I would be headed for burnout.  So we clean, then have school, then private studies while I pursue my own interests, and then we clean before dinner, eat, and have bedtime routine.

Education is very important to Neil and me but certainly not in the traditional sense.  We want our children to have a love of learning.  We want them to be able to learn anything they set their hearts and minds to, even the vital things they don't want to learn. I have four years of college behind me and years and years of home study in various fields.  I can say that the greatest education I have obtained has not come from a public building.

Neil is a doctor and he needed the education to be able to practice, but he will tell you that the schooling did not prepare him fully to be a doctor.  That comes only with experience.

We will not push our children to attend a university.  We really do emphasize attending a small private college such as George Wythe College, which follows a tutorial-based education.  The method of education there is very similar to home schooling.  We feel that method keeps learning alive.

We may sound unrealistic to many but neither of us believe that a university-taught career is the only way to go.  We have friends from all sorts of backgrounds and educations, with lots of different jobs.  We admire the way their families function and how they have raised and taught the children.  That has always been our emphasis.

I want my sons to be committed to supporting their children and companions and my daughters committed to rearing their children and supporting their companions.  What they choose career-wise is for them to decide, but we sincerely hope to teach them by word and example the most important things in life.

We are strict and in many ways protective parents but we also are careful to teach them the practical lessons of life.  As easy as it would be to avoid upsetting Chamrie over her having to do her kitchen job, I know I cannot do it for her.  As hard as it was to say to Ben, that he couldn't go to the movie with his three sisters because he didn't save the money, we had to be firm.

Because we have always home taught, it is just a part of how our family functions.  It is not any harder than any other family function.  I have never regretted teaching them here.  I am grateful that I heard about it when Chani was only one year old so I didn't have to undo anything to make it work.  I have been in groups where the women had such sad or disturbing stories about how the system's failure with their precious children led them to try home schooling.  They would talk about what a struggle it was the first year before they learned to relax.  They also talked about how the children had to rethink the learning/teaching roles.

We know one family who decided to home school because the father adored his children but to support his family he worked evenings and nights.  He found that as they started school he never saw them but once a week.  It changed many things for them and although it may be an unusual solution, they have been very happy.

People always ask how I can home school with having to stay down in the pregnancy.  I tell them that it is easy because the older children are in the home and not away while I am on my back alone with the little ones.  I don't have to worry about driving them to and from school.  Besides, what is there I have to teach that requires my standing?

Our education routine changes quite frequently.  I believe in making things easy on the mother.  That way, I will be as comfortable in my role when I am raising my last child as I was with any other.  Making a lesson plan for each day is too much work for me.  I am happiest making a monthly plan and evaluating each child and the direction they need to go for the month.

We have group lesson and individual lessons.  In group lesson we cover our morning scripture study.  In the evening we study the Book of Mormon but in the morning we cover many other areas.  We memorize scriptures, study the Articles of Faith in depth, and study by concepts and topics.

In group lesson we also will study history or science or any other topic we are interested or weak in.  Group lesson is the favorite overall.  We also read during this time.  All children, no matter what their ages, are involved in this part of our education.

Then in private studies they are all supervised as they pursue their independent learning.  This is either a loose supervision or a close one depending on the inclination and needs of the individual.  I also include in this time the older children tutoring the younger ones.  All children have things to do during individual lessons.  The youngest ones may just play but they are also read to, or color, or work on puzzles.

We have computer programs set up so there are clearly marked school programs and game programs.  Games are not allowed during school time.  I do insist that my children learn typing on the computer.  I have them learn word processing when they reach the level of writing reports.

We do lots of memorizing work.  One child had difficulty with writing, so memorizing and comprehension needed to be developed to an even greater degree.

We include home and family skills in our study.  We include play.  I believe that healthy play is extremely important for healthy children.  I am not in a hurry for them to grow up.

We have found that the course of study developed by Dr. Glenn Kimber, the son-in-law of Dr. Cleon Skousen, is among the best available.  We enrolled the older children in one of his supplemental private schools for a few years.  Chani graduated as a high school student after two years of his twelve-hour-a-week courses.  She was fourteen and a half.  After that she enrolled in George Wythe College, taking home study courses.

Our group lessons is set up according to the suggestions of Dr. Glenn Kimber.  He suggests that a family follow a Family Home Evening setting in which all children are included.  They participate at their individual levels while interacting with those around them.  We have opening study which centers around the scriptures and doctrinal lessons.  Science and history are studied as a group as are many other topics such as sign language and memory recall.  Once the group lesson is completed we take a short break and then begin our individual studies.  Even in these private studies we emphasize working with each other as often as possible.  This is fun for the child, eases the time constraints on the mother, increases cooperation and allows the student to learn how to be the teacher as well.

I take time to focus on each child and getting inspiration on what he needs to work on during private study time.  I keep in mind that there is more to learn than can ever be studied in a single childhood.  My job is to teach my children how to think, how to recognize truth from error and to love learning what the Lord wants them to know as they prepare for their individual missions in life.

Some people have presented the argument that our children should attend government schools to be in the world as missionaries.  Their emphasis is on the "in the world" and not upon the "not of the world."  I beg to differ.

