Turn Around and They're Gone
God's Commandments and Parents' Rules
By Cherie Logan
     There are a handful of reasons that parents make rules for Their children to follow. 

     Rules to support the commandments and policies of God.
     Rules to organize the parents' kingdom or home.
     Rules to protect their loved ones both physically and spiritually.
     Rules to prepare their children for their own kingdoms.

     Rules are not commandments.  Commandments come from the Lord through his prophets.  The Lord also inspires his prophets in policies to support those commandments.  The Lord expects parents to follow the prophets as they create their family government. 

     For example, the Lord commands us to keep the Sabbath Day holy.  As parents we determine the policies or rules in our home to support that commandment.  We might decide to not do any housework on Sunday, to take showers on Saturday night, to not play video games or limit tv viewing.  We might decide that we will have a journal writing time, a family council, or a hymn singing time. 

     We establish the rules and routines to support the commandment and allow those rules and routines to change and adapt as needed over time.  The commandment does not change but the rules and policies that support it does.  The creation of these rules and policies is the parents' task.  The children's job is to support their parents as the parents learn to govern their kingdom in righteousness.  Mistakes will be made, patterns will need to be altered, some things will work and some won't.  It is a growing time for the parents to prepare them for eternity.  It is a growing time for the children to prepare them for being adults creating their own home government. 

     Another set of righteous rules are those that organize the parents' earthly kingdom, their home and the management of their family.  As a mother, I might have the rule that the dishwasher will be loaded and run twice a day and the things not fitting into the machine will be immediately washed by hand.  The rule comes about from my experience in knowing what needs to be done to keep my kitchen clean.  The rule might be a trial to see if a particular problem is solved.  The management of my home is my stewardship and my children's job is to support me in my righteous stewardship. 

     Some rules are created to spiritually and physically protect ourselves and our children.  We have a rule that children follow the buddy system in all public situations.  We have a rule that they buckle up in a moving vehicle, that they wear helmets when using skates and bikes.  We have a rule that they govern their language and do not participate in name calling.  When we see something that could endanger ourselves or our children then we are accountable to do what we can to thwart the danger. 

     Finally, we have rules to prepare our children to govern their own kingdom.  This category can overlap all the others.  It really is taking all the commandments, rules, policies and teaching the purposes for their creation and the blessings of following them.  If our children do not learn the why of the rules by word then eventually they must learn the why through deed.  It is wiser to learn all they can from our example and teachings then to have to rediscover it from ground zero.  We free our children up to improve their family life over our own by teaching them the why for all that we do.  As they improve on our own teachings, the entire family will step by step become more perfect in obeying the Lord and being prepared for family life in the Celestial Kingdom.

 Agency, Accountability and Stewardship

     Because stewardship, accountability and agency are very important principles, it is a good idea to understand how they fit together in structuring the family.  At first the stewardship is owned by another.  In the preexistence, this was God's role as we are his children.  In mortality it is the parents.  They are accountable to God for teaching His commands to the children.  Ultimately, stewardship over our lives is ours to give to Christ or to withhold from Christ.

     Since you are accountable for the things you have stewardship over, the parents hold divinely appointed accountability for their children.  The parents are accountable to God.  Young children can do wrong things.  They are not accountable for those wrong things.  The sin of wrong actions is automatically swallowed up in Christ's atonement. 

     However, if the parents do not teach the young children the wrongness of actions and the process of repentance that they will someday need to follow, the sin belongs to parents.  If the sin belongs to the parents then they are the ones who need to repent. 

     Even though the parents would own the sin and the need to repent, the children would still suffer the consequences.  The consequences of this type of situation is the long term effects of confused  messages from the parents concerning the commandments, and family love.  Remember that we teach our children that if we keep the commandments then we will be a family forever...so there is a very real connection between obedience to the Lord and loving our children.

