Unheld Babies
Miscarried but not Missing
by Cherie Logan

I have miscarried twice and threatened miscarriage twice.  One of those miscarriages was also one of the threatened miscarriages.  Sounds confusing?  It was.  Unknowingly, I was pregnant with twins.  I started the miscarriage while Neil and I were teaching dance at the church.  I went home and quickly took a glass of cold water with cayenne pepper in it.  This was to stop the bleeding.  It worked immediately.  The next day I started bleeding again and again took the herb drink and this time the bleeding became a very small trickle.  For those interested, it is important that the water be cold when you drink it as warm or hot water and cayenne increases flow rather than stops it.

I took catnip and false unicorn, alternating every half hour for several days.  This went for three weeks before the miscarriage completed.  I had hoped beyond hope that I wouldn't lose my baby!  I called my doctor and after checking me over, she told me that my baby still lived!  How wonderful!  So much joy and comfort filled me that realizing that I had lost a twin to this living baby found little room for mourning.  At that time.  I carried Ben for another 5 months and he was born 10 weeks premature.

I had this wonderful experience where I saw Ben in the Pre-earth Life, waiting for his birth.  I saw him quietly sitting in the temple when his sister rushed into the room.  She was so animate and full of excitement.  "I get to stay longer and work more with my companion!"  I did not know if this meant that her future husband was still on that side of the veil, or if there was something she needed to do for him that she couldn't do after birth.  I then saw Ben give a resigned, faithful sigh and agree.  The personalities exhibited by these two children perfectly match Ben's and Chamrie's personality today.

I was filled with deep testimony that the miscarried twin was Chamrie and that she would still come to me.  Eighteen months after Ben's birth, Chamrie arrived.  Ben had delayed his walking until two weeks before Chamrie's birth.  Chamrie walked at 8 1/2 months.  Later, Ben delayed his speech until Chamrie, an early talker, began forming words.  They were the same size, Ben being small and slender and Chamrie bigger for her age.  I nursed them together.  To me, it was like raising twins.  My first miscarriage was not lost, only delayed.

My miscarriage of Ben's twin isn't as unusual an experience as one might think.  There is a condition called Blighted Twin Syndrome.  It is one where a twin is miscarried and the other baby remains.  There was a study done on this several years ago that contained 23 women pregnant with twins who were threatening miscarriage.  The twin pregnancy was diagnosed through a sonogram.  Three of the woman ended up miscarrying both babies.  Some of the women opted for a D&C, which was standard treatment for miscarriage even at the cost of the second baby.  The remaining women went on and delivered healthy babies after the loss of one of the twins.  The recommendation of the study was that D&C surgery for miscarriages should never be done without first determining if there was a second, healthy baby still in the womb.

My second miscarriage was a heartbreaking one.  I have had only one pregnancy where in the moment of conception, I knew it.  Absolute and perfect knowledge that a baby had just begun settled upon me.  Seven weeks later, just as certain, knowledge settled on me that the pregnancy was over.  This was agonizing to me.  Why would the Lord send such a perfect knowledge, one I had never experienced before, only to have the baby cease?  Neil gave me a blessing and told me that it was not the right time for the baby.

Less than two months later, I conceived my Cheyanne, my eighth baby.  I know without doubt that this baby housed the same spirit that would have had the miscarried one.  What difference could only a few weeks make?  How could this timing be perfect yet the one before was wrong?

The difference was an important one for our family and has had long term effects.  The Lord knew what lay ahead of us and controlled the situation through my pregnancy.  Wonderful blessings have come to us as a result.  Eight weeks did make a difference.

My experiences brought to me divine knowledge that my babies were not lost but were the very next babies I conceived.  Other mothers have received divine knowledge that their missed babies await them some other way, adoption, resurrection, grandchildren...many different messages.  The over-riding and comforting revelation from the Lord is that nothing need be lost, only delayed.

The articles were written in the hope that they will help mothers realize just how normal chaotic life with children really is and how priceless the journey.  If your heart is touched, your mind enlightened, your spirit strengthened please visit Our Missionaries, the link will be at the bottom of every article.