We live in the world.  That world is a telestial world.  That will not change until the Second Coming of our Lord.  Whether my children are taught in a government school, a private school, or even if they are taught in my home, they are still in this world.  They are still examples to others of who they are, what they believe and how they are raised, by virtue of living in this life.  All who meet my children receive an impression concerning them.

I believe that it is far more valid to emphasis the "not of the world" part of the well-known phrase.  For me, that means that we teach my children the laws of God.  We teach them to follow the Holy Ghost.  We teach them so they will be comfortable living in the Millennium.

Our job as parents as laid out in the scriptures is to train and teach the children along with caring for their physical, emotional and spiritual needs.  The scriptures do not indicate that we should ever hand such responsibility over to the government.  It is not our neighbors' responsibility to be in control of our children.  I may request their assistance but it is my job.

What is it that we believe?  Do we believe that the way the world now exists will be the same or worse for our children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren?  Or do we believe that these truly are the Last Days and that the Savior really will make an appearance and change the current conditions?

If I raise my children for the worst conditions, then they will get by.  They will survive.  However, I believe that they would have attitudes implanted in them by the worldly teachings that would need overcoming in the Millennium environment.

If I raise my children for the Savior and His return, and He doesn't come, then they will still get by.   I would have set them up to have, as President Kimball suggested, a bit of heaven in their homes.  They do not need to be taught about all of the wickedness from their babyhood to withstand the onslaught.  Rather, I believe that by teaching them goodness they will be more comfortable in a setting of truth and more  able to resist that which distracts from that spirit.

If I raise my children for the Savior and He does come, then I have helped them feel comfortable and at ease in that environment.

This is to me what it means for my children to be "in the world but not of the world."

Many well-meaning parents sometimes call for nationally required classes and screening to determine who would be fit parents.  As horrified and saddened as I was over the reality of abuse and even murder, I can see that a national enforcement of parenting would be the destruction of the free Christian family.

When anybody talks about legally required classes in anything, they are asking for government intervention in areas that should never be left in the hands of the government.  For a class to be universally required under law, then there would need to be restrictions or penalties attached to that law.  The foundation of freedom is based upon the assumption that a person is innocent until proven guilty.  They are therefore able to function with the minimal government involvement unless they cross barriers of crime.  To assume that all parents, regardless of previous action on their part, must be controlled by government is to assume an inherent guilt or tendency to unlawful behavior.

Who would make those attachments?  Will some power decide that someone under the age of 25 is too immature to bear children?  What about someone who is over the age of 40?  That means they would be 60 before the children were adults.  What if some power decides that 60 is too old to be a politically current parent?  What about large families?  Would someone decide that nobody could care for the many needs of a child if they have more then two or three children?  What about parents who have come poorer then desired?  Or those that fall into some other arbitrary category?  Would someone decide that those people are high risk parents and should not bear children?

Yes, limiting the ability or legal right to bear or keep children would be the only possible legal remedy to not taking mandated classes.

Who would teach those classes?  Christian teachers?  Certainly not if we have federally mandated the classes.  Nonpartisan teachers?  Many would object to that kind of required voice.   What would happen if we did not follow the instructions?  Who would cover the cost of enforcement and penalty?  How would it change our social mind set?

When I went to college, an area I did extensive work in was child development.  At a city college I sat in a room of fifty students and we all introduced ourselves.  We were all young and only one couple even had a child.  The class opinion for that semester (1977) was that:

  1. Only selfish people had children as they wanted to recreate their sad lives.
  2. Nobody was qualified to raise children except those in these classes.
  3. We would never be foolish enough to have children.
  4. The best place for optimum advantage for the children was to raise them in an approved institutional program.

This may sound harsh.  While that philosophy was expressed in a California college class, some current philosophies back that very idea.  How many feel guilty, not giving their children the very best if they do not have the preschool experience?  How many have to apologize or make clear that they planned their children or at least wanted them if conception was accidental?

Yes, some people could use these classes.  I have taught couples myself.  But no matter how much we want to help those who would benefit from the classes, if we allow such a law to be universal, the destructive power somebody else would have over millions of healthy families would be far worse.  I feel very strongly about freedom and upholding the Constitution as the means of protecting those freedoms.

Much the same is happening in various states over the right of parents to educate their own children.  There is a cry to prove that the parents are getting the job done.  It is acceptable for a child to graduate or drop out of school without making the grade but it is not acceptable if the teachers were not state certified.

Some states are calling for the parents to seek permission for the educating of their children.  Some insist that the children follow the same hours as the government schools.  There are many infringements upon the area of private education.  It is not the job of the state or the federal government to educate our children and youth.  They do have a program available if we choose to use it but that should be the end of the matter.

There is not a single government official or teacher who loves or cares more for the future of the child than a tender, loving and dedicated parent.  We must remember that the officials are public servants and the teachers are our hirelings.  We have the right to refuse their services if we choose another method of education.

On the other hand I am not in favor of using federal funds to support private education.  If we fall into that trap, we open the way to having our private schools regulated by the federal or state governments.  There would cease to be a line of separation between the government schools and the private and home schools.  While it appears to financially benefit the individual, it would ultimately evolve into the individual being under the control of whoever is in charge of the education departments.

We must follow the laws of the state we live in.  When those laws make inspired home-schooling difficult we can work to change the laws or we can exercise our option to move to another state.  Teaching our children is a long term, even a lifetime, activity.  Moving may be the wisest decision for the family's well-being.

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