     At age eight the children become accountable to God.  God chose this seemingly arbitrary age for a very good reason.  The type of sin that an 8-year-old can get into is usually very different from the type of sin that an 18-year-old can commit.  It gives the child a buffer zone. Not one free of sin but instead one where the repentance process can be experienced and cleansing recognized a step at a time without life threatening consequences.

     During this buffer zone the parent continues his stewardship over the child and so shares accountability with his child.  Again, the parents' accountability is whether the laws of God, and the doctrines of the kingdom are taught by word and deed.  A loving parent will feel pangs of sorrow over their child's need to repent but they can trust that they, themselves,  are free from the sin because of their own teachings and examples.  They can focus on helping their child without agonizing distraction.

     What is God's determination of when parental stewardship ceases?  Is it age 12 as in the age when a Hebrew youth, including Christ, became a man?  No.  In Christ's day there was little difference in character and readiness then in our day.  Twelve-year-old children were still twelve and beginning the hormone obstacle course as they left childhood behind and entered the adult world.  There remained the need to teach and direct their lives.  Christ remained accountable to Joseph who was accountable to God.  Christ was still under Joseph's stewardship.  This is seen when Jesus was asked what he was doing in the temple after his twelfth birthday.  Christ knew he was doing his Heavenly Father's work and yet he left and returned home with his earthly family until a much later date.

     As parents, we are wise to recognize that with the increase of responsibilities should automatically come an increase in choices of action.  Some actions.  Actions that are not contrary to the inspired  direction that the parents received.  This does not mean that tyranny or dictatorship is approved of by the Lord.  Rather as in all things, love, patience and wisdom must lead the way. 

     So if a parent's stewardship doesn't end with the onslaught of puberty, then when?  Does it end at the arbitrary declaration of government that a child is an adult at age 18?  I remember growing up and that adult age was 21.  Did God make the change in the social age of an adult?  There is strong evidence in the scriptures that as long as the parent is righteous and inspired, their stewardship remains.  Accountability however, does not remain except for being accountable to counsel in righteousness. 

     The Order of Heaven is the Patriarchal Order.  The earthly government and the church itself are temporal organizations built up for the support of that order and the time when it will be the governing body of society.  If that is the case, then stewardship to one's family never really ceases in righteousness.  Stewardship is not given up in a righteous family, it is gained.  As the children marry and begin to have children, the grandparents are added onto both in blessing and in responsibility.  Now their responsibility is to council in inspiration while the new set of parents set up their own house of stewardship.  The eternal circle repeats.

     What about Agency?  Where does it come into play?  Step by step it is the ability to follow God and righteous parents or to not follow them, It is the privilege to be cleansed by repentance or suffer the pains of remaining in sin.  That is the agency.  That is God's promise.  That he will allow us to suffer if we choose, to be cleansed and healed, or to be strengthened in righteousness if we choose. 

     Remember, that was Satan's argument, he would force us to be good, to not suffer sin and have no need for repentance.  Such a plan would eliminate the need for a Savior.  Such a plan was contrary to agency.  Christ's plan was that he would teach us, be an example for us, atone for us and when we follow him then the Glory be to the Father.  Glory means the salvation and eternal life of men which was Christ's work.  If we will not follow him then we must choose to repent or to give up eternal life.

     In other words, He was given a stewardship by Our Father to atone and teach.  He had an accountability to the Father to do all things needed to fulfill that stewardship.  He maintained the agency to succeed or to fail in that stewardship and accountability, but not until it was the right time.  Until it was the right time to really be about his father's business he was bound to the governing of the parents that God chose to raise him.

     The Lord will inspire us in the family laws and rules we establish for the eternal benefit of our family.  It does not matter if the family is strict or relaxed.  It doesn't matter if they kneel in the living room as they say family prayer or add it to their humble dinner meal.  It does matter that they follow the Lord's inspiration with consistent courage.  The Lord has promised us eternal life with our beloved family and his promise is sure.